Mother in law wants to buy next door

[ezzycozzy]

My widowed mother in law has repeatedly asked to sell up both houses and live together. (She already lives in the next road to us and her other son lives 1 mile away). I have repeatedly said no in no uncertain terms to her. I have avoided a full on face to face confrontation about it but I have sent a couple of strong worded texts about how it is not an option. At this stage my husband always says he is open to the idea but he will 'talk to me' about it. Anyhow, our elderly next door neighbour has just died and leaves behind a dooer upper of a bungalow. She wants to buy it. Stupid husband wants to do it up. (Basically he sees the plus of having an extra garage and driveway. We also have out buildings with a log burner that we do not have permission for so he is happy to have the easy ride of a non complaining neighbour like his mother). I on the other hand feel like moving out. She would be here all the time Molly coddling him and our kids would constantly choose to be next door at nannies where they can do as they bloody well like!!).......

My lovely parents are moving to my town. They have essentially ask out blessing and advice on areas. Next door came up for sale. It wasn't in budget, and was unsuitable. My dad is too sensible to live next door. I think my mum would have considered it if the house had been suitable and affordable. She would have needed talking down by her own child (and it wouldn't have been good for my marriage if I encouraged it - not quite dumpable but I would have got the blame for any rows / disputes / annoyances). Get husband to see sense and he needs to talk her down.

Your problem is that you can't tell her she's not allowed to move there. The only way to stop it is to try and buy the place yourself!

It may be worth laying down your strict ground rules now, and hopefully she'll decide that actually she doesn't want to live next to you after all.

She will constantly be in your house if she moves next door especially if her new house needs doing up first. I would make sure your DH is on the same side. My friend agreed to buying a property with a self contained flat underneath for her widowed FIL. It ended in disaster with her almost having a mental breakdown, FIL went into hospital and they would not have him home and her husband and her so stressed they would work all hours of the day and night rather than come home to FIL.

She obviously has plans to be at your house a lot or she'd be fine 5 mins away where she is.

I'd be honest and say she can't move next door as it would ruin your relationship (with her) and that if she chooses to do so anyway, you will be moving. far.

A few years ago, my DH and PIL were adamant that the best way for my DH and I to get on the property ladder, and also be able to start our own family would be to buy a house together with them living in it with us.

As much as I loved my PIL, I was adamant that I would rather ‘permanently remove’ my wedding ring than live with them.

It was really hard to keep putting my foot down and saying no, but I stuck to it. I just could not have coped with us all living together.

Better next door than in the same house

I'm in the minority too, wouldn't bother me at all.
So much MIL hate on Mumsnet...I hope all you mothers of sons get your just desserts.

I would be more bothered about living next door to some twat who'd put up outbuildings and a log burner AKA another fucking house.

Problem is, you really can't stop her if she's hellbent on buying that house. Both you AND your DH could say you aren't in favour of it, but that won't stop her if she thinks it's the right thing to do.

So you need to have a contingency plan. What that is, short of moving, I have no idea. I guess I'd start with her not having keys and no 'popping over'.

Are you prepared to leave him over this? I would.

So much MIL hate on Mumsnet...I hope all you mothers of sons get your just desserts

I adore my MIL, and my mother. I still wouldn’t want either of them living next door to me. No hate involved at all.

My parents considered buying the house next to us. We don't have the best relationship ever, but I trusted them not to intrude, so I didn't mind the idea at all

Set the house on fire.

I can see any other way out.

Sunshine

*Tell them to put a letter through the door and the relatives will, hopefully, take it up and MIL will be outbid.

^^ I don't understand this comment*

Me neither

No way would I entertain this. We are 20 minutes and 45 minutes drive away from both mothers and it’s what is right and proper lol!

I adore my MIL, and my mother. I still wouldn’t want either of them living next door to me. No hate involved at all.

Good for you.
They might not want to live next door to you, no hate involved.

No. I’m sure they wouldn’t. I was responding your comment about MIL hate on mumsnet. You don’t have to hate someone to not want to live next door to them

My mum bought the house next door to us and it has worked really well! My DH and her get on fine although sometimes he can get a little irritated as my mum is very set in her ways but we wanted her nearer to us (she originally lived about 2 hours away) but she lived on her own and was very lonely. She was only 60 when she moved here and I was pregnant with my DS. She cared for him when I went back to work (we paid her as she had given up her job when she moved) and she was fab with him. Her and my DS (18) are still very close and she still insists on cooking his lunch if he is home and I'm not around 🙄

It has been a godsend these last couple of months as she had some health issues so I have been on hand to help her when she had to go into hospital. We often have her over for Sunday lunch but apart from that she likes to be independent. She goes abroad with my sister for a couple of weeks in the summer which gives us all a break from each other.

Having just gone through 2 years of having to do a 4 hour round trip once a week to visit my DH's very elderly parents, who have now sadly passed on I feel very lucky.

I get this set up isn't for everyone but it really can work sometimes.

It's a hard one, you give the impression she is quite needy and has already suggested that she would like to live with you under one roof. Not a good idea and you have already told her that. Now the second best thing has presented itself and clearly you can't stop her purchasing the house next door. I think you need to spell it out to your husband how potentially damaging this could be to your marriage and then, either with him, or without him, as diplomatically as possible put that to your mil. Unless the husband and wife welcome it, and depending on how independent the parent in law is, potentially it could be a disasterous scenario particularly as it would leave you with such a festering resentment towards both your husband and his mother. Ultimately if they don't see your point of view, suggest that he moves into the bungalow with his mother and you and the kids stay in the house. See how that grabs them

Sunshine

Made me laugh too

I don't see how you can stop her, but I'd be equally horrified. To be fair she only lives a street away as it is, so it's all just different circles of hell really.

Just get straight onto Rightmove and start researching other properties. Get a few estate agents in to do one of those "free valuations" they are always trying to flog. Make it clear to your husband that you will not be living next door to his mother.

I'm all in favour of spending time with grandparents but she must be insane to suggest this, unless she comes from some culture where it is normal for a widow to move in with her son's family,

Oh dear op I get on with my dil and I got on with my mil but next door sounds way too close.

But I don’t know what you can do as you can’t stop her buying the house next door.

Sounds awful tbf

I wouldn’t want to live next door to my mum/ MIL/ son when he is grown up. Nor would I want to live in the next street. I believe adults need their space and independence, some of us more than others.

sunshine