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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister is having Christening right after my due date

257 replies

2stayor2go · 09/07/2018 13:43

Had to NC for this as I could be outing myself here.

Sister has been going on about how important it is for her for the whole family to be there at her son's christening. She's now just WhatsApped everyone in a group chat, saying that the event will take place 2 days after my due date.

This is my first child and so I told her, it probably wouldn't suit as I would either have given birth by then or risk going into labour. She's refused to change the date despite the fact that our brother can't make the event either.

She's texted me back expecting that we'd be there (me and DH), and if not, we could just transfer her the money for the food in case I'm giving birth. After the ceremony, she's booked a dinner-thing at a nearby restaurant, and would expect me and DH to pay £65 each even if we can't make it!

AIBU to think this is extremely cheeky? Our parents have expressed that they think my sister is in the right and that we might as well go if I haven't given birth!

OP posts:
Hideandgo · 09/07/2018 13:44

You know well she’s completely out of order. Just message her that you can’t make it so not to book the restaurant for you.

itswinetime · 09/07/2018 13:45

You rsvp no and of course you don't pay she's being ridiculous!

noenergy · 09/07/2018 13:46

£65 even if you can't make it, that's just ridiculous. And since when do people pay for their own christening food? Is that not up to the host?

TheOneWith · 09/07/2018 13:46

Well yeah she’s being cheeky, but why can’t you go if you haven’t given birth yet?

WhoooaTherePickle · 09/07/2018 13:47

£65 each! Christenings I have been to have either had a buffet or tea and cake after in the church hall. It would be a no from me...whether I had had the baby or not!

TurnipCake · 09/07/2018 13:47

Yep, CF territory

"That doesn't work for us" lather, rince, repeat

BlueBug45 · 09/07/2018 13:48

Babies frequently come after due dates while some come before, so unless you have a planned c-section or have a set date to be induced you have absolutely no idea when between 37-42 weeks you will go into labour .

Simply tell your sister unfortunately you cannot be present as you are having a baby around that time then don't reply to any further communication about the christening. Also remove yourself from the WhatsApp and tell your parents the matter is between you and your sis so they need to keep out of it.

Janeinthemiddle · 09/07/2018 13:49

How far is the christening to your house/hospital?

mindutopia · 09/07/2018 13:49

I think really she can have it whenever she wants, but she can’t get upset if you (or others) can’t come. If you’d like to be there and it’s close by, I would just say you’ll decide on the day if you want to come to the church, depending on how you feel, but won’t plan to come to the meal. Though really who books a £65 a head dinner for a christening? Is it Michelin starred?

Snappedandfarted2018 · 09/07/2018 13:49

Are you a first time mom? The likelihood of your dc arriving before or on your due date is slim. I went brothers wedding when I was close to having dd in Preston I packed my maternity stuff should I have to leave and go to the hospital.

Beeziekn33ze · 09/07/2018 13:50

That's not a family christening, it's a rip off! £65 each to celebrate a baby being named?! Are they wealthy!? Presumably not or they'd be treating everyone.
Send a nice card and present and your retreats at not being able to join them!

TheOneWith · 09/07/2018 13:50

^you have absolutely no idea when between 37-42 weeks you will go into labour .

Simply tell your sister unfortunately you cannot be present as you are having a baby around that time^

I don’t understand all this? Do women not leave the house these days for the last 5 weeks of their pregnancy?

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/07/2018 13:50

Yes she's being cheeky asking for money. It would be totally different if she had said that if you were able to come you were welcome, but obviously you might not be able to so just come if you can. And don't worry about the money. She must be aware that by organising it on that date it could be likely that you couldn't come.

Beeziekn33ze · 09/07/2018 13:52

regrets, not retreats!

henpeckedinchief · 09/07/2018 13:53

So cheeky! Tell her you don't want to risk paying £130 (!!!!!) if you and DH might not be able to go anyway so you'll RSVP no for the meal regardless and attend the ceremony only if on the day you a) haven't given birth and b) feel up for it. If she and your parents don't like that they can choose another bloody date. Honestly they are being absurd!

worstmovieever · 09/07/2018 13:53

I would say no just on the basis it's going to cost you £130 for meals!!

Bluebelltulip · 09/07/2018 13:54

If it was a more casual thing I'd say see how things go and how you feel, however I would not be paying that much for a meal that I may not be able to go to.

2anddone · 09/07/2018 13:55

She sounds like she is trying to steal your thunder!! Deep down she knows the chances of you being able to attend are slim and she wants all the attention refocussed back on her and her dc! Is her dc the first grandchild? It sounds to me like she is feeling jealous, a christening can happen at any age why wait until you are about to give birth and your brother is unable to make it if everyone attending is so important!!

AssassinatedBeauty · 09/07/2018 13:55

@TheOneWith I think that most people avoid making firm commitments for expensive events around their due date. I'm sure they still go out and about to things that don't matter if you have to leave or cancel at short notice.

rainbowstardrops · 09/07/2018 13:58

£65 each for a meal after???!!!!! Shock I did a buffet in the garden Confused
If the Christening isn't too far away from you then I'd say I'd be at the service as long as the baby hadn't only just arrived but wouldn't be coming to the meal because you can't guarantee being there.
I know she can arrange it for whenever she wants but she must realise she's being a bit daft. Surely?

BlingLoving · 09/07/2018 13:58

I think attending a christening even if you're at your due date is fine. But being hesitant to commit to a total cost of £130 when there's a chance you won't make it is a little bonkers and your sister must know that.

Mammaof · 09/07/2018 13:59

Why can't you go if you haven't given birth? You've got a long wait if you think your going to go into labour before or dead on your due date. Especially with your first, most have to be induced

SmellyNelly2018 · 09/07/2018 13:59

CF - christening guests don’t pay for own food. Say no sorry that date doesn’t work as too close to my due date so DH on whatsapp group so I/we will be unable to make that date sorry. Then delete from WhatsApp group.

Snapped - actually I was early with both mine 5 days with DS eldest and 3 days with DD and I wouldn’t fancy attending any special event within days of giving birth.

I think your sister is maybe jealous your also having a baby so she has picked this date to make it awkward for you and to focus the attention on her.
OP could possibly attend christening if she wasn’t in labour hadn’t just given birth if her sister wasn’t choosing such an expensive meal option, demanding they pay up front whether or not they can actually go and her sister might as well have picked her due date for the christening.

expatmigrant · 09/07/2018 13:59

If you've not given birth yet, I would attend christening but not meal and refuse to pay for it.

RicStar · 09/07/2018 14:00

I would just say no. I am 40 weeks pregnant now - I have done plenty over the last few weeks but a long formal meal costing £65 per head I can't imagine anything I would like to do less - I would pop to church or for slice of cake in a hall.

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