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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister is having Christening right after my due date

257 replies

2stayor2go · 09/07/2018 13:43

Had to NC for this as I could be outing myself here.

Sister has been going on about how important it is for her for the whole family to be there at her son's christening. She's now just WhatsApped everyone in a group chat, saying that the event will take place 2 days after my due date.

This is my first child and so I told her, it probably wouldn't suit as I would either have given birth by then or risk going into labour. She's refused to change the date despite the fact that our brother can't make the event either.

She's texted me back expecting that we'd be there (me and DH), and if not, we could just transfer her the money for the food in case I'm giving birth. After the ceremony, she's booked a dinner-thing at a nearby restaurant, and would expect me and DH to pay £65 each even if we can't make it!

AIBU to think this is extremely cheeky? Our parents have expressed that they think my sister is in the right and that we might as well go if I haven't given birth!

OP posts:
TheIcon · 09/07/2018 14:46

Tell your parents to make the most of the christening as it's likely the only one they'll be attending if they carry on like this

Knittedfairies · 09/07/2018 14:47

I wouldn’t be going anyway @£65 per head!

CrackerCrisp · 09/07/2018 14:50

Expecting everyone else to pay £65 is CF at its finest. What is she thinking?

Both of mine were born before their due date so can we stop speculating that most babies go over.

Just tell her you won’t be going. If you haven’t given birth how about just going to the ceremony if you’re able.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 09/07/2018 14:51

£65 a head? Bloody hell.

It's a bit crappy as she could pick literally any day for the christening whereas you don't get to pick which day you go into labour.

But she is your sister so I would probably suck it up. I would go if you can, but tell her to stick the £65 of if you don't. I cannot comprehend how or why you would need to pay for food that you haven't ordered or eaten...?

WigglyBlossom · 09/07/2018 14:53

What @henpeckedinchief said.

If you are able, go to the actual christening, but not the meal afterwards. If it's in a church they can't stop you.

Plus I think she's a bit of a CF for expecting her guests to pay. Not even taking into account it's £65 each!

Applesandpears23 · 09/07/2018 14:54

YANBU. This is why my 2nd wasn’t christened until she was 11 months. I had to block out the two months around the due date of my sister and one of the god mothers and avoid my partners’ parents extensive retirement holiday plans. Oh and we paid for everyone’s food and drink. Don’t go.

DamsonGin · 09/07/2018 14:54

Did she actually ask if you'd like to go or just tell you?

ChaffyMcChaff · 09/07/2018 15:00

I wouldn't be going regardless of whether I was pregnant or not...£65 for a Christening meal 😂😂. She's having a CF-ing laugh!

In any case OP, you really don't have to explain yourself any further...you've given a perfectly acceptable and valid reason to decline! Just make it doubly clear that you absolutely will not be stumping up any money!

Caroelle · 09/07/2018 15:05

The christening date may have been fixed by when the church does baptisms, our local church does them all together once a month. As others have said, go to the ceremony if you want to, but don’t arrange to go for the meal. I’m sure that you have better things to spend £130 on at present (and probably more if you add in drinks). However you could always contact the restaurant yourself and explain the situation and ask if it would be difficult to add a couple more guests on the day. Both my children were born before 38 weeks, by that stage I couldn’t eat a two course meal or sit comfortably on a dining chair for long periods of time. Go with what feels best for you, if you are stressed this will affect the baby as well.

Original poster
2stayor2go · 09/07/2018 15:07

Maybe I explained the payment-thing poorly in my original post.

She and her DH will pay for everyone attending, but as they have to reserve seats and pay for guests beforehand, she is not willing to pay for me and DH in case we can't make it - hence asking for £65 from each of us in case we don't attend.

If I say that we'll try to make it, she'd basically demand £130 off me and DH in case we're in the hospital with a newborn. I still think this is incredibly cheeky.

OP posts:
NotTakenUsername · 09/07/2018 15:07

Chances are however you will be fine, just uncomfortable/tired. It's good to get out though

What on Earth are you basing that on!?

