DSDs mum doesn't want me to breastfeed in front of DSD.

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Due mine and DHs first. We're very excited and can't waif for the next few weeks to pass so we can finally meet our little one.

DSD 6 was asking me what a baby eats and drinks, so me and her dad very briefly explained to her about breast feeding. She already knew about this and I think this is what she wanted to talk about but was too shy to bring it up.

When we had her at the weekend, DP had a text from DSDs mum stating that under no circumstances will I be breast feeding or exposing my breasts to DSD as it is inappropriate.

AIBU to think that this is a really bizarre ask?

I'm not going to go around flashing my boobs at her (or anyone for that matter) but I don't see anything wrong in a 6 year old (will be 7 when baby is born) seeing me breast feed?

Opinions?

She's off her rocker and I wouldn't engage with it at all. It's as ridiculous as her saying she doesn't want you to walk or breathe in front of your DSD.

You feed how you want, where you want, in front of who you want.

How strange. My stepson was 9 when DS was born and I breastfed in front of him. I had no choice really, DS fed every hour for forever and DSS is here half the week. He was supremely unbothered and still is, it's a non issue

Crazy!! OK maybe she can't help if she feels uncomfortable with it but surely there is a rational part of her brain that overrides the batshit part.....?!? No child was ever damaged by watching their sibling breastfeed. She will probably be curious initially then completely bored by the whole thing and ignore it.

I think if she is at your house 50pc of the time, your husband has equal say and while that doesn't mean that he can't listen to her opinion, he doesn't have to go along with it. Especially if most people would think it unreasonable.

Your step daughter might be feeling insecure anyway so surely disappearing for hours on end to a different room or sending her into another room would just make this much worse and cause more issues (unless you aren't close and she just wants time with her dad by herself)

I think I would try and keep the peace and get your husband to reply and say you won't be walking around with your boobs out, you will be discrete but you are worried about her feeling pushed out and not bonding with her sibling so won't be completely out of sight and just leave it at that. Hopefully it's a one off random brain fart from her and she won't come up with loads of other crazy impractical demands!

There will be next to nothing to see anyway - your clothes and your baby will cove nearly everything. You aren't going to be walking about the house with your swollen mammaries wobbling about like udders!

(And even if you did - it's Nature's Way)

That child will see more boobs and bums on underwear adverts than she will while you are feeding your newborn.

Tell her that as you will be breast feeding for a long time, it may be best if DSD doesn't come over
Don't do this in case this is the chance your DH's ex is hoping for . . .

My friend used to take my daughter upstairs with her to sit with her while she bf because my daughter had been asking questions about it and asked to watch. I didn't have an issue with it at all and was all for my daughter learning about what boobs are actually for!

She thinks it is inappropriate for her daughter to see another woman's boobs

She's never been to a changing room, or is it just your boobs the ex objects to?

I remember an old colleague literally howling when she discovered her ex was going to have another baby. She was 'feeling all the feels'.

I think, with respect, that this lady is jealous. I can understand that, it's not a massive leap. However, she has no right to govern what occurs in your household. As a blended family, you have every reason to communicate for the sake of harmony and so for this, I would ask DP to gently discuss her concerns and calmly nip it in the bud.

you need to be more circumspect about what private information you share with DSD.

but the fact that a baby will be breastfed really isn't private information, any more so than the fact you're having a baby in the first place. The majority of women initiate breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is what babies do.

I breastfed all of mine in front of my stepchildren, from my first when they were 9 & 7 to my last when they were 18 & 16. I don't think they took much notice of it when they were younger bar a few questions. I certainly wasn't waving my breasts about in front of them, but neither was I completely discrete like I would be in public.

I'm not sure whether you should just ignore her or explain to her why you won't be being banished in your own home (or alternatively banishing her daughter to another room) every time baby needs feeding.

