DSDs mum doesn't want me to breastfeed in front of DSD.

[PinkThread]

Due mine and DHs first. We're very excited and can't waif for the next few weeks to pass so we can finally meet our little one.

DSD 6 was asking me what a baby eats and drinks, so me and her dad very briefly explained to her about breast feeding. She already knew about this and I think this is what she wanted to talk about but was too shy to bring it up.

When we had her at the weekend, DP had a text from DSDs mum stating that under no circumstances will I be breast feeding or exposing my breasts to DSD as it is inappropriate.

AIBU to think that this is a really bizarre ask?

I'm not going to go around flashing my boobs at her (or anyone for that matter) but I don't see anything wrong in a 6 year old (will be 7 when baby is born) seeing me breast feed?

Opinions?

[Aw12345]

Boobs are made for feeding babies. That is their function. They're not primarily sexual just our culture has made them that way.

Breastfeed away I say. What would she do if her daughter saw a random stranger breastfeed in public?!?!

[Bluntness100]

I think your husband should respond and say that breastfeeding is totally normal and that you will be discreet, but that banning their daughter from seeing breastfeeding is unhealthy and leave it there.

I suspect she's struggling with thr fact you're pregnant.

[midnightmisssuki]

dont argue with stupid, she'll drag you down to her level, then beat you with her experience. Feed as and where you like, as lon as you and baby are comfortable. I BF in front of my daughter and she fully understands what i was doing, she has tried to BF her dolls.

[PolkerrisBeach]

She will be curious and will ask lots of questions. My niece and nephew were just the same when they saw me feeding my oldest. I was happy to answer their questions and not embarrassed at all by them seeing me feeding.

It's entirely the mother's issue - just as it was the issue with my sister in law. She hadn't breastfed either of hers and her children thought babies got milk out of bottles, not from their mums. So of course when her kids saw me feeding my baby, she had all sorts of awkward questions to field about why she hadn't fed them that way. And she didn't like that much. Her husband was equally horrified by breastfeeding and was shocked that I was happy to do it in front of other people.

[PinkThread]

@Bluntness100 thing is, we have her 50% of the time, she's an absolute delight and we love having her around. At the end of the day I'm probably not going to be discreet in my own house and if I want to sit with my boob out and baby attached watching the tv then I probably will. I don't think she even deserved for us to tell her that I will be discreet. Just that it's none of her business.

Anyway. Glad I'm not BU and there isn't some sort of weird breastfeeding etiquette I wasn't aware of!

[HelenDenver]

Yes, ignore this.

[Deshasafraisy]

Your dh should just reply “lol 😂 funny one!”

[stayathomer]

Its not her decision really

But it is, it's her child. No matter how unreasonable it is it's her right to not want her daughter to see it. When I was younger (as in before I had kids), I would have found it extremely uncomfortable to see people breastfeeding. It was all me but I couldn't help how I felt. If she is the same and is uncomfortable with breastfeeding it is something that you and OH have to talk about it. You can't just ignore her as she's raising an issue about something she's uncomfortable about in relation to her DD. It's not fair but it's her right as a mother to not expose her child to something she's uncomfortable with, no matter how irrational.

[Herewegoagain01]

Crazy...what a strange view of breastfeeding your dsd’s Mum must have! I’m with the other posters, wouldn’t engage in discussion about it with her. I really don’t get the issue with not letting children see breastfeeding!

[Deshasafraisy]

Stayathomer-
She shouldn’t be indulged because what she feels uncomfortable about is beyond ridiculous

[WorldCupnovice]

Stayathomer Yes , it is her child, but her she is also the OP's DH's child. Does he not have an equal say?

[PinkThread]

@stayathomer but we are talking about breastfeeding. There is absolutely no way I am hiding away in my own house to breast feed 50% of the time. What exactly would me and DH talk about?

My DH is uncomfortable about his daughter being babysat by his exes boyfriend, but he doesn't raise it. He knows the bloke is a nice guy and realised that that's just life and he has to accept that his daughter has a stepfather. He can't just make a demand and tell her it's not to happen and she's to get a babysitter?

What about MY child and what's best for MY baby?

