Mother in law wants to buy next door

[ezzycozzy]

My widowed mother in law has repeatedly asked to sell up both houses and live together. (She already lives in the next road to us and her other son lives 1 mile away). I have repeatedly said no in no uncertain terms to her. I have avoided a full on face to face confrontation about it but I have sent a couple of strong worded texts about how it is not an option. At this stage my husband always says he is open to the idea but he will 'talk to me' about it. Anyhow, our elderly next door neighbour has just died and leaves behind a dooer upper of a bungalow. She wants to buy it. Stupid husband wants to do it up. (Basically he sees the plus of having an extra garage and driveway. We also have out buildings with a log burner that we do not have permission for so he is happy to have the easy ride of a non complaining neighbour like his mother). I on the other hand feel like moving out. She would be here all the time Molly coddling him and our kids would constantly choose to be next door at nannies where they can do as they bloody well like!!).......

You can't dictate where someone can or cannot live.

But this would be an absolute nightmare for me too, you have my sympathies and I'd be tempted to move out as well.

You already know that this would be a nightmare and all the reasons why. Stand firm. I'm having a breakdown at the thought of my MIL living one street away but next door???!!! Even if you loved her to bits, this has nightmare written all over it

OMG, don’t think you can stop her buying it but I know I’d start looking for a new house approx an hour away!!

Oh. My. God. This would be a total nightmare for me. I would feel like I'm being suffocated in my own home. You might as well all live in the same house! If she is bad with respecting boundaries, she is going to be in your face all the time!

If it was me, I'd be very clear that if she moved in next door then we would be selling up and moving, if he wasn't in agreement, me and the kids would be going on our own

Nightmare

As long as he knows that you would move out and he would have to put your house on the market or buy you out.

What a nightmare. Not for me.

This might be the beginning of the end of your marriage if he encourages or facilitates this.

I love my MiL very much, but I suspect that she would be in agreement that living next door would be too much

just let your husband know that if she moves next door you will be moving out - no you cant stop her but what kind of person would do this if they hadnt been asked to....its harsh but i wouldnt expect my kids to have to put up with me living next door in years to come . you will need to be blunt and it is your husbands issue as he is clearly sending mixed messages. why have the hassle of moving when she is really close anyway

Oh hell no!

What would you do if it was the other way round and it was your mum OP?

If you're not happy maybe ask him how he'd feel if it was his MIL moving next door, he might change his mind then!

I get she’s lonely being widowed, it’s not pleasant and you supporting her is the right thing here - but that doesn’t mean you are responsible for filling the void left by FIL. The fact you’ve been very clear you don’t want her on top of you should be enough here, she doesn’t appear to give a hoot about your wishes or concerns.

The second problem seems to be your husband - his not tackling the issue and supporting you over this has left it all up to you to be the bad guy! If anything his offers to help do the place up sounds like he is blatantly ignoring your wishes and actively supporting your MIL instead.

You can’t stop her moving next door but you can make it clear if she does she might as well move in as you’ll be leaving! I love my parents and in-laws but I value my privacy and personal space and would not accept being forced into this. Her moving in next door sounds like it will make you even more ignored as between her and your husband you don’t get considered here.

Sounds a nightmare and do not envy you this decision! Sending hugs!

Drop into a local agent and tell them that the house will be for sale. Tell them to put a letter through the door and the relatives will, hopefully, take it up and MIL will be outbid.

This could work, unless MIL has lots of money.

I agree you need to tell your husband if she moves next door you will move away.

She lives in the next street, if she’s lonely I’ll bet this is because her precious son doesn’t visit enough - how much do you want to bet he still won’t so she’ll be in your house all the time?

Make it clear this is your deal breaker. You’re happy she’s close, but any closer and is not on.

Husband wants to go along with it for the sake of a drive & garage?-maybe he's the problem then!

Tell them to put a letter through the door and the relatives will, hopefully, take it up and MIL will be outbid.

^^ I don't understand this comment

I can see lots of positives having her next door esp if she need physical help but the cost and expense of moving when she is so close?! It's going to cost thousands.

If she was respectful etc then again it might be OK

Add a link to it on mumsnet. There are some people on here, who buy properties and do them up. Perhaps someone will take pity. Or could you afford to buy it yourself to rent out?

Oh dear Jesus, no! My MIL lives about 5 minutes away. Way way too close for me. If it ever comes to her moving in, I'll be moving out.

Why does she want to be either with you or next door? She's hardly miles away as it is.

My ILs live up the road, thankfully that's where they stay!

No way would I want to have lived next to my in laws (or my parents for that matter)

However I am intrigued by this: We also have out buildings with a log burner that we do not have permission for

No way would I be happy with that.

Could be worse, she could be asking for a Granny Annexe or to move in with you

surely you just laughed your arse off when DH said that?