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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do people assume everyone has child care?!

243 replies

InTheLightOfTheMoon · 08/07/2018 20:56

I have an appointment to meet my sons new teacher tomorrow as he starts reception in september. However I have just noticed that the letter states parents only! (My mistake for not noticing it the first time) This means I am unable to attend as I have no child care. Why do they assume everyone has child care? Aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:
SellFridges · 08/07/2018 20:58

They might not expect everyone to have childcare, but they probably do expect everyone to be able to read the letter. If you had read it earlier you could have called and asked them if it’s ok to take your child. As it is, you’ll probably have to take them with you and hope for the best. And apologise profusely.

As an aside, I find many parents at our school ignore such instructions anyway leaving those of us who do bother to get something sorted a little bit miffed.

HettySunshine · 08/07/2018 21:02

If you can't get childcare take your dc with you. We had our meeting at my dad's school a couple of weeks ago and, although it was ostensibly parents only, there were a couple of children (and several young babies) there.

They didn't cause any bother.

VladmirsPoutine · 08/07/2018 21:03

I don't think it's unreasonable to presume people have childcare - in other words - in the vast majority of circumstances it's really not the other person's problem or concern. This inflexibility and rigidity ends up screwing a lot of (mainly women) people over in all areas of life, from jobs/careers to social lives and so forth. It is annoying, I agree, but that's what it is.

Original poster
InTheLightOfTheMoon · 08/07/2018 21:03

I dont have just one child I would have to take so definitely cant go. I cant believe I missed it the first time tbh like I said my mistake and it was in brackets so I probably just scanned it. I find alot of places do seem to think everyone has help.

OP posts:
confusedofengland · 08/07/2018 21:06

Do you have anybody you could do a childcare swap with? I am in this position myself next week & have arranged with a friend that she has my DC for 10 mins for the appointment then I'll have hers for her appointment, which is immediately after.

Giraffesandllamas · 08/07/2018 21:06

Are you sure they don't mean no extended family i.e grandparents, aunties. uncles etc?

BarbarianMum · 08/07/2018 21:08

Well most people do have some kind of childcare back up precisely because there are quite a few occasions when you need to do things things without taking one or more of your kids with you.

Knittedfairies · 08/07/2018 21:10

I was thinking the same as Giraffesandllamas; so no doting grandparents or cousins. Otherwise it would have said ‘no children’ surely?

Metoodear · 08/07/2018 21:16

We had this and people still brought their toddlers

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 08/07/2018 21:19

When asked, if it is a one to one session they usually don't mind as long as there isn't anything you don't want discussed in front of his teacher. Do expect it to be an adult centric meeting although they may well take the opportunity to notice your son's behaviour. Group meetings are a bit more tricky. Unfortunately schools often seem to forget that children need to be looked after. I would ring in the morning and explain your situation. I have no family who could have looked after mine and even though they had strict 'no siblings at nativity policy' the meet the reception teacher was always ok even though they said no children.

Grammarist · 08/07/2018 21:22

A LOT of people don't have any backup childcare ready to go at a moment's notice. Or even a week's notice. I find this kind of thing very difficult to organise so, OP, I completely sympathise with you.
Some of us don't have family nearby or friends that are available to help. Sometimes work patterns don't match; often people who say they'll help turn out to be ineffectual twats who will happily get you to do childcare from them but won't reciprocate. (I may be bitter...)

Hope you get something sorted. If not - just take your child in. They can't expect miracles.

Grammarist · 08/07/2018 21:24

I actually think it's completely unreasonable to assume that people have childcare that can be fairly easily sorted.

User467 · 08/07/2018 21:24

Are you sure they mean no kids and not no Gran/aunts/child minders?

Pengggwn · 08/07/2018 21:25

It's not really an assumption that everyone has childcare. If you don't have childcare then ask for a phone call instead.

SasBel · 08/07/2018 21:28

Had this last week, teacher was lovely, saw me (with 3 DC) after school on Friday instead. Really appreciated it!

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 08/07/2018 21:29

Well most people do have some kind of childcare back up precisely because there are quite a few occasions when you need to do things things without taking one or more of your kids with you.

Depends how you organise your life but when they were little they were either with me of dh all the time. Drs appointments were when they were in preschool and carefully arranged. Ditto dentist. My hair is long so no lengthy hairdressers. Work always fitted around dh's hours. I have been in my current job for 12 years and only paid £15 childcare. Now they can be left anyway. I have friends who would take them in an emergency and with whom I would swap baby sitting favours but they had their own routines and their dc didn't go to the same school. When more established for parents evenings often just one of us went or we would know people in the school. There was no extended family for this sort of thing, just as we can't summon the dead for grandparents day.

Wheelerdeeler · 08/07/2018 21:32

Could the children's other parent not mind them while you go to the meeting?

Original poster
InTheLightOfTheMoon · 08/07/2018 21:33

Nope I have no one at all.

It says this is a meeting for parents only please. Hmm I guess it could mean no extended family, hopefully that is the case!

OP posts:
Unsure123123 · 08/07/2018 21:34

Not everyone has childcare! The school will recognise this. It will be fine to take her.

zen1 · 08/07/2018 21:35

Give the school a ring and explain the situation. Maybe they will say it’s okay to bring your DC.

TheTroublesomestTribble · 08/07/2018 21:37

Can't you use sitters.com?

I do understand that you might prefer to leave them with someone you know, or not to have to pay, but the reality is you could purchase childcare, you're just choosing not to do so.

It is your right not to, of course, but you do have choices here, don't dress it up as 'having literally no childcare'.

This is why people get shirty when small DCs are brought to an inappropriate environment on the grounds of 'no childcare' btw. Lots of people (inc me) are in the same boat but put our hands in our pockets, and suck up a less than ideal situation.

TooStressyForMyOwnGood · 08/07/2018 21:38

YANBU. The assumption is annoying and unhelpful.

That said, I would definitely ask the school in the morning as it may well mean no extended family, grandparents etc rather than no other children.

RockinRobinTweets · 08/07/2018 21:39

Get used to it! Schools seem to assume that you’re sat at home on your own ready to accommodate their every whim Grin. Last minute costume anyone?

Wizzwazzwas · 08/07/2018 21:43

I have learned over the last 9 years with kids at primary school that it is rare for our school to make a fuss if those with no childcare bring the kids. The exception is performances. If you have no other option I would just take them tbh.

chrysalis7 · 08/07/2018 21:45

@RockinRobinTweets

Get used to it! Schools seem to assume that you’re sat at home on your own ready to accommodate their every whim grin. Last minute costume anyone?

This x 1000!

YANBU @inthelightofthemoon So many people assume everyone has 15 family members and pals they can turn to at the drop of a hat. Many people do not.