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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister is having Christening right after my due date

257 replies

2stayor2go · 09/07/2018 13:43

Had to NC for this as I could be outing myself here.

Sister has been going on about how important it is for her for the whole family to be there at her son's christening. She's now just WhatsApped everyone in a group chat, saying that the event will take place 2 days after my due date.

This is my first child and so I told her, it probably wouldn't suit as I would either have given birth by then or risk going into labour. She's refused to change the date despite the fact that our brother can't make the event either.

She's texted me back expecting that we'd be there (me and DH), and if not, we could just transfer her the money for the food in case I'm giving birth. After the ceremony, she's booked a dinner-thing at a nearby restaurant, and would expect me and DH to pay £65 each even if we can't make it!

AIBU to think this is extremely cheeky? Our parents have expressed that they think my sister is in the right and that we might as well go if I haven't given birth!

OP posts:
RoboJesus · 09/07/2018 14:02

Just say you aren't going and that's that. A christening isn't important. You and your babies health and wellbeing is

diddl · 09/07/2018 14:02

Tell her that you won't be going to the meal after.

Maybe you could just go to the ceremony if possible?

LaurieMarlow · 09/07/2018 14:03

Of course she's being unreasonable. Tell her very firmly not to book for you.

Also £65 is a huge amount per head for this kind of occasion. Don't get me wrong, I've paid that and much more for special dinners for me and DH, but It seems a collosal amount to expect friends/family to pay. I presume gifts are expected too?

actuallyquitesmall · 09/07/2018 14:03

If the christening itself was actually important to her (rather than the big knees-up) she'd be calling it by its proper name - a baptism.

Ceecee18 · 09/07/2018 14:03

I think the problem is that OP would have to pay the £65 per person in advance of the christening. So if she did happen to be in labour or has just given birth, she wouldn't be able to go and wouldn't get the money back. Is that right OP? If it is then your sister is being very unreasonable.

Either way, I didn't leave the house or see anyone other than DP for the last two weeks before my due date. It was the middle of summer, I was the size of a whale and going anywhere was far too much effort.

Creatureofthenight · 09/07/2018 14:03

As others have said, reply that you hope to be able to make it to the ceremony but you’ll have to give the —very expensive non refundable meal— a miss.

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 09/07/2018 14:03

Bet she ups her cf game if you deliver early and says no dc allowed except hers!
Just rsvp" its a no from us"!

Creatureofthenight · 09/07/2018 14:04

Darn strike through fail!

bakedlikeabun · 09/07/2018 14:04

No is a complete sentence.
I assume she has told people not to bring gifts for the baby as she is not paying for the meal? We paid for first christening meal and pil kindly paid for second. Individual guests did not pay anything.

LaurieMarlow · 09/07/2018 14:05

I don’t understand all this? Do women not leave the house these days for the last 5 weeks of their pregnancy?

Well of course not. However, I know I'd avoid a pricey formal occasion that I'd be too uncomfortable to enjoy.

DieAntword · 09/07/2018 14:06

I am going to assume that the "christening" is actually an excuse to raise money for some giant heroin deal at that price.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 09/07/2018 14:07

I'd say no, at the cheek of asking guests to £65 for food.

Mmmmdanone · 09/07/2018 14:08

I never understand people who have a celebration but expect others to pay. No way would I pay to go to a christening, family or not. She should put on a celebration she can afford to pay for. You have the perfect excuse not to go to the meal. Could you maybe meet them at some point in the day if you haven't given birth yet? But say you can't commit to the meal as you can't afford to pay for a meal you may or may not be able to have.

Mookatron · 09/07/2018 14:09

Just say 'I would hate to upstage you/DN by going into labour!' as it sounds like she is attention seeking massively!

daisychain01 · 09/07/2018 14:11

I just don't get the woman's logic. You've already said it's your due date, what doesn't she understand about that, and even if you could attend, how can she possibly expect you to want to be there after her performance with demanding £65 from you both.

She's utterly clueless and on another planet.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 09/07/2018 14:12

She can fuck right off.
It's her choice to set you up to fail - no way should you pay her for setting you up like that.
Honestly, tell her to fuck off. Please.

BarbaraofSevillle · 09/07/2018 14:14

Your due date is a red herring here. The real issue is the £65 per head meal. Is that a normal expectation in your family? That's ridiculous unless a wedding or you are all very wealthy and your 'norm' which clearly it isn't.

Whatever the event, hosts provide the catering and a few sandwiches and cake is much more normal after a christening. If they want more from that, they pay for it.

DamsonGin · 09/07/2018 14:15

Could you suggest you'll try and make it to the ceremony of you're fit and able, but not the meal afterwards? The christening itself would be the important bit after all.

SmellyNelly2018 · 09/07/2018 14:16

Women do leave the house before labour but sitting for long periods, trying to sit comfortably and trying to consume a large meal when you are very heavily pregnant are difficult.
I was out and about until the day before I went into labour with both mine and I was quick getting out and about with DC in a low key way with DH. But I wouldn’t fancy a celebration, big meal at that stage in my pregnancy or immediately after giving birth.
If your sister was so bothered about you being there knowing you were pregnant and may be otherwise engaged she should have checked about your due date, but I expect she knows this full well and has arranged it then to make it deliberately awkward for you.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/07/2018 14:19

I’d send a message that you would love to come to the church service if you are able. I like this so I’d probably include it.

I would hate to upstage you/DN by going into labour!

How horrible of her to compete with you like this and make you out to be the unreasonable one. Sounds just like the sort of games my family play with me.

Imchlibob · 09/07/2018 14:19

Even if you weren't pg this would be major CFery - it's fine to invite family to a restaurant and ask them to pay their own way - not everyone can afford to pay for a meal for dozens of people - but it goes "we are booking a table at xxxxx after - please let us know if you would like to join us. We'll be buying wine for the tables but everyone will need to go Dutch on food" - and then people get to decide if they can afford it and can just choose a maim without starter or pudding if they are on a budget.

CF rating doubles due to your due date obviously. Do politely decline the restaurant invite and don't fork out a penny. The restaurant will not charge her for your meal unless she insists that it is served to an empty chair and thrown away after, which would be utter madness.

I wonder if she is insisting you pay because the restaurant set price menu is actually £55 a head and she is telling everyone to pay £65 in order to get her own & partner's meal free? One person declining would then throw out the maths.

Inertia · 09/07/2018 14:20

Yanbu-sister astonishingly cheeky, parents wrong.

If you don’t have to travel far you could try to attend the ceremony if you’re able to, then swerve the ripoff meal.

Brown76 · 09/07/2018 14:20

"I don’t understand all this? Do women not leave the house these days for the last 5 weeks of their pregnancy?"

Not when it's costing them £65 a pop they don't!

blacksax · 09/07/2018 14:20

£65 a head?
What's wrong with some sandwiches, cake and trife back at the house afterwards?

Hideandgo · 09/07/2018 14:22

I’ve never heard of people paying for themselves at a christening. Which is why I think most people don’t do a big meal out.