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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a normal sleepover?

315 replies

upsideup · 01/07/2018 17:54

DD2 (11) had a sleepover with 3 friends last night, I pretty much just let them get on with it and do what they liked. I've had a furious text of 1 girls mother now though asking me what the hell I was doing and how could I be so irresponsible and saying there is no chance of her dd being allowed round here again. I think the girl was having fun, dd says she was so I don't know if her mum is mad she went home and said it was awful no one looked after us or it was great we could do whatever we wanted.

I think the main things I apparently did wrong were
-I didn't give them them a proper dinner. I let them sort their own takeaway and it turns out they only ordered loads of sides and deserts so no main meal or vegetables.
-Left them alone in a supermarket. DH drove them there to get snacks, he got petrol and waited it the car while they went in and got what they wanted.
-Let them watch a 12 rated film ( Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), I didn't know it was a 12 but even if I did I would have let them watch it anyway so that's not an excuse.

  • I let her dd have her hair curled. DD1(22) did it as they all asked her to do. I wouldn't have let four 11 year old do it themselves in case one of them got burned. I also think dd1 put face masks on them but the mum didn't mention this in the text.
-They didn't have a proper bed and didn't go to bed until midnight. We had proper beds out in dd's room but it was really hot with all of them in there so they ended up sleeping on living room floor with pillows and blankets. -They went on the trampoline unsupervised, they woke up in the middle of the night and went outside to do this, I didn't know this and probably would have said no if they'd asked but I didn't care when they told me in the morning.

No way would I want this to be dd's daily routine which is why she doesn't have sleepovers every day but AIBU to think this was just a normal 11 year old sleepover and I didn't do anything wrong?
Or would you be mad if your 11 year old came back on told you any of this happened on a sleepover or would have wanted me to check with you first before I allowed any of this?

OP posts:
SureIusedtobetaller · 01/07/2018 17:56

Sounds like a fun sleepover?! Don’t know what the issue is.

DitheringBlidiot · 01/07/2018 17:57

Christ alive, how highly strung is the mother? Sounds normal to me.

ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo · 01/07/2018 17:58

Sounds like a brilliant sleepover! I want to come to the next one! Grin

Not sure what that mums problem is but pity her DD will miss out the next time.

mancmummy1414 · 01/07/2018 17:58

Don’t see the problem with it myself - sounds like they had tons of fun! Can’t understand why the mother has a stick up her arse, you need to reply to clarify which part was so awful!

Lollyice · 01/07/2018 17:58

I would expect this at a sleepover. If your DD ever has another, I'm sure this girl will want to come.

HopeAndJoy16 · 01/07/2018 17:58

Pfft ignore! Sounds like a brilliant sleepover! Surely sleepovers are all about eating junk, staying up late and watching films?! Like you said, it's not like you let your dd do these things all the time, it's a treat!

drivingmisspotty · 01/07/2018 17:59

I’d be fine with that. But I guess you never know what other parents think, so I wouldn’t let them watch a 12 film myself unless I knew other parents were flexible. And the supermarket as well unless I knew they were allowed out on their own, although if an 11 year old is not allowed in a shop with two friends now how will she cope in year 7 in a few weeks?!

Maybe the friend is just massively grumpy now after a broken nights sleep and mum is annoyed.

But yeah, pretty standard sleepover.

SeriousSimon · 01/07/2018 17:59

So has the mum actually said what the problem was? It sounds like more than what you've mentioned.

PutTheBunnyBackInTheBox · 01/07/2018 18:00

How bizarre! Can your DD text her friend and get any more info?

milkysmum · 01/07/2018 18:00

Completely normal sleepover. Girls mother needs to get a grip of herself big style!

AChickenCalledKorma · 01/07/2018 18:02

Sounds fine to me, but I can see how the other parent might have got an exaggerated version involving zero supervision at the shops, unsupervised access to curling equipment and the door being left open all night.