Lostbeyondwords · 09/07/2018 15:07

My ds was baptised a few weeks before dd was born. It was hot, stuffy, hugely uncomfortable and if it hadn't been for my own child I wouldn't have gone! And afterwards we had sandwiches at my mums!

You don't get to just pick the date though normally OP, the priests usually do them in batches so there will be dates to choose from but if that's the most convenient one for her with spaces, then yabu for wanting her to change it.

But her approach is totally U. £65 a head for food even if you don't go? Madness. You've got better and more important things to spend that money on with a newborn.

Lostbeyondwords · 09/07/2018 15:09

Ah xpost. That makes sense and is only sensible planning on her part, but in that case I'd just say it's fine don't book me for food. Just in case.

LoniceraJaponica · 09/07/2018 15:09

I agree that you could just say that you will attend the service if you can, but not join them for a meal afterwards. Then delete yourself from the WhatsApp group.

Are all the other guests OK with being asked to pay for such an expensive meal?

IncyWincyMouseRat · 09/07/2018 15:10

As others have said, there’s a good chance you won’t be in labour/have just had a baby. First babies are on average around 8 days ‘late’ so I don’t necessarily think it’s a piss take to book it around then BUT to demand your presence and/or request you pay is pure CF behaviour.

I’ve booked a couple of things around my due date and couple of weeks after, knowing full well I could still be pregnant then or have a very new baby but nothing expensive and certainly haven’t got my heart set on anything. The best she can expect is ‘we’ll be there if we can’.

dueanotherchange · 09/07/2018 15:10

If the christening is within an hour of your house/ the hospital, and you've had a good pregnancy, then you should go.

However, if you're not there, you don't pay! And anything else is just ridiculous.

3luckystars · 09/07/2018 15:10

Just say you can't travel and wont be there.

brizzledrizzle · 09/07/2018 15:15

The church won't charge £65 for the christening and that's surely the important bit? Tell her that you will go to that if it's convenient but not the meal.

GladAllOver · 09/07/2018 15:16

The Christening is supposed to be a religious event for the child, not an excuse to make people pay for a lavish meal.

Tell them you will be at the Christening if you possibly can, but will not be able to attend the meal. Solved.

ReservoirDogs · 09/07/2018 15:16

Ask her how many other people she is demanding payment up front from in case they don't make it eg. because they are ill on the day?

Then if she says noone else then say that answers the question as to whether I am paying too.

Just say no if you don't want to go

AlwaysTheEnd · 09/07/2018 15:16

Oh dear, this is classic AIBU!!

First things first. Why on earth are you texting one another! It's weird, prolongs the drama and means that there will be more chance of misunderstandings. Just pick up the phone and call her. ( Much less entertaining from a AIBU point of view but much more sensible)

Just say you will go to the christening if you are ok to go and plan to miss the evening do. There is no need for there to be any dilemma.

Confusedbeetle · 09/07/2018 15:18

Great excuse not to go, is she a deep and meaningful Christian?or looking to have a party that all pay for themselves

StatisticallyChallenged · 09/07/2018 15:28

Hang on, so she's paying for the rest of her guests but won't pay for you and your DH in case you can't come - which is highly likely given it's two days past your due date so you may well have given birth or be at some stage of labouring, or just feeling like utter crap. But she's also expecting you to be there. So she's scheduled the christening for a day which you probably can't make, is going to strop if you say no BUT is also expecting you to pay in case you can't come?

Tell her to get to fuck. She's setting you up to fail here so you might as well do it without spending £130.

ittakes2 · 09/07/2018 15:32

It sounds like she might be a bit envious of the attention you might be getting around the birth...so she's decided to draw the attention back to her! Show her this thread! You are being very patient with her - I would just say no outright.

Redundancy1 · 09/07/2018 15:37

as well your sister being a CF, your parents are being pretty awful backing her up.