to think this is a normal sleepover?

[upsideup]

DD2 (11) had a sleepover with 3 friends last night, I pretty much just let them get on with it and do what they liked. I've had a furious text of 1 girls mother now though asking me what the hell I was doing and how could I be so irresponsible and saying there is no chance of her dd being allowed round here again. I think the girl was having fun, dd says she was so I don't know if her mum is mad she went home and said it was awful no one looked after us or it was great we could do whatever we wanted.

I think the main things I apparently did wrong were
-I didn't give them them a proper dinner. I let them sort their own takeaway and it turns out they only ordered loads of sides and deserts so no main meal or vegetables.
-Left them alone in a supermarket. DH drove them there to get snacks, he got petrol and waited it the car while they went in and got what they wanted.
-Let them watch a 12 rated film ( Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), I didn't know it was a 12 but even if I did I would have let them watch it anyway so that's not an excuse.

• I let her dd have her hair curled. DD1(22) did it as they all asked her to do. I wouldn't have let four 11 year old do it themselves in case one of them got burned. I also think dd1 put face masks on them but the mum didn't mention this in the text.

-They didn't have a proper bed and didn't go to bed until midnight. We had proper beds out in dd's room but it was really hot with all of them in there so they ended up sleeping on living room floor with pillows and blankets. -They went on the trampoline unsupervised, they woke up in the middle of the night and went outside to do this, I didn't know this and probably would have said no if they'd asked but I didn't care when they told me in the morning.

No way would I want this to be dd's daily routine which is why she doesn't have sleepovers every day but AIBU to think this was just a normal 11 year old sleepover and I didn't do anything wrong?
Or would you be mad if your 11 year old came back on told you any of this happened on a sleepover or would have wanted me to check with you first before I allowed any of this?

A sleepover wouldn't be much fun with mum supervising all night.

I am a secondary teacher in charge of pastoral support and I have a deep loathing for sleep overs. Fall outs, bitching, online nonsense which then brings t all into School for weeks on end. Parents falling out over it and dramatic hand overs of left over stuff which we have to facilitate.

Genuinely, your sleepover sounds like lovely, innocent fun. So they went out in the garden? Really, that’s no biggy. Had they shimmied down the drainpipes to go off drinking I could have understood

I am not sure other Mum is up for having her daughter ‘parented’ by other people. Not everyone is and that’s fine but seeing as it sounds such good fun I feel sorry for the wee girl

WTF - no of course I wouldn’t stay up with them all night but, at that age, I would expect at least some element of “sleep” in the sleepover. By all means eat loads of junk and the 12 movie wouldn’t bother me in the least. But you can’t be asleep with 11 year-olds careering round the garden at 3am . It’s anti-social and disrespectful. When I have sleepovers I expect them to be settled by 1am it 2am at that age. I have other children and it’s not fair. Also it’s not fair to hand them back to the parents if they literally haven’t slept all night because it ruins that family’s day the following day and they have to deal with the whinging and grumpiness. It carries over into school in Monday as well. My child is 10. She goes in loads if sleepovers but would never be on a trampoline at 3am and if they did this at my house, I would tell them off. It’s basic consideration and it’s our home, not a free-for-all.

Sounds fine to me. Does the girl have health problems or something that might mean you've done something wrong? I was having heart palpitations reading a change in the sleep schedule, improper dinner, unsupervised trampolining - because my DD1 is epileptic and all of those things would spell trouble for her - before I realised that it's perfectly fine for most girls! Is it possible that the mum meant to mention that her DD can't do certain things but forgot?

But seriously, it just sounds like she's very uptight. The only part I would have been bothered about is them watching Miss Peregrine's before reading the books

Sounds great although your neighbour might have not appreciated the night trampoline

Poor kid god help her teen years.

Sounds like the perfrct sleepover. What was the mother expecting for you to spoon feed them and read them a bedtime story before tucking them into bed.

If I was you I would ask her what exactly is she referring to.

Only issue I ever had with a sleepover was when DD10's friend's dad dropped them off at mine the morning after (they were supposed to walk) by putting them in the back of his large builder's van full of tools and such. Without seats (and therefore of course, no seatbelts)

Did I call or text berating him for offering the kids a lift? No. I bollocked her for being daft enough to say yes and told her never to do it again and either phone me for a lift or walk like she was supposed to.

I highly doubt OP's daughter would have normally gone outside in the middle of the night if she hadn't have been with her friends there who, in my own experience, would have been the ones suggesting it.

It's pretty naive to expect much out of a teen after a sleepover. I would spend half of the next day sleeping.

@Peanutbuttercups21 no clearly you can't parent other people children.....that's evident from your post of broken and damaged stuff!

I expect your angel was tucked up in bed fast sleep while you were awake and unsuccessfully parenting the others.

No I'm glad you don't have sleepovers, you are extremely bad at it!!

Clubcuts

Wow, you are getting quite invested in this and clearly love taking someone down , why me?

Nowhere did I hint or say my kid was an angel. He is not

I shall now go and cry all night over being called "extremely bad at sleepovers"

@Pa1oma I completely agree!

@Peanutbuttercups21 I'm not the only one am I? You sound very sanctimonious. Unattractive and irritating trait.

The sounds awfully feral comment! And the that's why the cool parents have kids that have no rules....but your own is the same? Odd!

At least you admit to being upright!

I am currently lying down, but yes mostly upright 😘

@Peanutbuttercups21
Good swipe.... ignore the rest of the post though!

@Peanutbuttercups21

I have never had nor has any of my friends allowed our kids to have sleepovers and things got broken or torn. That speaks volumes about your parenting skills for your own kids never mind anyone else's. So what if the kids messed about outside. It's not an every night event. You clearly got something wrong. This situation perfectly normal