to think this is a normal sleepover?

[upsideup]

DD2 (11) had a sleepover with 3 friends last night, I pretty much just let them get on with it and do what they liked. I've had a furious text of 1 girls mother now though asking me what the hell I was doing and how could I be so irresponsible and saying there is no chance of her dd being allowed round here again. I think the girl was having fun, dd says she was so I don't know if her mum is mad she went home and said it was awful no one looked after us or it was great we could do whatever we wanted.

I think the main things I apparently did wrong were
-I didn't give them them a proper dinner. I let them sort their own takeaway and it turns out they only ordered loads of sides and deserts so no main meal or vegetables.
-Left them alone in a supermarket. DH drove them there to get snacks, he got petrol and waited it the car while they went in and got what they wanted.
-Let them watch a 12 rated film ( Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), I didn't know it was a 12 but even if I did I would have let them watch it anyway so that's not an excuse.

• I let her dd have her hair curled. DD1(22) did it as they all asked her to do. I wouldn't have let four 11 year old do it themselves in case one of them got burned. I also think dd1 put face masks on them but the mum didn't mention this in the text.

-They didn't have a proper bed and didn't go to bed until midnight. We had proper beds out in dd's room but it was really hot with all of them in there so they ended up sleeping on living room floor with pillows and blankets. -They went on the trampoline unsupervised, they woke up in the middle of the night and went outside to do this, I didn't know this and probably would have said no if they'd asked but I didn't care when they told me in the morning.

No way would I want this to be dd's daily routine which is why she doesn't have sleepovers every day but AIBU to think this was just a normal 11 year old sleepover and I didn't do anything wrong?
Or would you be mad if your 11 year old came back on told you any of this happened on a sleepover or would have wanted me to check with you first before I allowed any of this?

Sounds great fun for them. How nice for kids to have a bit of freedom to do their own thing

I had to walk out of that film at the cinema with my 10 year old, as he found it disturbing, but he would have had no problem telling friends it was creepy and finding a book to read in another room or joining a younger sibling or similar.

its the type of mothers who find fault with this mother who has done an extremely nice thing for her child and friends whose kids will be the ones who go wild once they are given more independence. Ive seen it time and time again, where there are over protective parents whose children will try everything once they get older and are usually the ones who cant get away quick enough. Its all a form of control that is way out of perspective and its the controlling mothers whose kids will turn out to have the most problems.

Totally normal, the mother's a loon and heading for a whole load of trouble in the teenage years

Excellent sleepover standard set OP I miss sleepovers now!

Are you going to respond Upside? Personally, I would generally check with other parents re ages on a film, because I didn't want to be woken by someone else's kid who'd had a nightmare and needed comforting [as in, I used to do this when my DD was younger]. Nowadays, I mostly don't know the parents so couldn't check with them even if I wanted to.

That mum is in for a massive shock come September when her DD starts secondary.

It sounds like a fun and safe adventure sleepover to me.

11 years old, a year or two they'll be in high school and turning into young women, all sorts coming their way! Are the supposed to be newborn baby until one day adult?

Could you reply and say "I'm sorry, I'm confused. All the girls were happy, safe and taken care of at all times. It was not our typical school night routine of course, we were hoping to offer the girls a weekend sleepover. Is there something in particular that bothered you? I of course want the girls to be able to enjoy their lovely friendships. "

They go low, you go high!

Plus that way we find out what the problem is:)

Sounds like an epic sleepover!

Sounds like they had loads of fun. The other mum sounds a bit too highly strung.

It's not a normal sleepover at all. If you are 11, that is a fucking amazing sleepover.

She objected to curled hair? What in the name of god is wrong with curled hair?

Omg a sleepover with a veggie heavy meal and bed at 9pm would’ve been the worst ever! That Mum must be so sheltered..

What's wrong with midnight trampolining?
Do you get darked on ?
That will be the thing they'll be chatting about in months to come.
Fab sleepover !

I think it sounds great and I bet all the girls had a brilliant time.

You should intro the mum to my neighbour who lets her 2 and 4 year olds on their 8ft trampoline (which has no net) unsupervised - admittedly at 8am rather than midnight but I think the risk to them is higher than to your DD and her friends.

Sounds like a great sleepover!

But you are trying to second guess her issue and you could be way off. I’d politely ask her to elaborate what the problem is because she’s frightened you and you need to know.

For example are you sure they only went on the trampoline and then came back inside? Could they have gone for a wander?

Was there any alcohol you weren’t aware of?

Did any of them get too scared by the movie but felt forced to sit through it?

Did they get lost or into any awkward situations in the supermarket?

I’m not saying any of this happened at all and she is probably a loon. But kids tend to embellish their recall of these events remember and it’s very easy for nothing to turn into something.

Best of luck, bloody minefield.

I would probably respond saying
“I’m sorry Finella sorry didn’t enjoy the evening. We relax the food and bedtime rules as most parents do on a sleepover. The girls had strict instructions to stay together in the supermarket. Little upside had her phone and and Mr upside was watching out for the girls at the exit. As for the beds, the girls chose not to sleep in the bedroom with all the mattresses on the floor as it was too hot. I didn’t realise this would be a issue. Does Finella perhaps have a problem with back? We would have been more than happy to move the mattresses for her had she said. As for the trampolining, we weren’t pleased the girls went out in the middle of the night. Unfortunately we only found out the next day and we have spoken to little upside about this. Being only 11 girls do sometimes make mistakes. Regards upside.”

Stupid woman. The only thing I’d have an issue with is the trampolining. Lots of girls on together and possibly no net isn’t the best thing. I’d want to have been awake not to watch but supervise in case anything happened.

As for why the mother is so protective. Dds friends parents are like this. Turns out her mother nearly died and she was born with an emergency c section and on life support for over a month. I’m not saying this is the case, but I do find parents are overly protective for a reason.

No it wasn’t nice to receive the text. But perhaps you’ve brought up a lot of fear in the mother so do try to be kind.

The 12 film was wrong, you should have checked also going outside on the trampoline at night.
Everything also was ok but quite lazy on your part.

At that age, if I knew I was going to a sleepover with my mates, a takeaway, a cool young adult styling my hair, midnight trampolining and being grown up and buying snacks on 'our own' (responsible adult sensibly waiting outside) I think I could have been excited for at least three months prior. Maybe she's just annoyed you let her daughter have a glimpse of silly fun and she's not used to it?

Just realised I left a load of other complaints out. But anyway, that’s what I’d do.

all the best bits of takeaway, free reign on sweets/drinks, trampoline and someone else to do your hair... Can I come next time?! I'm only 33 physically, not in my head

mydcaremarvel

Lazy? Wtf do you expect from.a sleepover? Should op have cooked a 5 course Michelin star meal and hired an entertainer?

Also they are 11. How is a 12 film an issue?

I remember watching 15's AT SCHOOL when I was 11/12

Is the DD of the angry mother her oldest child? I’ve found with sleepovers etc that there is a mismatch (often but not always) between the freedoms given to an 11 year old where the parents have already been through it and have older DCs and the 11 year old who is the oldest and the parents have yet to let them go off and catch a bus/go into a shop/see films not oriented to younger children. I know I was more relaxed with subsequent children myself!

@MyDcAreMarvel OP wasn't aware the girls went out to use the trampoline until the next morning and she said she's already spoken to her DD about it.

OP @upsideup I hope you're not too worried about this text. But you were being VERY unreasonable....... for not inviting me!!!!!!!! Me & @lololove are attending your next one - just to let you know 😂😂😂

Hahaha!! Me and @isthisusernameavailable will even bring the sweets! ;)