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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is a normal sleepover?

315 replies

upsideup · 01/07/2018 17:54

DD2 (11) had a sleepover with 3 friends last night, I pretty much just let them get on with it and do what they liked. I've had a furious text of 1 girls mother now though asking me what the hell I was doing and how could I be so irresponsible and saying there is no chance of her dd being allowed round here again. I think the girl was having fun, dd says she was so I don't know if her mum is mad she went home and said it was awful no one looked after us or it was great we could do whatever we wanted.

I think the main things I apparently did wrong were
-I didn't give them them a proper dinner. I let them sort their own takeaway and it turns out they only ordered loads of sides and deserts so no main meal or vegetables.
-Left them alone in a supermarket. DH drove them there to get snacks, he got petrol and waited it the car while they went in and got what they wanted.
-Let them watch a 12 rated film ( Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), I didn't know it was a 12 but even if I did I would have let them watch it anyway so that's not an excuse.

  • I let her dd have her hair curled. DD1(22) did it as they all asked her to do. I wouldn't have let four 11 year old do it themselves in case one of them got burned. I also think dd1 put face masks on them but the mum didn't mention this in the text.
-They didn't have a proper bed and didn't go to bed until midnight. We had proper beds out in dd's room but it was really hot with all of them in there so they ended up sleeping on living room floor with pillows and blankets. -They went on the trampoline unsupervised, they woke up in the middle of the night and went outside to do this, I didn't know this and probably would have said no if they'd asked but I didn't care when they told me in the morning.

No way would I want this to be dd's daily routine which is why she doesn't have sleepovers every day but AIBU to think this was just a normal 11 year old sleepover and I didn't do anything wrong?
Or would you be mad if your 11 year old came back on told you any of this happened on a sleepover or would have wanted me to check with you first before I allowed any of this?

OP posts:
AnnUnderTheFryingPan · 01/07/2018 18:25

There’s always one...

i’ve had to insist a child is removed from the sleepover and given a bed away from the Fun because of the mother’s insistence that he can’t cope the next day. We’re taking 14 years old. Say no or pick him up at ‘bedtime’.

Twat.

Leave her to stew. You have different ideas of what sleepovers are (but, for the record, yours are correct).

BarbarianMum · 01/07/2018 18:26

Actually leaving the house in the middle of the night without tling anyone isnt normal sleepover stuff for 11 year olds. Ds had a sleepover last night and he'd have got a right bollocking for pulling a stunt like that.

Fromage · 01/07/2018 18:26

Is this the pfb of bonkers mum? I think it sounds like a great sleepover.

I hope no one brushed their teeth either. Grin

lol at overnightangel

Windydayz · 01/07/2018 18:27

Is this for real.... I'll wait for the other mum to post an AIBU about her DD going to a shocker of a sleepover. Sounds like a fun sleepover. The other mum needs to lighten up.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 01/07/2018 18:28

That film is a 12A rating not a 12 so as long as you were in the house with them what's the issue?

That mother needs to unclench her arse.

zzzzz · 01/07/2018 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OrdinaryGirl · 01/07/2018 18:28

Sounds AMAZING!

I would go for the grown-up approach and go back and say 'Can we chat?'

Anything more that you text will just risk escalating/ inflaming things and your DD won't appreciate it. Take it from a trained mediator that raising something informally in person in the first instance ALWAYS gets a better result than bursting into print via a stroppy email or text like she has 🙂

BrieAndChilli · 01/07/2018 18:28

Nearly 12 years olds watch a PG12 film Shock
11 years old eat junk and sweets at a sleepover Shock
11 year olds mess around with thier hair (was crimping in my day) Grin
11 year olds go around a shop by them selves didn’t even walk thier alone Confused
11 years olds choose to sleep on the floor instead of the beds provided Hmm

Nothing there to get worked up about.
The trampoline thing would worry me (not that they went outside in the night unknown as any kid could do that anytime, unless you pick thier bedroom door from the outside), just that lots of hyper kids on a trampoline makes it more likely of an injury, but there wasn’t but I would make sure DD knew not to do that again.

Thespringsthething · 01/07/2018 18:28

You know what, I wouldn't be happy about my 11 year olds roaming around in the middle of the night, having said that, my dd went to a 'sleepover' recently where they didn't sleep til 5am and did a lot of running around outside, no idea where the parents were.

I think 90% of this is fine, mine go to the supermarket with friends after school in first year secondary.

Is your dd one of the older ones? If this were mainly 10 year olds, then I see it might be a bit too much too soon for some, nearer 12 is better.