[WhiteCat1704]

It's not fair but it's her right as a mother to not expose her child to something she's uncomfortable with, no matter how irrational.

That might be true during her 50% of the time. The other 50% she is with her father who makes those decisions.
And it does matter how irrational it is.

[AveABanana]

It's entirely the mother's issue - just as it was the issue with my sister in law. She hadn't breastfed either of hers and her children thought babies got milk out of bottles, not from their mums. So of course when her kids saw me feeding my baby, she had all sorts of awkward questions to field about why she hadn't fed them that way. And she didn't like that much.

Same here - SIL told her DDs that she couldn't feed because she had small boobs and that they wouldn't be able to either. She's at least a C cup. She'd had bugger all support from MIL who told me she didn't hold with all that nonsense - all in front of DNs.

[BounceAndClimb]

YANBU at all, DD1 is nearly 6 and doesn't react to me breastfeeding at all. If I'd gone off and hidden in another room each time that would've made her think it was something to be embarrassed or ashamed of, aside from the fact you can't realistically hide from a 6 year old. They're inquisitive shed likely come looking for you and ask to see the baby and what could you do then, say no you're not allowed to and to go away?

You should avoid showers together/try to cover up getting changed etc but to expect you to avoid her every time you feed the baby is ridiculous especially if you have once obsessed with feeding who comfort feeds for hours on end!

[Herewegoagain01]

It's not fair but it's her right as a mother to not expose her child to something she's uncomfortable with, no matter how irrational.

Yes, but her mum can’t dictate everything that happens at her dads house. Especially for things such as how a baby (that is nothing to do with her) is being fed.

[PinkThread]

@BounceAndClimb oh blimey I would never shower in front of DSD or be naked in front of her. She's seen me run across the landing in my bra before but that's about it!

[Littlechocola]

Poor child is going to have so many hang ups about her own body.

[pictish]

Dsd’s mum feels threatened by the arrival of your baby and the bond her dd will have with him or her. She is afraid that her dd will end up preferring your set up over being at home with her. She is trying to assume some control over the situation by creating an obstruction.

Don’t allow her to dictate what goes on in your home. Tell her no. If she chooses to escalate on the back of her preposterous request, then that is her choice and she may be held accountable for it. You certainly aren’t doing anything wrong.

[LittleLionMansMummy]

I think you'll be hard pushed to find anyone who would agree with her tbh. How bizarre.

[Juells]

Could be misconstrued as 'daddy doesn't want to see you anymore so you're not going' and totally backfire.

Exactly.

But really, would the DSD even see a nipple? Once that baby clamps on - especially if it's in a sling - there's nothing to see. If the mother is ultra ultra ultra prudish why not humour her to the extent that you let the baby latch on elsewhere - so if the baby cries you pick it up, leave the room or turn your back, and start feeding. It might cause less friction to give a tiny bit of ground, have a bit of muslin draped over your shoulder or something. I know you shouldn't, but who wants aggro when they're dealing with a new baby?

[PinkThread]

@Littlechocola I don't think she will. I'm not going to give in to this request of course, and don't think that this one incident implies that she's going to have lots of hang ups when she's older? I think she is more likely to have issues because her mum is clearly trying to be involved in mine and DHs life, aspects that she's not really entitled to be involved in...

[SarahH12]

She sounds crazy! Fwiw my DSD is 6. If we go swimming I shower in front of her and yes if she really wanted to look she could see my breasts. She also has this weird habit of sitting right outside the ensuite in our bedroom so when I come out of the shower she's there and of course sees everything.

I certainly wouldn't limit feeding my baby in front of her, that's absurd.

Tbh I would just ignore her request. Its totally her issue and not yours / your DP's to worry about.

[dueanotherchange]

How utterly ridiculous. And so glad your DH is on side.

She has serious issues and frankly, if she voiced them to 95% of the population she'd get the same reaction as you've heard here.

[flowery]

”It's not fair but it's her right as a mother to not expose her child to something she's uncomfortable with, no matter how irrational.”

No one’s asking her to expose her daughter to anything she doesn’t want to. But she’s trying to tell her daughter’s father what he is allowed to expose her to, which is none of her business.