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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can I call the police?

182 replies

scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 10:47

Really quick question. My ex is a complete fuckwit.

I have just handed over dc for contact, I stated a time and place for him to drop him off. I had a funny feeling he would not agree to it, so I recorded the handover, where I clearly state the time and place to which he needs to drop off, he agrees several times, then walks off with dc shouting 'see you at the time he wants'...

There is a huge backstory to all of this that I cannot go into for various reasons, but if he does not return her as he agreed to just before I handed over the dc, can I call the police? As you can imagine, his behaviour is completely unhinged and unreasonable, I need as much evidence as I can get. Or am I being ridiculous?

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 01/07/2018 10:49

Does he have parental responsibility?

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 10:50

He is on the birth certificate yes. So I am guessing no then.

OP posts:
bonfireheart · 01/07/2018 10:50

How late is he? Is this a contact agreement made via solicitors? And when you say "unhinged" has he done anything to you or the DC in the past?

Queenofthestress · 01/07/2018 10:50

Parental responsibility is the key here, if he has it and there is no court order about contact then legally he doesn't have to return her at all

Alwayscommuting · 01/07/2018 10:51

My mum had to do this when we were little. She had to wait until we were actually late back. We live in Scotland which I think makes a difference.

Ruffian · 01/07/2018 10:52

Do you think your dd is unsafe?

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 10:53

Holy crap.

He has been violent towards me in the last, is emotionally and financially abusive, has pulled various stunts, again I can't go into them as they are extremely outing...

God I feel sick. He is the most vile and disgusting creature to ever walk the Earth, I am actually scared of him.

OP posts:
Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 10:56

Can I not just call them to log it? Sorry I know the police have better things to do, but as I said, I need all the evidence I can get

OP posts:
gamerchick · 01/07/2018 10:56

He is on the birth certificate or isn't? If he is he has parental responsibility and has just as many rights as you do.

Have you been to court to sort out contact? You really should if you haven't.

gamerchick · 01/07/2018 10:57

You'll have to wait until he's actually late bringing her back. The police won't entertain you otherwise.

Queenofthestress · 01/07/2018 10:58

Have you been to court? Have evidence of his stunts? Police involved before? If you've had any of that then if they're extremely late then you have reason to call them, if they'll go get them however is a different story. Realistically you shouldn't have let them go to contact without a court order if you're concerned he won't return them on time or return them at all because as it stands without one he can refuse to hand them over at all since he has pr

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 11:07

Shit shit shit. What if he doesn't bring her back??? Actually I know for a fact that he will as he can't be arsed to actually look after her properly. He has cancelled so many times, at the very last minute, turned down contact when I've been told I must offer it etc... he doesn't actually give a shit about the baby and just has contact to exert his control...
Will speak to solicitor first thing on Monday morning.
Shit. How the fuck can he get away with this??? How. He is completely controlling my life still when he's not even in it except for having to hand the baby over. I feel physically sick at having to actually see him, have panic attacks etc.

OP posts:
longwayoff · 01/07/2018 11:12

If what you say about him is correct then hell would freeze over before I handed any child over to him. But you have. So solicitor on monday.

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 11:14

Longwayoff as I said it's a horrible and very difficult situation that I cannot go into. So essentially I am forced to hand her over, despite the relevant authorities being aware of how he has treated me. It is physically, emotionally the hardest thing I have to do to hand my baby over to such a monster but I am backed into a corner.

OP posts:
Juells · 01/07/2018 11:20

When he brings her back, if it's not at the agreed time and place, record the conversation you have with him. Be very calm and say just "This isn't what we agreed, why are you messing me and DC around like this?" You need to record his behaviour so you can show a pattern of abuse and fuckery.

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 11:21

Good idea. But it's a couple of hours after the time and place he agreed (as the video shows).

Does this mean I have to go to the place at the time he has stated? Can I not get it logged?

ARGHHHHHHJJJH. I actually HATE my life and I hate him so much for this. Apart from anything it's not fair on the baby.

OP posts:
MommySharkDoDoDoDo · 01/07/2018 11:23

Has he ever or do you genuinely believe he would harm her is the question the police will ask you, if the answer is no (and don’t lie just to get the police involved) then they can’t do anything. There’s no point just ‘logging’ something with the police at all btw, it’s just a waste of everybody’s time, especially when it’s not even a police matter.

Queenofthestress · 01/07/2018 11:23

You need to go to court. You need all contact between you and him about pick up and drop offs to be through text or email, not voice calls. And record it when he drops her off.

InsideOutRainbows · 01/07/2018 11:25

Go to the damn police. They will be best placed to advise you on what can and cannot be done and how best to go forwards.

Missingstreetlife · 01/07/2018 11:25

Supervised contact, solicitor, court order. Poor you.

Badtasteflump · 01/07/2018 11:26

Offering you a virtual hand hold Scooby Flowers. I know how you're feeling and it's horrible.

And yes you definitely need legal advice. But for now, if you're pretty sure deep down that your baby is safe, and he will actually return with DC, try to distract yourself by going out, talking to some friends and keeping busy until then.

Then make an appointment with a solicitor - I don't know your situation but there still is legal aid available in cases of DV (which it sounds like). If he is to have contact it needs to be on watertight terms which he will need to realise he has to stick to - going through solicitors/the courts will make him realise that. You don't have to put up with this. Abusive ex's all too often think they can use the child from the relationship to continue controlling and terrorising their ex partner. Don't let him continue Flowers.

And it goes without saying, if he's late bringing DC back, call the police. Start getting his behaviour logged now.

MommySharkDoDoDoDo · 01/07/2018 11:26

And also just so you’re aware, even if you go and get a court order stipulating when he sees her and he breeches it, you will just have to go back to court and it’s will still not be a police matter then either.

Badtasteflump · 01/07/2018 11:28

And YY to going for supervised contact until he shows he can be trusted at least.

MommySharkDoDoDoDo · 01/07/2018 11:28

Such bad advice on this forum sometimes from people that just don’t have the foggiest idea about anything, give me strength 🙄

poiuytrewqlkjhgfdsa · 01/07/2018 11:33

Yes you can call them if you think your child is in danger and you have every right to do so. X

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