Is this sexist

[deniselouise]

Or aibu to think this is actually just good manners and quite sweet.
So im in the gym by the front desk waiting for a friend to come out of the changing room.
At the front desk theres also some chairs for people to sit.
So theres about 5 men sitting in them and talking. One of them really loudly,repeatedly swearing using the f word. Literally after every word lol.
Then a guy walks by hears,points at me and says hey man respect. Potty mouth then apologizes. Tbf to potty mouth he probably didnt notice me but aibu to think the guy that told him off for swearing infront of me had good manners?

This isn't sexist

Yes, that's incredibly sexist. He acted in this way because you were (in his eyes) a weak little girl, in need of his protection, unable to defend yourself or speak up if you were offended.

You should have had a go at him. Sexism is sexism even if done with the best intentions.

Are you for real?

"had a go at him"? Fuck.

No it’s not sexist. It’s polite. Anyone who is offended by that needs to get a grip.

Of course that is sexist.

Nope, that there is a well raised gentleman. I'm glad they still exist I was losing faith!

Yes it's sexist.

But it is also polite. Smile and move on.

Wouldn't have bothered me tbh.

I would have thought the person was being polite rather than sexist.

Yes it is sexist because it implies that you have to talk differently around women for some reason. It might seem like nothing, but men who believe women need to be treated differently will treat them differently in all aspects of life - including in the workplace. A lot of disadvantage in jobs comes from men not including women in the networking where the real deals and promotions happen. If men think they have to modify their language around women then they just won't bother including them - it becomes 'men's talk' and automatically excludes talented women for no other reason except their sex.

Loud and sweary could be seen as intimidating to a lot of people so I think it was a nice thing to do regardless.

@Spaghettijumper

What a load of utter nonsense! ^

Some women take offence any ANYthing.

Sexist but polite IMO. I wouldn’t think anything else of it c

@Spaghettijumper

What a load of utter nonsense! ^

Some women take offence at ANYthing.

To me it reads less that the man was less sexist than you were timid in speaking up? Not blaming or accusing or anything like that, women are trained by centuries of ignorant men to not speak up if we can get along being slightly uncomfortable.

I don’t blame you for not speaking up, but I would feel a bit annoyed that someone spoke up for me, kind of displaced annoyance at myself I think!

Surely it's polite that he pointed out to the otherwise unaware group that there were other people in earshot who may not appreciate the swearing.

Perhaps it is cos the passerby thinks women should be given more respect and treated with politeness rather than thinking they are 'weak' and can't handle foul language (which, of course they can). No one needs to overhear other people's swearing and I know I'm getting fed up with people using inappropriate language when DC are in earshot so good call on the man to point it out.

And, whatever his motivations, let's not criticise a man for treating a woman nicely by calling out other men who should be able to police their own manners better. We need more men to pull up their own sex on inappropriate behaviour whoever it is in front of, but especially women, don't we? And for that reason alone, he should be seen as doing a good thing.

Fantastic argument chrisinthesun, well done.

Well said @middleagedmanic !

Of course it’s sexist, it implies that you shouldnt swear around delicate little lady ears, BUT, it’s also polite and I wouldn’t get too annoyed about it to be honest.

I think the fact that he pointed specifically to the woman in the room as the reason for the man to be quiet is sexist. Nice, but sexist.

But it was also a nice gesture and by the sounds of it he needed shutting up! I'd say something like "thank you, but my feminine ears won't bleed" - not in a nasty or sarcastic way, just as a jokey thing but it might make him think!

Generally I feel more uncomfortable rudely challenging what you might call gentlemanly sexism than other types because they're being polite and looking out for your welfare, even if it is coming from a misguided place.

I find it hard to 'argue' with utter senseless tripe @spaghettijumper

So to the offended, do you allow men to open doors for you

Oh right, that's a great excuse for saying pretty much nothing other than a sexist remark chris!

I think it's nice.

Why the fuck does the door thing always come up?? I expect everybody to open doors for everybody else @Lethaldrizzle, as long as they are physically able to. It's just polite. I don't see why having a penis or vagina should come into it at all, given that you generally don't use your genitalia to open doors.