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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sister is having Christening right after my due date

257 replies

2stayor2go · 09/07/2018 13:43

Had to NC for this as I could be outing myself here.

Sister has been going on about how important it is for her for the whole family to be there at her son's christening. She's now just WhatsApped everyone in a group chat, saying that the event will take place 2 days after my due date.

This is my first child and so I told her, it probably wouldn't suit as I would either have given birth by then or risk going into labour. She's refused to change the date despite the fact that our brother can't make the event either.

She's texted me back expecting that we'd be there (me and DH), and if not, we could just transfer her the money for the food in case I'm giving birth. After the ceremony, she's booked a dinner-thing at a nearby restaurant, and would expect me and DH to pay £65 each even if we can't make it!

AIBU to think this is extremely cheeky? Our parents have expressed that they think my sister is in the right and that we might as well go if I haven't given birth!

OP posts:
raisedbyguineapigs · 09/07/2018 14:22

She's being ridiculous. She wants you to try and get there, but she has put an obstacle in the way that would only mean that you would have to refuse. She can expect what she likes. I bet she changes her tune when no one wants to go to the christening. I wouldnt pay out #65 for my own meal at a baby's christening!

Sunnymeg · 09/07/2018 14:24

To be fair, she might be restricted in the choice of when the christening can take place. At our church, regular attendees can have an {infant baptism} christening more or less whenever they want, but non attendees are limited to a few days a year when our minister does a job lot of them on a Sunday afternoon that suits him. So it may be the case that if she didn't opt for a christening close to Op due date, then she might have to wait months, and perhaps see OP child christened first.

However, it is completely out of order to charge for the christening meal. Attendees will be expected to buy a gift for the child and shouldn't be asked to fork out for a meal as well. You cut your cloth according to what you can or want to afford.

NerdyBird · 09/07/2018 14:24

Say no to the meal and that you'll come to the church if you feel able. My DH family organised a dinner for a birthday the evening of my due date. I said I'd come if I felt up to it and nobody minded or tried to suggest I should pay a share even if I didn't go. As it was, I did go, with 17-day old dd! She turned up 3 weeks early. She was my first too, first babies aren't always late!

Xenia · 09/07/2018 14:24

That's really awful of her and unkind. We even had the baptism of the first in the North hundreds of miles from us to make it easy for a heap of old ladies and relatives to attend. Also no one pays and you don't tend to put much on other than a few stale buns surely? It's all about God at the end of the day.

cakecakecheese · 09/07/2018 14:25

65 quid each?! What's wrong with some sausage rolls and a bit of quiche in the church hall? Madness.

She's probably already paid a deposit because she didn't have the sense to check numbers first. Maybe say you'll transfer a small proportion of the money into the child's bank account/trust fund as surely providing for the child's future is more important than paying for food you won't be eating Wink

SaltyPeanut · 09/07/2018 14:26

What if you haven't given birth, go and your waters break on her special day and in doing so steal the attention she seems to crave.

Would right piss her off and I bet you'd never hear the end of it.

As for the £65/£130 for the meal, laugh at her and say you need that money for YOUR baby.

Your Sis sounds quite horrid and an inconsiderate CF.

When you were children, did she happen to jump about shouting look at me or "injure" herself whenever your parents were paying you attention by any chance.

HouseworkIsASin10 · 09/07/2018 14:27

Just say you can't commit, so don't book you a space on the meal.
Depending on circumstances, you may be turning up for the ceremony (the main bit).

Helloisitteaurlookingfor · 09/07/2018 14:27

Sod a 3 course dinner when due or overdue. I had lost all appetite when heavily pregnant, baby was probably sitting and squashing my stomach, so there's no way I'd want to sit through that let alone have to pay for it.

HeGotManFlu · 09/07/2018 14:31

Id say you'll both love to come to the service if you can but won't be attending the meal afterwards, that is a real c.f. way to behave.

MatildaTheCat · 09/07/2018 14:31

Oh the barminess of some people. I’d just reply that sorry but you will in that case be declining as you can’t commit to the meal.

Depending on location and how you are feeling you might attend the ceremony.

