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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister is having Christening right after my due date

257 replies

2stayor2go · 09/07/2018 13:43

Had to NC for this as I could be outing myself here.

Sister has been going on about how important it is for her for the whole family to be there at her son's christening. She's now just WhatsApped everyone in a group chat, saying that the event will take place 2 days after my due date.

This is my first child and so I told her, it probably wouldn't suit as I would either have given birth by then or risk going into labour. She's refused to change the date despite the fact that our brother can't make the event either.

She's texted me back expecting that we'd be there (me and DH), and if not, we could just transfer her the money for the food in case I'm giving birth. After the ceremony, she's booked a dinner-thing at a nearby restaurant, and would expect me and DH to pay £65 each even if we can't make it!

AIBU to think this is extremely cheeky? Our parents have expressed that they think my sister is in the right and that we might as well go if I haven't given birth!

OP posts:
DarklyDreamingDexter · 10/07/2018 21:34

Just say no, you won't be attending in any case. You'll either be very heavily pregnant, in labour or giving birth, or have a newborn. She can take her £65 a head meal and stuff it. There no reason why she shouldn't delay the christening a few weeks if she genuinely wants you there. Has she got form for trying to turn the spotlight on herself? Cheeky mare, just say 'no' and don't give it a moment's thought or concern.

Clubcuts · 10/07/2018 22:01

@zeeboo do you always talk utter crap? No most first babies are not late - fact
OP may be in early labour uncomfortable fact
OP may be just haven given birth and just not feel like a christening and fancy meal - fact

And the biggest face is that Dsis expects her to pay for not coming - fact

Barbara1956 · 10/07/2018 22:03

Just tell her No...to ask a guest to pay £65 in case they cannot attend at a Baptism is truly CFery...I went to a pre-wedding meal years ago that I was told was being paid for by the Grooms' very rich father...who drank vintage wines all the way through...I thought that I would be responsible and order normal food instead of the very expensive specials...as you can guess when the bill was presented everyone had to pitch in...I was appalled, I had just about enough in my account and had to get my husband to transfer funds so I could also pay the hotel I was obliged to stay at...I was really upset and it took us months to recover financially...so , for me , the wedding was ruined...lots of people are CF's...I know better now !!!

celticprincess · 10/07/2018 22:15

I love all the experts saying ‘most have to be induced’ or ‘most come after their date’. Well both of mine came before their dates by 10 days. You are not being unreasonable to decline. I went out for a meal the night before giving birth and felt awful. Didn’t realise that it was actually the start of labour and attended the meal because it was a close family emigrating the next day. Baby arrived so quickly they managed to see her before their flight. There’s no way I would have attended anything for a few weeks after the birth either as I was in agony from my stitches, shattered from no sleep and generally feeling crap.

Scotland32 · 10/07/2018 22:19

She is being unreasonable to charge people to attend her child’s christening. Never heard of that before. But unless it’s a long journey it’s a bit precious to think you can’t attend a social event just because you are heavily pregnant. If you have already given birth (or are in labour) by then then naturally you (or DH) just call them and tell them you are otherwise engaged!

starlight13 · 10/07/2018 23:34

If you are having a Christening for your little one, make sure you hold it on the same date as your nephews birthday :)

CoffeeCoffeeTea · 11/07/2018 00:31

Read the first two pages and then the last post. Totally agree with SweetPea and I have never ever had to pay to attend a Christening/Baptism. I'm shocked that anyone would even ask.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/07/2018 01:55

One of mine was late, one was early. Both were induced. I was in hospital for 3 nights after each one.
There are NO givens when it comes to having a baby, even if you've had them before.
So much can change in such a short space of time, you can't even confidently predict that a 7th child will go the same way as the previous 6.

I agree with everyone else - tell her you won't be attending the meal, whatever, but you'll come to the service if you are able to. And definitely don't give her any money!

CosyLulu · 11/07/2018 02:02
Biscuit
NewRoadToHappinessxx · 11/07/2018 02:54

Message the group.

