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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mother in law wants to buy next door

265 replies

ezzycozzy · 12/07/2018 16:46

My widowed mother in law has repeatedly asked to sell up both houses and live together. (She already lives in the next road to us and her other son lives 1 mile away). I have repeatedly said no in no uncertain terms to her. I have avoided a full on face to face confrontation about it but I have sent a couple of strong worded texts about how it is not an option. At this stage my husband always says he is open to the idea but he will 'talk to me' about it. Anyhow, our elderly next door neighbour has just died and leaves behind a dooer upper of a bungalow. She wants to buy it. Stupid husband wants to do it up. (Basically he sees the plus of having an extra garage and driveway. We also have out buildings with a log burner that we do not have permission for so he is happy to have the easy ride of a non complaining neighbour like his mother). I on the other hand feel like moving out. She would be here all the time Molly coddling him and our kids would constantly choose to be next door at nannies where they can do as they bloody well like!!).......

OP posts:
FizzyWizzyFlash · 12/07/2018 18:00

Stick a for sale sign outside of your house and tell her you're moving. Then when the bungalow next door has sold take it down and tell her you changed your mind about selling your house.

RachelfromFriends · 12/07/2018 18:00

Oh no this is a nightmare! She's only a street away why isn't your husband pointing out it's too much?!

Snickerdoodledandy · 12/07/2018 18:01

girls good one! WinkGrin you mean point out to her dh? Mil would also hear any arguments too.

Strawberry2017 · 12/07/2018 18:01

Hell no!
This would be my nightmare!

Chrisinthemorning · 12/07/2018 18:02

It would be too much. My parents live 5 minutes walk away in the same village and that’s fine, but next door would be too much.

Effendi · 12/07/2018 18:04

My Mum lives next door.
It's ok, she respects our privacy in the main and she's on hand for cat feeding and bringing the washing in, that kind of thing.
She also cleans for me which I pay her for.
DH is less keen because she gets on his nerves. Mine too sometimes but it's not far to go home.

hertsandessex · 12/07/2018 18:15

I think I might be in the minority but I wouldn't mind. I would want to make sure to set some sensible boundaries but would be ok. I know other people that have done similar to this and it has been fine.

Iamtryingtobenicehere · 12/07/2018 18:16

Best piece of advice I was ever told about in laws? ..... never live within walking distance of your in laws

I’d be moving, heck emigrating even.

Blushah · 12/07/2018 18:17

My mate has a similar situation. MIL has bought next door which everyone is very happy about... but the thing is, her DH is happiest as he can keep an eye on mum, who has had several falls; his siblings are happy cos she now has an offspring next door which gets them off the hook, a sibling who is 'in between' very well paid, long hours, lots of travel - jobs so currently is ever-present; my SAHM (of 2 late teenage DC) mate is happy as she wants to engineer a bit of a garden grab to enlarge her own garden (legally and with MIL paid accordingly).

Trouble is.. MIL is now having wobbles about selling half her garden; and everyone is not surprisingly expecting my mate to step up and do 'her share' of the hospital appointments; and her DH is spending a lot of time 'settling mum in' as he is a very attentive son (genuinely) but my mate is, as far as family are concerned, a bit of a hard-nosed bitch, if I'm honest!.

I see trouble ahead.

Branleuse · 12/07/2018 18:17

i wouldnt even live next door to my own mum, who I love to bits, let alone the MIL

llangennith · 12/07/2018 18:20

Weigh up the pros and cons of her living next door as opposed to developers coming in and buying the plot.

CPtart · 12/07/2018 18:22

BIL and SIL live next door to PIL. They thought it was great when the DC were young and they had free childcare on tap. Now PIL are older they expect 'payback' big time. They are in and out of SIL house and generally feel they have a right to comment on every aspect of their lives. The DC now teens, get particularly frustrated with the constant over involvement, there certainly is no special grandparent relationship, just frustration and resentment with the over familiarity.
SIL would quite like to move, but now feels they're 'trapped' as it would look bad to leave them. So so glad we have some distance.

Oliversmumsarmy · 12/07/2018 18:25

I would be asking her if she wouldn't prefer your house instead as you are going to be moving.

Ellie56 · 12/07/2018 18:27

Eeek! This sounds like a nightmare in the making.

girlsyearapart · 12/07/2018 18:31

Yes snicker I meant point out to her DH Grin

BrownTurkey · 12/07/2018 18:31

Say ‘we don’t want to live in each others pockets’ and repeat until you are blue in the face. Otherwise you are going to have to rustle up the money yourself to either buy it and become a secret landlord or bribe the agent not to sell to her.

thedevilinablackdress · 12/07/2018 18:31

Good lord! Why does she feel the need to be even closer to you? The next street is very close already.

happypoobum · 12/07/2018 18:32

No way. YANBU

I would explain to DH that if MIL buys next door your marriage is over.

Hawkie · 12/07/2018 18:34

She could very well report you for that outbuilding and log burner.

Tread Carefully.

Only you know your mother-in-law. List of pros and cons with you and DP?

Plsbemyturn · 12/07/2018 18:39

Haha! I would love my MIL live next to me but hell no to my own mother! Good luck Flowers

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 12/07/2018 18:40

YABU! I think you are being unfair Grin

I'm only joking! I'd be going estate agents ready to sell my house! I think DP would do the same too!
I actually feel for you!

SchadenfreudePersonified · 12/07/2018 18:44

If she moves in next door, put your house on the market IMMEDIATELY.

Sommelierrrr · 12/07/2018 18:47

Hell on earth. Good luck!

TigerTooth · 12/07/2018 18:57

I'd hate it, really hate it but you might not be able to stop it.
What you can do is set some ground rules - whatever issues you predict
such as her not feeding your kids, not coming round unannounced, you all eat your meals in your own homes etc.
If she keeps turning up then go straight to bed with a 'headache' (and your laptop to tell us) until she gets the hint.
its horrible, I really feel for you.

hattiebugatti · 12/07/2018 18:58

OMG poor lamb I would hate to be you.

Puts me in mind of some years ago - very early 00's - my husband's dad died, and his mum was on her own as his brother had moved to Oz in the late 1990's.

We had one child aged 3, and were in a 3 bed house that we had moved into some months before (from a 2 bed.) We moved as we were running out of room in our tiny 2 bed starter home.

We had quite an argument at the time, as she asked him if she could move in with us! She said she would be 'freeing a 3 bed house up for a family' (her house was council rented.) We had a spare room, and she said she could help by cooking and cleaning, and if we have a 2nd child, the 2 can share for at least 10 years,' Hmm

DH actually wanted her to move in too, saying she would be a good babysitter, she could help with housework and shopping, and would help financially. I got on OK with her, and there was technically room for her, but I just flat out did not want her living with us. She's nice and all, but it would have resulted in a TOTAL lost of privacy, and I would not have been able to relax in my own hone. I would have felt as if I had to entertain her all the time, and chat to her, and take her anywhere she wanted to go as she couldn't drive.... Confused

I said 'would you want MY mother living here?' My mum and DH didn't like each other much as they were both hot headed and opinionated and sometimes clashed... so DH said 'you KNOW me and your mum don't get on too well, so obviously not - you get ON with my mum!'

He says 'give me ONE reason why my mum can't live here.' It was easy.....

'I don't WANT her living here.......'

I don't know what he said to her, but she stayed put anyway, and we still got on OK, so he must have said it won't work or we are planning another child or something. A few months after all this, she met another man, and he moved in within a few months with his 15 year old daughter. They are still together!

Yep, sorry OP I do not know what to suggest at ALL, as you cannot stop her buying the house.