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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Why do people assume everyone has child care?!

243 replies

InTheLightOfTheMoon · 08/07/2018 20:56

I have an appointment to meet my sons new teacher tomorrow as he starts reception in september. However I have just noticed that the letter states parents only! (My mistake for not noticing it the first time) This means I am unable to attend as I have no child care. Why do they assume everyone has child care? Aibu to be annoyed?

OP posts:
schoty77 · 08/07/2018 21:55

If it was me I would just take other the kids, I would also assume it meant no extended family.

CoffeeOrSleep · 08/07/2018 21:56

Call the school first thing (the office will usually be taking calls from 8:30ish if you have an early appointment), explain you have no childcare and is it ok if you bring the children with you, that you'll give them colouring books/ipad/phone games to play quietly in the corner, or if this can't be done with the chidlren there, can you reschedule to an evening or phone appointment?

MoreProsecco · 08/07/2018 21:56

I'm interpreting the letter as no extended family.

I also don't have anyone who can look after one DC whilst I deal with another. I have taken DD to smear tests, hospital appts etc. It costs £30 for a half day extra session at nursery (assuming they have a spare place that day) and there have been times I could not afford that.

I would not be happy leaving DC with a random sitter they've never met before.

And most of my local friends are working, so wouldn't be available.

It's a big assumption to make that everyone has backup childcare on tap.

user7469322 · 08/07/2018 21:58

@TheTroublesomestTribble

You do understand that the OP may not even be able to afford someone off sitters.com?? Especially, as she’s already said, she has more than one child with her??

What a terribly presumptive reply!

Racecardriver · 08/07/2018 21:59

Every parents only invitation we have recieved has stated that children can be brought along if no other childcare arrangements can be made but they aren't really wanted.

busybuildingdens · 08/07/2018 22:03

Even my DCs nursery expected me to have family who could help out when they did not have space for an extra day! People always expect that you have someone and it drives me crazy. I have moved heaven and earth (or payed a lot money) to get childcare for school meetings, only to find that everyone else has brought theirs along. So definitely check with the school (or take them and plead ignorance!)

TigerTooth · 08/07/2018 22:04

If you had have read the letter you surely could have found someone to watch them? If not then you could have called the school for advice but you've left it a bit last minute now to dump a chlldcare issue on them. There will be performances, assemblies and parents evenings too so perhaps its time you sorted a babysitter.

HyacinthsBucket70 · 08/07/2018 22:05

Parents only means don't take your children.

NormHonal · 08/07/2018 22:11

OP I feel your pain. No local family and a child with SEN who doesn’t like strangers coming to babysit = dragging the kids along. Once they’re in school it gets easier, you can build some networks and swap favours (just make sure you don’t take the piss). But if you call and explain I’m sure you can have a phone call or drag your children/mindees along.

IME schools are crap at realising that parents have children, which is how come they are involved in school meetings/events in the first place, and most cannot click their fingers and magic them away.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/07/2018 22:16

There are quite a few options available for most people, so I think it is assumed tbh...

  1. The other parent
  2. Any relative
  3. A neighbour
  4. A friend (friend swap with the parent with the next appt)
  5. A babysitter
middleeasternpromise · 08/07/2018 22:18

Its an offer to meet the teacher, you can say hello by telephone if you have child care responsibilities - if he's starting school in Sept don't worry you will have plenty of opps to meet the teacher don't sweat the small stuff.

SilverOnToast · 08/07/2018 22:21

Yes, it’s annoying when people make assumptions, however I would also say (without wanting to sound precious): your child is starting school in September. Whether or not you have older DC, starting school is a big deal and a big transition. The foundation year experience varies quite a bit from teacher to teacher and is demanding for a young child’s attention span and is a big step up from nursery.

A lot of the information they give you at the meeting could be about ways to support your child with this huge transition. If you have a child demanding sweets, a toddler rolling around on the floor, or even a six year old on your phone beside you, you may not be able to concentrate fully on the information provided (similar to not reading the letter properly to begin with).