Just ring her up and ask what bothered her.

Racecardriver · 01/07/2018 18:02

Sounds great. I would've thanking you for having my DC and making sure that they had such a lively time.

Iputthescrewinthetuna · 01/07/2018 18:03

Can I come to your house for a sleepover please? It sounds fun!
YANBU! Sounds fab

CatherineTheTiny · 01/07/2018 18:03

Sounds like a normal sleepover, we used to do lots of stuff our parents wouldn't have approved of, such as
-getting ice cream from the freezer around 2 A.M., eating it straight from the tub until either the tub was empty or we felt sick
-Movie marathons until ten minutes before the parents woke up, then we pretended to be asleep
-Opening felt markers and using the ink as hair dye
-Nintendo DS gaming marathons (Mario Party, Mario Kart...)
-Sneaking out for "Night Walks", barefoot... the list goes on. And we all slept in the same room, depending on where the sleepover was we slept on beanbags, the floor, air mattresses... It's just a sleepover

user1488622199 · 01/07/2018 18:03

Sounds like a great sleepover. That poor girl!

hettie · 01/07/2018 18:03

I'd have been a bit Hmm about night time trampolining but then my dc have form for creating A&E visits.... But I definitely would have assumed they'd done it on the sly and had a word with my dc about the risks. Everything else meh..

icelollycraving · 01/07/2018 18:03

I think it sounds pretty fun and normal. Wouldn’t be happy about the night time trampolining if I was your neighbour though!

restingbemusedface · 01/07/2018 18:04

So she thought her DD was going to go to a sleepover and eat vegetables and be in bed by 9?! Has she ever been to a sleepover?

Catchuptv · 01/07/2018 18:06

Why can't the mother actually phone you and say what the problem is - because she's an uptight coward.

Nothing wrong with what happened at the sleepover and as for going into the supermarket alone - I don't see the problem with that.

I used to have to go to the shops in the dark to get my mum her ciggies and I was only about 8 or 9 in those days.

sailorcherries · 01/07/2018 18:07

I have the takeaway ordering habits of an 11 year old it seems, haha!

Seems like a fairly standard sleepover to me. The only issue I might have is the trampolining (in case they annoyed/woke up neighbours) but if you never knew until the morning what can be done?

lapenguin · 01/07/2018 18:07

I don't get her problem... Who has veggies at a sleepover? And a little bit of independence isn't a bad thing...

LadyFilthPacquet · 01/07/2018 18:08

How bizarre. Sounds like a completely standard 11 yo sleepover to me. Mine all had similar at that age, but would have used the curling equipment unsupervised (no way any of the older brothers would have helped Grin). Either the other mother has completely managed to get the wrong end of the stick (could her DD have said they were roaming round the streets at 3 AM, or some such?! I know they can exaggerate enormously), or she is simply bonkers. In fact, if her DD has spun her a yarn and she has believed it, she's also bonkers. Which I suppose means she's just bonkers.

RainbowGlitterFairy · 01/07/2018 18:09

Does she know how old DD1 is? The only part I might have an issue with is the hair curling, I'd been fine knowing an adult had done it but if my DD was talking about an 11 year olds friends big sister I might assume they were a teenager.

Original poster
upsideup · 01/07/2018 18:09

Phew!
I havent replied as I have no idea what to say.

OP posts:
itswinetime · 01/07/2018 18:09

If I'm being totally honest I probably would have been a bit Hmm at 11 year olds being able to wake up go outside and play on a trampoline at midnight with no one noticing. It's not the supervision for me but the thought they could have done/gone anywhere that would have made me a bit worried. Not ranting mad but uncomfortable. The rest is normal sleep over I think. Its possible that if the friend is used to lots of rules and structure she wasn't comfortable it's also possible the mum is OTT. I guess unless you know the parents well it's probably safest to check re films and being unsupervised at the shops ect but the food and hair I can't see the need.