to think this is a normal sleepover?

[upsideup]

DD2 (11) had a sleepover with 3 friends last night, I pretty much just let them get on with it and do what they liked. I've had a furious text of 1 girls mother now though asking me what the hell I was doing and how could I be so irresponsible and saying there is no chance of her dd being allowed round here again. I think the girl was having fun, dd says she was so I don't know if her mum is mad she went home and said it was awful no one looked after us or it was great we could do whatever we wanted.

I think the main things I apparently did wrong were
-I didn't give them them a proper dinner. I let them sort their own takeaway and it turns out they only ordered loads of sides and deserts so no main meal or vegetables.
-Left them alone in a supermarket. DH drove them there to get snacks, he got petrol and waited it the car while they went in and got what they wanted.
-Let them watch a 12 rated film ( Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), I didn't know it was a 12 but even if I did I would have let them watch it anyway so that's not an excuse.

• I let her dd have her hair curled. DD1(22) did it as they all asked her to do. I wouldn't have let four 11 year old do it themselves in case one of them got burned. I also think dd1 put face masks on them but the mum didn't mention this in the text.

-They didn't have a proper bed and didn't go to bed until midnight. We had proper beds out in dd's room but it was really hot with all of them in there so they ended up sleeping on living room floor with pillows and blankets. -They went on the trampoline unsupervised, they woke up in the middle of the night and went outside to do this, I didn't know this and probably would have said no if they'd asked but I didn't care when they told me in the morning.

No way would I want this to be dd's daily routine which is why she doesn't have sleepovers every day but AIBU to think this was just a normal 11 year old sleepover and I didn't do anything wrong?
Or would you be mad if your 11 year old came back on told you any of this happened on a sleepover or would have wanted me to check with you first before I allowed any of this?

Sounds like a fun night!

I used to have loads of sleepovers at that age, we would order pizzas, watch films we were too young for, tell scary stories and do each other’s make up and that was over 20 years ago!

Well I wouldn’t have asked about a 12a film for 11yr olds nor would it have occurred to me that they wouldn’t be allowed in the shop together while I waited outside. Tea would’ve been fine to have a nice treat. Hair curling as a one off not a problem. The trampolining wasn’t allowed but really she should be speaking to her dd about that.
I’d just reply and say that you obviously parent very differently and you will ensure her dd isn’t invited to future sleepovers.

Sounds like a great sleepover, but slightly slack supervision. Sorry, but if you are responsible for 3 extra 11 year olds you keep a discreet eye on what they are up to and don't go to bed until they do.

Absolutely no problem, sounds just like the sleepovers mine had.... including the night trampolining

Feel sorry for the friend. My parents were really similar to the friends mum and by the age of 11 I had totally learnt the art of lying about what actually happened at sleepovers etc

Well I wouldn't have let them order their own take away but other than that, no huge issues.

What's wrong with midnight trampolining?
Do you get darked on ?

Nicely done . For me it's not the time of night they went on the trampoline. It's the idea of three 11yr olds being able to sneak out of the house without anyone knowing. Obviously everyone is fine and if the op had known I would have shrugged it off as a rather you than me thing. I wouldn't go mental but I would be having words with my child about why that was a very silly thing to do.

We didn't hear until a year after that ds (11 at the time) and 4 friends snuck out of a sleepover at 3am to go to the local 24hr tesco for snacks 😯. The friends parents knew nothing about it either.

The trampoline stunt wasnt ideal but it's the kids that did that not you! Was she expectjng you and your dh to be on sentry duty all night for 11 year olds that should know better?

The rest she is being totally unreasonable.

You sound like a fun mum. The other mum sounds really anxious. Unfortunately she will probably find that her daughter with start doing some serious editing when she says what she’s been up to, which can impact on her safety.

The film is a 12a, so as long as you are in the house, then fine.
Side dishes aren’t intrinsically unhealthy, and hair curling? She must have really severe anxiety to be bothered by that.
I suppose you could ask your dd to stay inside overnight if your garden is not secure, or she could disturb people, but it will probably never cause any problems.

I wouldn't have been too impressed by a 12 film without checking, but one of mine is well over that and can still be traumatised by a Pg. My other two aren't phased by anything though.

The midnight trampolining, wouldn't have worried me for doing it, but the idea they could get out and do a fairly noisy activity without you noticing would worry me. What if next time they decide to go off somewhere.

