DSDs mum doesn't want me to breastfeed in front of DSD.

[PinkThread]

Due mine and DHs first. We're very excited and can't waif for the next few weeks to pass so we can finally meet our little one.

DSD 6 was asking me what a baby eats and drinks, so me and her dad very briefly explained to her about breast feeding. She already knew about this and I think this is what she wanted to talk about but was too shy to bring it up.

When we had her at the weekend, DP had a text from DSDs mum stating that under no circumstances will I be breast feeding or exposing my breasts to DSD as it is inappropriate.

AIBU to think that this is a really bizarre ask?

I'm not going to go around flashing my boobs at her (or anyone for that matter) but I don't see anything wrong in a 6 year old (will be 7 when baby is born) seeing me breast feed?

Opinions?

She does have rights, no matter how crazy they might seem to most other people-they're obviously not irrational or crazy in her mind.

Actually, she has no rights in this situation. She cannot dictate how the OP's DH parents his child in his own home, any more than he can dictate how she does things if the dc is with her.

Obviously, if she has concerns about poor or inappropriate parenting, she can report her concerns to the relevant authorities and get them to investigate. However, I don't think anyone is going to be remotely interested in reports of a young child watching her baby sibling get fed.

By your dh ex stopping her dc seeing these things is only going to make her more curious.

Chances are your dsd will be very curious, but once she’s seen it, she’ll probably take no notice. His ex is setting her daughter up for a lifetime of hang ups about her, and other people’s bodies. Breastfeeding is purely natural. Will she stop taking her dc to farms in case sheep or cows are feeding their young? Utterly ridiculous, I’d ignore the text

PinkThread I meant hang ups from her mum, sorry for the confusion. You are doing absolutely the right thing. It’s probably jealousy of her ex and daughter having a new family.

Sorry @stayathomer not going to happen. I'll raise my child how I want to not how satisfied DHs ex best.

@AlbertaSimmons I don't think there's anything wrong with me discussing what breast feeding is with DSD though before baby arrives? I made a conscious decision that if she asks how a baby is born that she should ask her mum, as I think that I would like to be the one to explain that to my own child. But breastfeeding? I think if anything it prepares her better.

@ravenmum my DH also has to 'send his daughter off every week' to stay with her mum and another man.

We have been together for a few years now and I have met her plenty. She has my number and we have been to a few school events together.

I know it's the same from both sides, PinkThread, my bf had to the same - and the other man really was the other man in his case!

Just pointing out that this is not necessarily about her being against breastfeeding in public. More about having to come to terms with a situation that is tricky for everyone.

I agree with the other posters who say that it's about control, probably sadness or whatever that her daughter's father is starting a new family with someone else. And obviously her request is ridiculous. I also wouldn't respond to that text.
@stayathomer The mother does not have a right to dictate how a child's sibling is fed in front of the child. The OP, however, does have rights. The Equality Act means that women can breast feed where they are legally allowed to be. And in Scotland it is actually an offence to directly or indirectly try to stop a child under 24 weeks breastfeeding. Anyone who tries to can be subject to a civil suit.

@Seasawride to be honest I don't have much of a relationship with her at all. She's my DSDs mum. She communicates with DH and only with me when she needs to.

@JaneyEJones oh DSD is amazing she retains and remembers most things! She has a much better memory than me.

People this is nothing to do with breastfeeding you do realise this yes?

Yes. It will be difficult for her. Her DD is going to be part of another family - have a whole other life she's not part of - and that is such a difficult thing to come to terms with whatever the circumstances of the break up were. A wee bit of sensitivity required here.

She's just hitting out imo. It's time to be the bigger person. I'd just ignore and carry on as you are. Good luck with the pregnancy.

We need to normalize breastfeeding in our society, not hide it away, certainly not from a sibling!
People always try to tell you what's best for your baby, your baby, your instincts, you know best 💚

Really odd request as you could witness breast feeding anywhere! There was a women breast feeding at the park last time we went. I’ve seen women feeding in shopping centres, at the zoo, all sorts of places!

I don’t think it’s unusual for dad to retain the information and talk about it, she’s 6, that’s what 6 year olds do.

As for her mother, she has no rights to tell you what to do, when dad is with you it is up to your dh what she does and doesn’t do (and what she sees and doesn’t see). This woman sounds crazy, it’s really none of her business if you breast feed and where you breast feed. People can breast feed in public and chances are her dd has come in to contact with breast feeding women in the past. Ignore her.

I’m glad ‘you love having her around’. She is your husband’s daughter so this just sounds like an odd comment, as though you think the child should be in some way grateful.

@Naveloranges really?

I do love having her around as opposed to the other 50% of the time when we both miss her. I love having her around in the sense that she is part our life and our lives would not be the same without her. I love having her around as she has made pregnancy so much more exciting with all of her questions and watching her eyes light up when I talk about her being a brother or sister is quite amazing.

So yes I do love having her around, and no I don't expect her to be grateful. She's a 6 year old child I don't expect much from her at all.

OP as your OH has 50% contact if your DSD asks where a baby comes from then you can redirect her to your OH not just her mother.

In fact if you can now get your OH to read a book to her about where babies come from. While it would be preferred that her mum talked to her about bodies, babies etc if she is making weird requests like this to get control, your OH cannot be sure what other things she is or isn't doing/telling their daughter.

@Naveloranges there are some people on MN who actively dislike their step-children. Some of the children are adults and seem to have attitude problems, but most are kids. In my rl most of the step-parents/would be step-parents I know like their partner's children.

@BlueBug45 absolutely, but the idea of DH explaining childbirth to his DD is quite funny I think her mum would be best placed to explain it to her! I would love to sit down and talk to her about it but just don't think it would end well with her mum. This IS something I can avoid easily as opposed to the breast feeding issue.

Naveloranges wtf?! Given how many stepmums are accused of wishing their DSCs would just disappear how is it an odd comment for OP to clarify that she enjoys DSD being around? You're just looking to step-mum bash because there's nothing else in OP's posts that you can pick on to criticise.

Doesn't your DH have more experience of childbirth than you?

I don`t know how on earth you could look after an inquisitive six-year-old girl and a breastfeeding baby WITHOUT letting the girl see the baby feed.

But hey, look on the bright side - knowing your OH's ex is an utter weirdo explains why they broke up, without you having to wonder whether he did anything wrong :D

@ravenmum he has none at all. He was deployed with the army sadly when his DD was born and she was born via elective c section anyway so he has no experience of a vaginal birth. He met he for the first time when she was 2 days old.

OK, then the same amount of experience as you :D
Is he a bit shy about talking about bodies, then? My exh was a bit funny about that.