Again, I don’t want to come across as judgy - and absolutely do take your DC along if there’s no other way to manage it, but “parents only” really does mean no DC, so that you and others can focus.

MoreProsecco · 08/07/2018 22:23

Don't agree with that. In my situation:

  1. Other parent - DP works away
  2. Grandparents - don't live nearby & are elderly/in poor health.
  3. Neighbours: not the done thing round here, hardly know them (all working anyway).
  4. Babysitter - would have struggled to pay someone at many points in recent years. Young DC not happy to be left with strangers.
arethereanyleftatall · 08/07/2018 22:28

A friend?

codswallopandbalderdash · 08/07/2018 22:32

OP I am often in your boat. It is a pain as lots of people I know have large /extended families. We have no one to rely on either. to PP who suggested friends, my friends work too! The only option for us is to juggle or for me to take unpaid leave from work

MoreProsecco · 08/07/2018 22:33

Friends all work Mon-Thu - prettty common round here.

There are a couple of SAHM's I could ask in an emergency, but DC don't really know them. Certainly wouldn't use them for routine childcare.

Cherryminx · 08/07/2018 22:39

I would just go with child. If you don't want to say you misread the letter then just tell them you had something arranged but it fell through.

However it would probably be worth trying to build up a network of childcare as this will almost certainly happen again. I was constantly put in the situation when my DC were younger - no local relatives, DP always at work etc.

Maybe you can find some friends in your DCs class parents. Primary school is quite good for this sort of thing as you see parents at pick up and drop off and you generally get to know the parents of your DCs friends. There will almost certainly be other parents in your position so you can offer to swap when it comes to things like parents evening.

Oly5 · 08/07/2018 22:41

Yanbu, it annoys me too. I have no family nearby at all.
I just ignore the rule and take my other child in.

Original poster
InTheLightOfTheMoon · 08/07/2018 22:41
  1. Other parent - Lone parent.
  2. Grandparents - No contact with my mum and dad is disabled.
  3. Neighbours: Dont know them.
  4. Babysitter - Personally I wouldnt leave my children witn a stranger. Not that I could afford to anyway.

No friends. I do also believe parents only means no kids. Will have to call tomorrow about it but as I said its Dc and a baby aswell to take.

OP posts:
Original poster
InTheLightOfTheMoon · 08/07/2018 22:45

Maybe you can find some friends in your DCs class parents. Primary school is quite good for this sort of thing as you see parents at pick up and drop off and you generally get to know the parents of your DCs friends.

I have two older children at the school who are in Year 1 and 2 and I am yet to make any friends at all at the school. literally no ones speaks to me. I admit im a painfully shy person (hence why I dont make friends easily) so havent approach anyone but likewise no one has ever started chatting to me either.

OP posts:
missymayhemsmum · 08/07/2018 22:47

Do you know any other families who will be going to the meeting? Can you arrange to mind each other's kids in the playground while parents go in to see the teacher? Or is it a meeting for all parents together? You need to find a babysitter, if not for this occasions then other occasions. Start asking around for reliable teenagers.

MoreProsecco · 08/07/2018 22:52

And if you're working you often don't do drop-off's and pickups, so it can be hard to build up a network. And the other parents you might see at breakfast/after-school club are all working & using childcare too.

I personally don't think schools have any concept of modern life, with both parents working/commuting & living far away from extended family, often with inflexible jobs where you can't finish early/take time off at short notice.

MoreProsecco · 08/07/2018 22:55

Plus it's a school meeting, not a job interview, an MRI scan etc where it really wouldn't be appropriate to take a child. FFS.

Anditstartsagain · 08/07/2018 22:56

Our school says parents only a lot it was due to people turning up with mum dad 3 kids and granny for parents meetings.

Ds1's first day some kids had half the family one boy had mum step dad then dad and step mum both sets of grandparents and 3 younger siblings over the 2 parents it was mental.

arethereanyleftatall · 08/07/2018 23:03

Op, I wouldn't worry too much if you've already had two children recently in the school. You already know the score. So either cancel, or take dc and don't worry about it either way.