Really hope to be at the church with, or without, our baby in our arms but feel either way I won’t feel up to the meal. I know the church is the important part of a christening so I promise that dh will roll me there if required.

Leave it at that. Turn up to the church with new baby, steal the limelight, leave. Job done

Bibesia · 11/07/2018 06:01

zeeboo, where did OP say she expected the world to stop?

As for your assumption that the only thing that could prevent her attending is being in labour, have you never heard of pregnancy and birth problems requiring longer hospitalisation? The odds of her being unable to go are certainly rather higher than you suggest.

user1471426142 · 11/07/2018 06:47

Because of the amount of people that bang on about first babies being late and mothers being pushed out of hospital quickly I was totally unprepared for my waters breaking at 38 weeks and the time I was in hospital. I spent 2 days in and out of hospital for monitoring before being admitted, another 48 hours before the baby came and then another 3 days in hospital. I did go to a wedding when my baby was 4 weeks old but it was hard. I’d be saying no to the christening meal but say if you’re well enough, you’ll go to the church. Im
Pregnant again and I won’t be doing any travelling after 36/7 weeks as I don’t fancy gushing everywhere again.

bamboolzled · 11/07/2018 08:46

If that was my sister I'd be telling her right "Go Do One"

your about to give birth. Sorry not the most scheduled of things to ever take place, let along could be 30 minutes or 4 days.

You could end up with a ceasarian (sorry i can't spell it) and be bound to a bed for nearly a week with recovery.

So in short "Do One" and as for the money tell her to do a "Even Shorter One"

good luck and hope you do have an easy birth BTW

personaperona · 11/07/2018 08:52

Just had a christening in our family. Host pays. Not everyone could make it. That’s more normal!
Just tell her you won’t be able to make it as it’s around your due date. Then stay away and send group chat a pic of the baby if you have little one by then Grin

DeniseRoyal · 11/07/2018 10:25

Your sister is a grabby, selfish CF!! And just for the sheer cheek of her asking for money when you may not even be there, I absolutley wouldn't go. Tell her to go fuck herself sideways and blame pregnancy hormones 😁😁😁

ChrisNReed · 11/07/2018 10:47

Sound like you are being punished.

Leapfrog44 · 11/07/2018 11:17

I think she's being an absolute cow! Going before birth will be fine but she can't charge you if you can't make it due to going into labour! And as for going out after having a baby, that's ridiculous. You'll be physically sore, possibly uncomfortable sitting down, tired emotional and just wanting to nest. I'll say it again - selfish cow!

TorviBrightspear · 11/07/2018 11:53

A very quick Google is showing lots of information that first borns are more likely to be born EARLY.

Larrythecat · 11/07/2018 12:38

Both of mine were late, 10 and 12 days each.

Mummyoflittledragon · 11/07/2018 12:52

I can’t believe the attitude of people like zeeboo and CrazyUnicorn: because they had no pre or post birth issues op would be precious to decline. Confused

SuitedandBooted · 11/07/2018 12:59

Just say something like;

"We won't be there, and I'm not paying for food we won't be eating."

She has deliberately chosen a date that her brother can't make, and her about-to-pop sister can't commit to.

Is she a little bit peeved that your child will take attention away from hers?

Icanttakemuchmore · 11/07/2018 13:16

Your ds must be made of money if she can afford £65 per head for everyone. Just tell her you won't be going.... In the event you can make it, I'm sure the restaurant can fit in two more, problem solved.

Icanttakemuchmore · 11/07/2018 13:16

Dsis

Fitzsimmons · 11/07/2018 14:11

When did Christenings become these ridiculous over the top affairs with lavish props and cakes and huge expense? What happened to promising the child to God? Is that not the main focus anymore? I refused to get my children Christened because I'm not religious and it seemed hypocritical but it looks like that isn't really the main focus anymore.

Anyway, just tell her you can't go. Even if you haven't given birth by then I guarantee that the baby will be pressing against your stomach so much that you won't be able to enjoy £65 worth of food and it will be a huge waste of your money.

HairyToity · 11/07/2018 14:25

I've never been asked to pay for my food at a christening.