One last thought, if you’d had the baby early and were feeling up to going would she want another £65 for the baby’s place? Grin

Hissy · 09/07/2018 14:32

Don't even stress a second over this, just decline and wish a great day but you won't be attending.

Mummymummymummmeeeee · 09/07/2018 14:32

Wow! Your sister is being ridiculously unreasonable! And has she thought about the fact that you might upstage her LO if you go into labour on the day or if you take your new born with you if you have the baby before the due date. I definitely wouldn't pay the £65 each if I was you.

BolleauxtoBankers · 09/07/2018 14:33

She's the epitome of cheeky fuckeriness and sounds rather unpleasant, to boot.
I would say that you'll go to the church service if you are able to and to count you and your husband completely out of the dinner in any case and you will not be contributing to a meal you won't be able to go to. Also, I would be tempted to add, "Since when do guests at a christening have to pay for themselves? You are the hosts, you ought to be paying for the whole occasion."

ExConstance · 09/07/2018 14:34

I agree with all that has been said about attending the Christening if you feel up to it but saying a firm no to the meal. If you are overdue you will feel extremely uncomfortable even sitting upright in a hard restaurant chair, and probably with not much of an appetite and taste buds that won't appreciate the food anyway.

HyacinthsBucket70 · 09/07/2018 14:35

Say you will attend the christening if you are able, but you're not committing to an expensive meal when there is a fair chance you won't be able to attend.

Why is she being so insistent if your brother can't go either? Weird.

KERALA1 · 09/07/2018 14:35

Don't listen to the first babies always late thing mine arrived 37 weeks no warning...

ItsNachoCheese · 09/07/2018 14:36

Tell her to take a running jump. £65 a head?! Is a michelin starred chef doing the food?

SilverPartyShoes · 09/07/2018 14:36

Wow...£65...I would invent having a baby, just so I wouldnt have to go.
You are definitely not being unreasonable, a first baby (any baby) is a major event in your life, and you need to be relaxing at this point, not being uncomfortable.

The meal is also ridiculously costly, considering gifts, clothes etc.

I’m still bristling from a friends birthday meal we attended which was a horrific expense, that I’d rather not have incurred.

SilverPartyShoes · 09/07/2018 14:38

Even if you’d had the baby, attending with a tiny baby, is no one’s idea of fun..

Birdsgottafly · 09/07/2018 14:38

I agree about not having a choice over the date. My DD has had to taken a date in August, or wait until the next Month.

We are then having food in the Church Hall and anyone out of the congregation is welcome and it's still only costing us a maximum of £200. It will be alcohol free, though, but people can bring their own. I'm doing the buffet though, only bits of it will be bought.

I and my DD both had easy Births, but most people don't feel like sitting and eating a full meal, so soon.

I suppose it could be worse, she could be asking for a contribution, but declaring it child free.

NotTakenUsername · 09/07/2018 14:41

I don’t understand all this? Do women not leave the house these days for the last 5 weeks of their pregnancy?

They do, but they don’t pay £130 for a meal they might not eat...

SoyDora · 09/07/2018 14:42

How far away is it? My best friend came to my wedding, an hour away from home, 2 days after her due date (she stayed over for 2 nights too!). I wouldn’t refuse based on the fact that it’s close to my due date.
I would strongly object to spending £65 per head on a bloody christening meal though!

Hastalapasta · 09/07/2018 14:42

CF territory indeed!
All of my DC arrived a week early btw.
Good luck with the birth!

FriendOfScarecrow · 09/07/2018 14:43

The labour thing is not an issue, you probably won't go in to labour that day.

The 65 pounds a head to go to someone else's Chriitening is a joke though.

DOn't go.

northernlites · 09/07/2018 14:43

Your pregnant, being active, out and about is good for you, and being passed your due date is not important really, approx 5% babies turn up on time.
You pregnant and not in jail so attend the christening if your well,
but I would suggest you don't pay anything up front as who knows what will happen, you may have had the baby, you maybe in labour??
Chances are however you will be fine, just uncomfortable/tired. It's good to get out though