In your position though I think I'd apologise for not checking about the film first, and check what exactly has been said, which may sound much more slack than it actually was.

@lololove we should share tho right? Like, you bring the sweets I'll bring popcorn & drinks?

@lololove also, you bring the curlers I'll provide the straighteners 👍👍

Hmm - I'm about halfway... I have no problem with the hair or the beds or staying up late.
I don't mind the junk food but would have expected a bit more supervision over ordering and buying (mostly because my DD would have eaten til she was sick which nobody wants to deal with)
Trampoline not great - as you have acknowledged.
I wouldn't be happy with the film though - people have very different views on what their children watch - we are very strict so would have appreciated a quick text just to ask. Reason being is that DD hates scary films but wouldn't have been brave enough to say no in front of friends or friends parents.

I may have rolled my eyes at it all but no way would I have contacted you to let you know that!

@isthisusernameavailable done and done! diet coke cherry pleeeeease!

[I genuinley can't see what the woman has to worry about to the point where she has to text you to say it!]

Oh that sleepover sounds amazing! I want to be 11 again! 😂
Apart from the trampoline bit which you said you would've said no if you had been asked then I don't see a problem with anything there!

This thread has just brought back all of my sleepover memories from that age! Aww thanks OP (misses point of thread)

Must admit i’d be very cross that they managed to get out of the house in the early hours unnoticed. All the other stuff is fine and what I would expect from a sleepover, but my child wouldn’t be staying at yours again for a while.

As the mother of girls similar ages, I'd say this is absolutely standard sleepover behaviour.
Duvets in the living room, midnight trampolining, junk food + makeovers.... I'd be disappointed if these didn't all happen at a sleepover!!!
Last sleepover my youngest daughter had, they were still awake at 6am {in the living room} and had watched all 3 Pitch Perfect movies while I was sleeping!
Maybe though, the way the wee girl has described the evening to her Mum hasn't quite come across the right way?
If it's a good friend of your daughters and they are likely to want to do other things together in the future, I would maybe give the Mum a call and try and sort things out.
Just for the sake of the girls!
(But really I think she sounds like someone I'd rather not have to speak to ever again!)

I feel sorry for her daughter.

This was a typical sleepover when I was a kid. In fact, we usually ended up watching more inappropriate films than a 12! I remember watching Scream when we were about 13 and my friend's dad waiting till a really scary bit and popping up at the window outside. Cue screams. Also Arachnophobia, but I kept my eyes shut for the whole thing :-D And ofc there were no proper beds - we would all be in the living room on a bunch of mattresses and with sleeping bags and with snacks galore.

I wouldn't care about the supermarket or what they ate or them sleeping on the floor.
But I'd be pissed at an age-inappropriate film and them being able to get out of the house and play on a trampoline without you noticing.

No proper beds . Anyway... apart from the trampoline it sounds fine to me.

Call her?

Also presumably the trampoline is in your garden and not in some scrapyard filled with discarded you have to cross a shark-infested moat to get to. I wouldn't condone it as a parent, but it's not like they've left the property. Our garden is enclosed by a six-foot fence and a locked gate.

Sounds great to me OP. I can understand her being annoyed about the sneaking out but how can that be your fault? I did the exact same thing at a sleepover when I was 11. Waited for friends parents to fall asleep and we snuck out to the trampoline. I'd say it's normal behaviour. That's as exciting as it got!

All of that would be fine with me. She needs to get a grip.

Blimey. I wouldn't even worry unduly about the midnight trampolining, so long as they didn't make a noise (which is my main requirement about sleepovers - I would be very cross about anything that disturbed either me or the neighbours). If they had left the garden, I'd be reading them the riot act (though when I was about nine, I slept - or didn't in fact sleep much - in a tent in a schoolfriend's garden, and we chased a cat half way down the road for some bizarre reason. This was the 70s, though. I think I stapled my own thumb at the same sleepover. Benign neglect and so on). One of my DC broke her arm when she fell over the guinea pigs' cage. Are guinea pig cages going to be banned from sleepovers?

Think you have hit the proverbial nail on the head @YouOKHun

I'd say you were pretty slack OP and I wouldn't let my DC sleep at yours again but I wouldn't bother with the text.

ignore ignore ignore.no use getting worried over things like this.
sounds like a amazing sleepover.just like they should be.