to think this is a normal sleepover?

[upsideup]

DD2 (11) had a sleepover with 3 friends last night, I pretty much just let them get on with it and do what they liked. I've had a furious text of 1 girls mother now though asking me what the hell I was doing and how could I be so irresponsible and saying there is no chance of her dd being allowed round here again. I think the girl was having fun, dd says she was so I don't know if her mum is mad she went home and said it was awful no one looked after us or it was great we could do whatever we wanted.

I think the main things I apparently did wrong were
-I didn't give them them a proper dinner. I let them sort their own takeaway and it turns out they only ordered loads of sides and deserts so no main meal or vegetables.
-Left them alone in a supermarket. DH drove them there to get snacks, he got petrol and waited it the car while they went in and got what they wanted.
-Let them watch a 12 rated film ( Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children), I didn't know it was a 12 but even if I did I would have let them watch it anyway so that's not an excuse.

• I let her dd have her hair curled. DD1(22) did it as they all asked her to do. I wouldn't have let four 11 year old do it themselves in case one of them got burned. I also think dd1 put face masks on them but the mum didn't mention this in the text.

-They didn't have a proper bed and didn't go to bed until midnight. We had proper beds out in dd's room but it was really hot with all of them in there so they ended up sleeping on living room floor with pillows and blankets. -They went on the trampoline unsupervised, they woke up in the middle of the night and went outside to do this, I didn't know this and probably would have said no if they'd asked but I didn't care when they told me in the morning.

No way would I want this to be dd's daily routine which is why she doesn't have sleepovers every day but AIBU to think this was just a normal 11 year old sleepover and I didn't do anything wrong?
Or would you be mad if your 11 year old came back on told you any of this happened on a sleepover or would have wanted me to check with you first before I allowed any of this?

My soppy little lad just cried his eyes out at Born Free. It's a U rating.

None of this worries me at all, sounds like a cracking night! And I'm with @Celebelly I'd apologise to you if I found out they'd been creeping about outside and trampolining in the dark!

Sounds awfully feral

But then I am uptight

All these parents wanting to be so cool and "being known for epic sleepovers" means kids accept no rules at all, which makes them anti social (waking up the neighbours, as no thought about others, just themselves), unless you have no neighbours, trampolining at 2am would wake people around you.

I have had some "epic sleepovers" with the DC where kids rampaged through the house, broke two locks and a door (by swinging from it) a duvet was ripped, and the linen cupboard emptied and thrown down the stairs....the freezer left open all night and the kids deciding to "pull an all-nighter"... never again

Reading this thread I understand why kids think this sort of behaviour is ok, it is the "cool" no-rule parents

I would not complain to another parent, mind, I just can't stomach hosting them myself

Sounds like a great sleepover! If she’s shocked at this then she would be mortified at the sleepovers me and my friends had at that age 😳we did all the above with the addition of raiding the alcohol cabinet 🙈

Sounds awfully feral
Curling hair, watching a 12 certificate film, eating side orders. Oh the humanity!

I love this thread

@Peanutbuttercups21 how is it the cool
No rules parents! The behaviour you describe happened at your sleepover where you were doin the parenting! Look to yourself.

@upsideup I find it hard as everyone has different parenting styles. The judging of other mothers always bothers me as we are ALL doing our best!
It’s no easy task hosting a sleepover and very kind of you to offer. I agree with you that it would have been better for her to call you about her concerns rather than a (cowardly) text. As an adult to adult conversation to explain things and clear up anything for next time could’ve been had.
The only people who will miss out are the DDs....and isn’t life for living! They will remember these fun nights for years to come! (As well as any huge embarrassment from their parents).
Safety is key and these are lesssons to be taught.
Did you see the Mum today?

Clubcuts, yes I cannot parent other people's children, but it clearly does not help if they have been taught that anything goes!

Celebelly, hair curling and a 12 movie don't bother me it's the "anything goes" rule that bothers me, as it shows no concern for others (trampolining at night?! Kids rampaging through the house and screaming at 3am ...Nice for the neighbours)

Sounds great, and normal. Beware 13-15yrs - They will fine the wine!

Bloody hell sounds like a normal fun sleep over to me the mother needs to get a grip.

