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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can I call the police?

182 replies

scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 10:47

Really quick question. My ex is a complete fuckwit.

I have just handed over dc for contact, I stated a time and place for him to drop him off. I had a funny feeling he would not agree to it, so I recorded the handover, where I clearly state the time and place to which he needs to drop off, he agrees several times, then walks off with dc shouting 'see you at the time he wants'...

There is a huge backstory to all of this that I cannot go into for various reasons, but if he does not return her as he agreed to just before I handed over the dc, can I call the police? As you can imagine, his behaviour is completely unhinged and unreasonable, I need as much evidence as I can get. Or am I being ridiculous?

OP posts:
Metoodear · 01/07/2018 16:27

Op

This happened to somone I know
This is what you have to do wait until they are late about two hours in the mean time make efforts to get the child back email ring then go round

Then call 101 get them to welfare check
Then you need to file an emergency order tomorrow moat 9am Sharp

It could take a few weeks and it’s unlikely you will see lo with in that time

The person I new did this and now has a order in place and the ex now only has Fridays from 4 until Saturday at 12 if lo is not returned the order states the child is to be retrieved by the police and ex arrested for contempt of court

footballmum · 01/07/2018 16:29

Do not shout or react negatively when you see him or he’ll just do it again and again if he knows he can push your buttons. If you say anything, say something cryptic like “just keep doing what you’re doing because you’re making it all so easy for me” and blow him a really sarcastic kiss. It’ll drive him mad and you’ll leave feeling like you’ve regained the upper hand.

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 16:34

She is seven months old. I feel like such a failure for having given her this pathetic vindictive piece of shit for a father.

He keeps texting me saying '5 as you were informed'. It's taking all of my strength not to retaliate and point out that I have him confirming 3 just before I handed her over. I imagine he is already there, clearly bored of her as usual but too pigheaded to give her back, it's what normally happens. She is going to be shattered, upset and a nightmare for me this evening. I can't bear to see her upset because of him.

I can't keep doing this.

OP posts:
slithytove · 01/07/2018 16:35

Does he know where you live?

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 16:35

Emailed my solicitor asking her to call me as a matter of urgency tomorrow.

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 01/07/2018 16:35

Keep notes with dates and times, have a book or email yourself every time he sees her, does something you are concerned about.

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 16:36

He does know where I live, he used to live here. Rent free I might add... scrounging off me. But I guess from what I've told you, you wouldn't have imagined anything less.

OP posts:
raviolidreaming · 01/07/2018 16:36

then walks off with dc shouting 'see you at the time he wants'

Which dc said this, if yours is 7 months?

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 16:37

He said that. Obviously dc cannot talk yet!

OP posts:
raviolidreaming · 01/07/2018 16:37

As in, is there an older one you can text or message?

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 16:37

Although I wish she could... might find out the truth about where she goes and what he actually does with her

OP posts:
raviolidreaming · 01/07/2018 16:38

Ah, okay. Oooft.

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 16:38

Ah no, sorry I see what you mean...

OP posts:
slithytove · 01/07/2018 16:38

I really think you should stop contact

Might he be violent to her?

I’m so sorry btw these are crappy things to ask

Cupoteap · 01/07/2018 16:39

This is the only reason I went to court, putting them in the car and shouting as he drives off he's keeothem for an extra night

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 16:40

No it's fine. As I said, there is a backstory that I wish I could explain. He's been violent to me on more than one occasion in her presence, and these were instances where she could have been harmed.

But I am forced to let him take her (again, I wish I could explain).

OP posts:
Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 16:42

I just want my baby back. I don't even smoke but I've had about five cigarettes today...

OP posts:
OverTheHedgeHammy · 01/07/2018 16:46

If you have to let her go with him again, plant this tracker somewhere on your DD

NotTakenUsername · 01/07/2018 16:46

Op, you have 20minutes to get yourself together.

When you collect her you simply ask if there is any significant information you should know about her afternoon. Give him an opportunity to ‘hand over’ and then leave.

No edge, no drama. Cool calm and collected.

You have video evidence he agreed to 3 and text evidence he then ‘informed’ you it was 5. You don’t need to mention that.

Then as others have said, evidence the state she is in with a written account and photographs.

Then get her cleaned up and feed (record if the eats more than usual) and enjoy your week putting wheels in motion to get this back on an even footing.

Pinkgeorge · 01/07/2018 16:47

I hope you get her home soon xx

Doyoumind · 01/07/2018 16:49

Only 10 more minutes OP.

Just get this to court as soon as you can. You can't continue like this. You can refuse mediation on the grounds of abuse.

I would also see what your solicitor thinks about the merits of stopping contact until court based on this failure to agree contact arrangements in a reasonable manner.

Original poster
scoobydoobydooo · 01/07/2018 16:50

Hopefully he will have written in the contact book. But that's if he feels like it. So I have no knowledge of when she has been fed/changed/napped etc. That is fucking detrimental in itself.

I am going to put headphones in so I don't even have to communicate with him. Will stay calm until she's in bed, then lose my shit. To myself of course, not to him.

About to leave, wish me luck...

OP posts:
PatsyStoneHH · 01/07/2018 16:55

There's a group on fb that I'm a member of. Its called 'domestic violence and child contact uk'. They are really helpful.
I've been where you are now and was also referred to MARAC twice.
I spent 18 months going through family court, first for the prohibited steps order then I went for the child arrangements order. He was eventually awarded indirect contact only as he posed such a risk to our dd's and myself.

FizzyGreenWater · 01/07/2018 16:56

Stay calm, record everything. Can you have your phone on record in your pocket?

Just document everything - her state of return, nappy, hunger, upset.

He's slowly but surely hanging himself.

Oh and definitely smile when you turn up, say it was nice to have a bit more time with your friends and you hope he enjoyed his time with her.

Take the power away.

PumpkinPie2016 · 01/07/2018 16:57

Good luck OP - let us know when you have her back!

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