DSDs mum doesn't want me to breastfeed in front of DSD.

[PinkThread]

Due mine and DHs first. We're very excited and can't waif for the next few weeks to pass so we can finally meet our little one.

DSD 6 was asking me what a baby eats and drinks, so me and her dad very briefly explained to her about breast feeding. She already knew about this and I think this is what she wanted to talk about but was too shy to bring it up.

When we had her at the weekend, DP had a text from DSDs mum stating that under no circumstances will I be breast feeding or exposing my breasts to DSD as it is inappropriate.

AIBU to think that this is a really bizarre ask?

I'm not going to go around flashing my boobs at her (or anyone for that matter) but I don't see anything wrong in a 6 year old (will be 7 when baby is born) seeing me breast feed?

Opinions?

[PinkThread]

@FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast it must be? You can get a caution for your boob being out in public because baby fell asleep? I would maybe have gone over and told her just to save her embarrassment but I certainly wouldn't be upset by it!

[FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast]

yep - total nonsense. My old dad gave me one useful bit of life advice, and that was, be aware that people talk complete, fabricated , pure bollocks, for fun.
How right he was.

[gryffen]

Hiya

No not police but security.

She wasn't cautioned for BF she was spoken to by two female officers in front of her witness on CCTV regarding exposing her full breast area to an area where children/young adults were shopping/eating/playing for over ten minutes and not covering up within a reasonable time once baby had delatched (she was fully exposed not just peeking out)

Wasn't us who raised the issue but other people who were concerned about abuse she may receive and they mentioned it to local police on patrol. We just had the issue of explaining to her that no issues with BF but she has to be aware of her surroundings and that's when police politely reminded her of exposure (she wasn't charged or anything just friendly advice that public place = risk of abuse etc).

Firm line between BF and swapping round to other boob and actually leaving it out for ten minutes while talking and not covering up - our patrol is private property so we have a duty of care to ensure she was safe on premises and also she wasn't breaking centre rules.

Between finding dead bodies, assault victims and thieves that's actually the worst one in last year before I left on maternity leave last month as I knew she was BF and has a right to do so but akward as someone complained and she technically did break common law breach of peace if you squint.

Joys of my work.

[PinkThread]

@gryffen So let me get this straight. A woman now has a police caution on her record for having her breast on show for ten minutes as she hadn't realised her baby had detached? As someone who has worked in law enforcement for all of my adult working lives I can tell you now that those officers should be verbally disciplined for treating a woman like that. It's absolutely appalling.

The way you talk about witnesses and 'being exposed' etc is shocking, and all of the mother who complained who happened to be breast feeding themselves should have had the balls to go and talk to her themselves. You don't call the police on a woman holding a baby with her boob on show. Jesus Christ.

I can't get my head round this at all sorry.

[Mookatron]

Yes why didn't the women say 'you've still got your boob out love' if they were worried?

There is not a 'firm line' between the two behaviours - saying there is actually just creates shame where there should be none.

[lapenguin]

She's trying to get you to push dsd away by doing this
She won't see much boob! Women breastfeed out and about every day.
It's things like this that cause problems with attitudes around breastfeeding

[Hissy]

As the EXW, she has NO business in telling you or anyone else how to live their lives, feed their own kids.

Leave it to DP and practice tinkly laughs and head tilts :D

[Butterymuffin]

So no one would go up to this woman and say 'love, your top is still undone' but they did call security??

[moofolk]

I'd go with what you seem to have decided and ignore this request. She probably knows how mad it is.

Is your DSD her only child, is she still single? I always think it's really difficult for a parent to see their own child become part of another family and she is probably jealous about this; she may even be kicking herself now for saying this and coming across like such a dick. Depending on how she is in general but her some slack.

Kids are not weird about bodies, they learn to be weird about bodies, and hiding breastfeeding only adds to this. Even when they have learnt to be weird about bodies they see feeding as different. A friend of mine regularly feeds her baby with 10-year-old DS1 around. She let her boob air for a few mins after and he was disgusted and embarrassed, looking away. She pointed out it was the same as a few minutes ago with no baby attached. "Mum put it away! Ewwww. It's ok when you're feeding but I don't want to see it when it's raw!"

[Tinkobell]

Flip it back to the DSD Mum via your DH
"What exactly have you told her breast feeding is or is about"?
"Has she sexualised breasts or breast feeding in some way"?
It's just odd. To be honest, I'd be inclined to tell her a carefully considered "Fuck off"

[Lisabel]

1. It's one way for her mother to put distance (physical and emotional) between you and your DSD.
   

1. She might be jealous if she did not (or could not) breastfeed
   

I would probably use a cover/muslin and say that your DSD will not see anything but that you will obviously still need to feed the baby while she's there and that that will be most of the time in the first few weeks.