That Miss Peregrine's film is SCARY.

Lindy2 · 01/07/2018 18:29

Sounds great fun.
Don't bother replying to her text. You don't need to defend or justify yourself as you've done nothing wrong. It will just end up in a text argument as I don't think you'll fibd a middle ground.
I'd rather come to one of your parties than her's though.😂

billybagpuss · 01/07/2018 18:29

Oh dear, How is she going to cope with the expectation of alcohol in 4/5 years time. (Or the excessive alcohol where they throw up in the bedroom bin, not my house thank god)

I really like Prizeoiks response send that.

LockedOutOfMN · 01/07/2018 18:29

The other mother has been incredibly rude. The only activity which could have harmed her daughter is the midnight trampolining which you did not authorise and her daughter at 11 years old is utterly capable of saying she doesn't want to be part of.

Don't invite this child again.

Your sleepover sounds fun and age appropriate.

WilburIsSomePig · 01/07/2018 18:29

How bizarre! Can your DD text her friend and get any more info?

No don't do this, don't involve the DDs.

TheFirstMrsOsmond · 01/07/2018 18:29

As long as my DD had returned home with all her limbs attached and had enjoyed herself, I'd be happy

ParentInCharge · 01/07/2018 18:30

I have an 11 yo DD and we regularly host sleepovers, probably one or two a month. It's very similar to what happened at yours (okay, minus the middle of the night trampolining)
The girls (usually it's between 2 and 6 people staying over) take themselves off to the shops, usually with their own money or sometimes we'll give them a few quid. Unless I'm making something specific for dinner it's junk food. The only time I get involved is when it's getting too late - midnight or so - and they won't settle down to sleep. I also remember be phones and devices from the bedroom. I learned that lesson years ago when it was 2am and they were squealing texting friends and messing about on the internet/snapchat/messenger.

ferrier · 01/07/2018 18:30

Sounds like fun.
I wouldn't have been happy about the trampolining but the dc did that without your permission and in the middle of the night so it would be difficult to hold you accountable for that.
Everything else, no problem at all.

drivingmisspotty · 01/07/2018 18:31

Just wondering what other parents do to prevent their kids actually leaving the house during a sleepover?

If we had a large group over they would be sleeping in the living room. DH and I would be upstairs at some point. I would lock door but keys would be accessible in case of fire or emergency. My DD is trustworthy and well behaved but what if they had a group moment of madness? I would be mortified and telling them off in the morning if I found out they went out the front but I am not sure I would have acted unreasonably by not keeping a watching vigil outside their door.

Original poster
upsideup · 01/07/2018 18:31

Maybe I should have asked about the film ,my younger kids have watched it and we thought it was fine but I know that isnt my call.

OP posts:
Flyme21 · 01/07/2018 18:31

Honestly I wouldn't discuss with her because she's not going to change her mind. Something like -
Dear xx I think the level of supervision was appropriate for their age, they certainly weren't allowed to run riot in public. They were naughty unlocking the door and going out for a moonlit trampoline, but at their age not really unsafe. Beds were provided but because of the heat they chose to sleep where it was cooler. I can't guarantee that I'll make children eat a proper dinner when they are having a fun sleepover, or that they won't make temporary changes to their hairstyles under supervision. So sadly your decision that x can't come again is probably the right one.

udnertheradar · 01/07/2018 18:32

prizeOik - great text!

GiantPenisOfDoom · 01/07/2018 18:33

Is there a difference between sides and nromal food other than size? Confused

Are sides naturally worse? I don't get that.

Hair, I would object if she was 5, but 11? It's her hair.

The only thing I'd be unhappy about is the trampolining and I'd be giving dd the bollocking for that, not you.

Clairetree1 · 01/07/2018 18:34

I think leaving the house in the night is unacceptable, and trampolining unsupervised is very dangerous. I would be horrified at this

ProseccoPoppy · 01/07/2018 18:36

I still think that sounds fun and I’m 30 Grin I’d have loved that at 11 (and it’s similar to what we used to do at sleepovers at that sort of age). Really don’t see the issue tbh.

Tumbleweed101 · 01/07/2018 18:36

All fine imo, aside perhaps the trampolining.

If my children go for sleep overs I expect junk to be eaten and them to have no sleep and be tired next day. You factor it in to your following day.

11yo are perfectly capable of going into a shop and buying stuff without an adult and should be encouraged to be independent like that too.

DontTouchTheMoustache · 01/07/2018 18:36

Jesus wept it's not like they were necking vodka and pole dancing. Sounds like a fantastic night for 11year olds

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