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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this sexist

188 replies

deniselouise · 11/07/2018 15:05

Or aibu to think this is actually just good manners and quite sweet.
So im in the gym by the front desk waiting for a friend to come out of the changing room.
At the front desk theres also some chairs for people to sit.
So theres about 5 men sitting in them and talking. One of them really loudly,repeatedly swearing using the f word. Literally after every word lol.
Then a guy walks by hears,points at me and says hey man respect. Potty mouth then apologizes. Tbf to potty mouth he probably didnt notice me but aibu to think the guy that told him off for swearing infront of me had good manners?

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 11/07/2018 20:30

I do wonder sometimes if some of the people bemoaning the disappearance of "old fashioned" haven't actually experienced it,alongside all the expectations,constraints and control.

When I hear "old fashioned " parenting/morals/men etc ...it just makes me shudder.

VioletCharlotte · 11/07/2018 20:34

It is sexist, but his intentions were good so I wouldn't be annoyed by it.

Lethaldrizzle · 11/07/2018 22:36

I open lots of doors for people, - man, woman, child, animal but I do like I when men open doors for me. Shoot me now!

Kit10 · 12/07/2018 07:17

Lethaldrizzle

That's hilarious. Why? Does it give you some kind of validation?

rosesandflowers1 · 12/07/2018 07:40

I like it when my DH does it.

When it's just random men it's the same as when random women open the door for me - it's kind and I say "thank you."

Why would the fact that they're men make it any more impactful?

Dieu · 12/07/2018 08:14

If there were more men like him around - the ones who aren't scared to speak out - society would be a much better place.
He'd have probably said something if it were a child, or an elderly person, being sworn in front of too.
Good on him, I say.

StealthPolarBear · 12/07/2018 08:32

Someone else vulnerable then?

StealthPolarBear · 12/07/2018 08:35

I'm not vulnerable or weak avnd I resent people assuming I am and making decisions on my behalf. And when it comes to the bloody doors I expect people to hold doors open for each other.

StealthPolarBear · 12/07/2018 08:36

How would it be if I asked someone to stop swearing as here was a man in the vicinity who I didn't know but thought he might get upset or scared by the bad language. Bizarre?

rosesandflowers1 · 12/07/2018 08:50

He'd have probably said something if it were a child, or an elderly person, being sworn in front of too.

You don't see a problem with adult women being grouped with children in terms of vulnerability?

Confused
BertrandRussell · 12/07/2018 08:50

"If there were more men like him around - the ones who aren't scared to speak out - society would be a much better place.
He'd have probably said something if it were a child, or an elderly person, being sworn in front of too.
Good on him, I say."
The works would be a better place if men spoke out against sexism and misogyny regardless of who was there to hear, and didn't put women in a box with children and elderly people as requiring special consideration. Men could make such an enermous difference if only they wanted to.

UneMoonit · 12/07/2018 08:51

Une our endgame is to be seen as able to participate fully as human adults without needing the men to protect us. Otherwise as a pp clearly explained there will be other things that the men will protect us from and we may not agree or like it. But we'll have to smile and simper because they'll just be being kind.

I understand the point, and I love the ideal, but we do not live in a reality where women can protect themselves on equal terms with men - this is why DV exists and is not just a punch up between equals. This is why rape is physically and in other senses easy for the nasty men who do it.

A future where no men protect women (not from themselves I agree there, but) from other men, where you are not seen as more vulnerable, is a Somalia type situation for women.

I do wish it could be as you say, though. It would be fabulous.

TheHulksPurplePanties · 12/07/2018 08:58

It's sexist and I fucking hate it when men do that. I work in a male dominated environment and I find it so isolating when they clean up their language for me. I can handle curse words thanks, in fact, I probably curse more than you do.

StealthPolarBear · 12/07/2018 09:00

But protecting women from swearing is not the same thing. Completely agree that women cannot protect themselves from physical attack as well as men and in that situation anyone (man or woman) who intervenes is a hero. However most of us do not live in fear of physical assault and so assuming we also need protection in areas of our life where we're perfectly capable of managing our own responses and actions is infantilising.

FortuneFavoursTheBald · 12/07/2018 09:01

Massively sexist.

"Don't fucking stop fucking swearing on my cunting account" would have been the best response

StealthPolarBear · 12/07/2018 09:02

Don't curse on this thread because Im going to point randomly at Bertrand and assuming she'd self combust if she saw the f word on her screen. I have no evidence for this assumption but I have good intentions therefore it's fine.

StealthPolarBear · 12/07/2018 09:02

Bertrand are you OK dear? I can tell the nasty people to go away ;)

Deathgrip · 12/07/2018 09:10

Jesus. It’s quite simple - would he have done the same thing if you were male? He wouldn’t - ever seen a guy point to a bloke in the vicinity and say “men present, have some respect”? Of course not.

On that basis it’s sexist. Whether it’s also nice is a separate issue, but I take exception to the idea that I’m a delicate creature who needs protection from profanity. So while it may seem nice, it is rooted in some not so nice attitudes about female fragility.

Vashna · 12/07/2018 09:11

No, I’ve no idea why you might take offence at that OP. I genuinely hate hearing swearing in public. DH will always give people a look to earn them and, if that doesn’t work, I’ve lost count of the times he’s asked groups of men to drop the language on tubes, trains, pub gardens, etc. It’s anti-social anyway and yes, men do speak differently when women aren’t around and I have the right to feel uncomfortable at being exposed to that. Its not difficult to clock when there are women around in public places and alter your language accordingly. Just as women may avoid certain language or words around children - this is common sense.

Deathgrip · 12/07/2018 09:12

He'd have probably said something if it were a child, or an elderly person, being sworn in front of too.

FFS. Thanks for proving the point, though!

Vashna · 12/07/2018 09:12

warn not earn, sorry.

TheHulksPurplePanties · 12/07/2018 09:25

DH will always give people a look to earn them and, if that doesn’t work, I’ve lost count of the times he’s asked groups of men to drop the language on tubes, trains, pub gardens, etc.

Why does your DH have to do it, why don't you?

BertrandRussell · 12/07/2018 09:26

Oh thank you, polarbear-I was feeling a bit faint. I'm a woman and elderly, so it affecte me particularly badly........

Vashna · 12/07/2018 09:33

TheHulks - obviously if they were concerned about me and other women they wouldn’t be using foul language in the first place and, yes, I fully admit, I do expect DH to deal with those kind of situations on my behalf because he’s my husband and why wouldn’t he?

TheHulksPurplePanties · 12/07/2018 09:46

obviously if they were concerned about me and other women

But most women aren't offended by swearing, so why should they care. We don't melt upon hearing the word fuck. If YOU don't like it, YOU should speak up. Having your DH fight your battles for you just further reinforces the idea that women are weak and unable to voice their own opinions.