[SwearyMaclary]

OP sounds like you need to get one of these (and maybe send one to your DH’s ex too).

@gryffen your story would sound insane if it weren’t so obviously made up.

[Desmondo2016]

Does it actually require an answer? What did DH sat at the point at which she said it, or was it an email/message?

[ThumbWitchesAbroad]

She's got issues.
I wouldn't even dignify it with a response.
I also wouldn't go out of my way to hide breastfeeding from the DSD when she's there - if she's curious, then she'll want to look anyway.

My sister had issues with bf'ing. She thought it was disgusting, like milking a cow (well duh, same thing, small mammal taking milk from its mammalian mother). She tried to imbue her 3 DDs with the same disgust. However, I didn't let that stop me bf'ing DS2 in front of them, and at least one of them was quite interested - one was completely not bothered but the 3rd was all "ewwwww", which she'd picked up from her mother.

[Kokeshi123]

Given the rise in crime in London and some other major cities in the UK, I think I'd prefer it if the police didn't waste their time policing women's breasts.

[Lethaldrizzle]

If my exes new partner wanted to breast feed, I'd like her all the more. Couldn't care less if my kids were in the room

[PinkThread]

@Desmondo2016 it was a text message which DH hasn't replied to. He's said that he will do whatever I feel is best as I am the one whose life she is trying to dictate. I appreciated that and that he would respond however I thought was best (or course within reason). My decision now is that he just texts her saying that she has nothing to worry about and that he will parent his daughter when she's with him however he sees fit.

[Ary2017]

Very weird request. I cannot get my head around people who think breastfeeding is inappropriate... it's defo them that has the problem. She wouldn't want to come round my house, mine are out constantly
It's sad because she should be encouraging her daughter to see breastfeeding as normal. It's no wonder that breastfeeding uptake is so low

[TheBigFatMermaid]

I have no idea where you live, but you could be out in a cafe near us some day, with your DSD and my DD could be breastfeeding her DD in the same cafe. She would be discreet about it, not so as to protect anyone else, but for her self, but she would still do it, whether your DSD or anyone else was there or not. Many women BF in public, as the should, so does she intend on keeping her locked indoors for the rest of her life, or is just your particular boobs feeding her younger sibling that are offensive? Stupid woman needs to give her head a wobble!

[crazychemist]

I assume she won't be able to give a reason, because she's just trying to be difficult. Your DH could either ask her explain why she thinks it's inappropriate for a child to see a baby feeding in a natural and normal way, or he could just state that it's not inappropriate and that he's looking forward to his DD seeing how a baby is fed and raised. End of.

(Personally, I do end up letting it all hang out at home sometimes as DD can be a total breast-pest and is a great fan of acrobatic breastfeeding! Only when it's just the two of us though. Generally, I agree with everyone else saying she won't see much of your boobs, feeding a newborn is nice and subtle because they don't wriggle yet!)

[funinthesun18]

She’s feeling a bit threatened and out of control of the situation because she can’t stop you from having a baby with her ex. You’re all going through a life event together as a family and she isn’t part of it, so she’s doing this to try and claw back any control she can.
I don’t think she actually gives two hoots about her DD seeing a woman breastfeeding because she knows full well women do it in public and that it’s natural and nothing to be ashamed of, but she’s just using it as an excuse to stick the boot in and let you know she’s there while you’re all rightfully in your happy little bubble.

Let her crack on.

[Confusedbeetle]

Just say nothing and then feed when you like, she will get over it

[GameOfMinges]

The phrase tough titty never seemed so appropriate...

Anyway, DSD mum can hold whatever opinions she likes, that's her right. What she can't do is dictate what her child's father does during his contact time. If she's that worried and thinks it's a welfare matter, the appropriate recourse is SS or to apply for a court order. I would bet my left tit that neither of these is going to lead to the outcome she wants.

No good is going to come of you replying to that text, though.

[TakeMeToKernow]

@Juells love your story

Yep, echo that the text is actually nothing to do with BFing

I received a text before father’s day from my OH’s ExW re arranging gifts... first such communication in five years. Five. I can assure you that it was actually nothing to do with gifts. I don’t know what it actually was, as I just ignored...

[Pepper123123]

It makes me sad that another woman...a mother especially would be of the opinion that breast feeding is inappropriate.

What a very strange view she has.