Peanutbuttercups my friends and myself acted like this at sleepovers, despite having strict parents. We'd never normally act that way but there is something about a group mentality and sleepover fever that seems to turn most children feral. That's not shit parenting; that's kids being kids.

I wouldn’t even bother replying if she has that much of an issue with it then she should say it to you directly.
Sound like a perfectly normal sleep over.

What was she expecting - organic crudités and humus!? (i eat that so im not judging)

It's a sleep over - you eat crap, barely get any sleep and generally have a good time!

Personally i would have sorted the take away (but that's because i have a 12 yr old son and he and his mates would order the entire menu!) and probably told them they shouldnt have been out on the trampoline but hell - nothing to freak out over, certainly wouldn't have blasted the host over txt! Think someone needs to chill.

Sounds like a fun sleepover!

I have had many sleepovers where the boys didn't go to sleep until 6/7 am. They all slept in the living room on top of popcorn, pringles and spilled pop. They ran around the house like loonies all night so I couldn't have slept through it if I tried but I let them eat what they wanted and didn't supervise ....just kept an ear out for any real mischief. I think that your daughter wouldn't like to go to her friends house for a sleep over, it would be very dull if they have to eat a boring meal, watch a boring film and go to sleep by 9 ...... with no hair curling.

Sleepovers are meant to be fun for the kids, a little freedom and no they shouldn't have gone on the trampoline in the middle of the night but were they using it or just laying on it messing about? Either way it sounds like they had fun, obviously that particular girl won't be able to come to the next one because her mother has a stick up her arse. The girl will be off to secondary school at the end of the year ... secondary is not a PG environment, it can be scary ....but she will still have to go!

Isn't the whole point of a sleepover that you get to stay up late, eat junk and have fun?

Sounds fine to me!!!!

The only issue I can see is the film - my DD8 is quite sensitive so even some PG films can upset her, but if it happened it happened and I'd deal with it, I wouldn't blame the parent!

At least they weren't screaming around the house in the middle of the night, like the girls at my dd's sleepover at that age.

It sounds fun.

Sounds like great fun apart from midnight trampoline bit, but did the other parent actually list those things? Sounds highly unlikely.

Some people’s attitude to 12A films annoys me. You do not have to be 12 to watch them, Many of the films that I loved and watched as a kid in the 80s would be 12As now (they were PGs back then). In fact, there was often more swearing in the PGs.

You don’t have to be 12 to watch a 12A, but they may be unsuitable for younger children (and will almost certainly be unsuitable for under 8s) so parents/guardians should make an informed decision whether it’s the right film for their particular child. Best practice would always be to ask parents when you’re thinking of showing a film to an “underaged” child, but in the real world it would be a bit pernickety to do that for 11 year olds.

Most of it sounds perfectly normal to me but to be honest I wouldn’t be happy if my 11 year old was on a sleepover and was out in the garden in the early hours when the adults were all asleep. You don’t know whose around at that time of night and trrampolining in the dark doesn’t sound sensible. When you have a child over for a sleepover you are responsible for them. They are someone else’s precious cargo.

“It’s no easy task hosting a sleepover and very kind of you to offer.”

The OP didn’t really “host” though. She went to bed and let them get on with it. She was not even aware they’d been out in the back garden in the early hours. They could have gone into town probably, would she have known?

To be honest it sounds like you couldn’t be bothered to supervise - not in a helicopter way, just see how they’re getting on. To be honest I wouldn’t be thrilled about dessert for dinner but wouldn’t complain about it.

Pa1oma
Sorry but is it normal to supervise and "host" a sleepover all night?! How embarrassing for parents to be sitting up with their 11 year olds til 3am. Do you supervise your own children overnight? Presumably any child capable of unlocking a door (most primary school children surely) could go outside at night, sleepover or not.

The people moaning about the food situation have yet to say what awful damage missing one "proper" dinner can cause their precious darlings.

@Peanutbuttercups21

How is OP supposed to know that the kids got up and sneaked out without staying up all night? Whereas you, on the other hand, apparently did stay up all night and still couldn’t stop two locks being broken and a door being swung on?!

I don’t know about you, but being allowed to have a sleepover with a takeaway, hair curling and a 12 movie meant that i was much more likely to behave at other times because i wanted the treat of it!