When my youngest was about five a friend was still BF her four-year-old. My DD edged closer and closer on the sofa, watching with great attention. My friend asked if she wanted a go, and DD had a suck, said it was delicious. Whispered to me afterwards "It was horrible! "

She needs to define "exposing your breasts". I'm prepared to bet that, the occasional flash of nipple aside, her daughter will see less breast when you are breastfeeding than is on currently on show all over the place with people wearing low-cut and bikini-type tops in the hot weather. Are you now supposed to ensure that every woman coming into DSD's eyeline wears high-necked shirts and dresses?

I was 8 when my sister had a baby and I remember finding the whole breastfeeding thing fascinating. She would always do it in another room because our dad is quite shy and conservative and she didn't want him seeing her boobs (lol) but I would follow her and watch for a bit. It was interesting! Your DSD will totally track you down if she's curious and wants to have a look, so it's daft of her mum to think she can be 'protected' from this. Besides, it can only be a good learning experience! t gave me a whole new respect for how clever the human body is. Now I'm pregnant with my first I feel like I have a good idea what to expect.

I'm getting the impression I just need to get on with this and ignore her ridiculous request!

My IL and my own family wanted me to leave the room when BF in my own house - I ignored and they adjusted.

I do think some people have a fear of you getting everything out and waving it all around - until the actuall see you doing it discreetly.

Pre-school was bloody odd as well with DD1 and sometimes DS Bf toys ie copying me with DD2 - they constantly brought up how odd it was - I pointed out they were copying every time and evnentually they stopped.

I'd ignore for the moment.

Ridiculous, toxic behaviour. No wonder we have such an anti-breastfeeding culture in the UK, if little girls are not exposed to it from a young age how will they even know what it looks like if they become mothers themselves and want to breastfeed? Out of curiosity, what would she do if she was walking down the street with her daughter and they saw a woman breastfeeding in public? Would she put her hand in front of her daughter's eyes? OP, ignore her and tell her that if she can't stand her daughter seeing the most natural thing in the world, it's her problem. Please don't let this affect your time with your baby.

People this is nothing to do with breastfeeding you do realise this yes?

Op do you have a good relationship with her generally?

ha! what a crazy request, i really hope you dp supports you in this, ridiculous!

@seasawride i agree, its totally about trying to control what she really cant anymore

They can't just dismiss it altogether. She does have rights, no matter how crazy they might seem to most other people-they're obviously not irrational or crazy in her mind.

She doesn't have a right to dictate what happens in her ex's home when it can't conceivably harm her child.

Realistically, there's nothing she can do about this. If she were to try to stop her ex from seeing his daughter for this reason, she would be laughed out of court. But, to avoid confrontation, the best response would be just to ignore the request.

I wouldn't even respond. Don't even talk to her about it, it's such an idiotic request.

good grief, that is batshit.
You feed your baby when and how you like!

They can't just dismiss it altogether. She does have rights, no matter how crazy they might seem to most other people-they're obviously not irrational or crazy in her mind.
I'd like to see her reasoning in court. The kid isn't being told to stare at the OPs breasts. Believe it or not boobs are for this purpose. The kids mother sounds absolutely barking which makes me think this is a power play. Well OP I hope you breastfeed. After all what happens during contact (unless is abusive or damaging to the child) has absolutely fuck all to do with the mother.

lol I remember being rather horrified at the sight of my stepmother's breasts when she was feeding her babies... but...it has to be done.

hey can't just dismiss it altogether. She does have rights, no matter how crazy they might seem to most other people-they're obviously not irrational or crazy in her mind.

She doesn't though. She literally has no rights to dictate what they do in their home as long as long as the child is not being endangered.

Tell her fine then it would probably be best dsd doesn’t come for 6 months- a year then. Call her bluff and see what she says.

They can't just dismiss it altogether. She does have rights, no matter how crazy they might seem to most other people-they're obviously not irrational or crazy in her mind

She has absolutely zero rights to dictate how or where a mum feeds her baby. She isn’t the golden uterus who gets to tell another mum what to do with her baby.