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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weddings... About my brothers new GF?

200 replies

littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 14:13

So I’m getting married next Saturday (7th) 😬 and my Mum told my brother, without asking me first, that he could invite his new girlfriend to the wedding.
Now technically her coming isn’t a problem, it would be lovely to meet her, it’s the logistics.
She lives 25 miles away from where I live/where the wedding is taking place and she has no form of own transport to get to the wedding without my brother picking her up. This would be fine, however, he is an usher so has quite an important part and needs to be here early.
What’s been suggested to get around this is that he picks her up early and she then comes to mine with her little girl (not his, obviously, that’s not a problem though, different thread for that but he’s commendable!) and sits with us whilst I get ready and then walks to the wedding (it’s not far, 5 mins on foot)

I really don’t want this! I have never met her as they’ve only been together about 6 weeks and I just feel it would be strange having someone I don’t know watch me getting ready for my wedding!! To me this is something intimate and should be shared with only the bridal party.

AIBU about this?!

OP posts:
SoddingUnicorns · 29/06/2018 14:14

I think YANBU however now she’s been invited it’s going to be tough to get out of it without causing a riot.

What do your brother and Mum say about it?

TokyoSushi · 29/06/2018 14:15

YANBU, I'd pay for a taxi to get here there before I had her with me getting ready, I'm a bit soft though!

CurbsideProphet · 29/06/2018 14:15

No I don't think YABU. Can they have a nice breakfast in a local cafe? I would be annoyed with my mum for getting involved and with brother dor not checking, but equally I wouldn't want everyone to fall out.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 29/06/2018 14:15

Is there another guest that can pick her up?

TwitterQueen1 · 29/06/2018 14:16

No, you're not BU at all. No way would I want a stranger and her DD around whilst I was getting ready to be married. I think this is a real imposition. Can't she go to your Mum's?

TakeMeToKernow · 29/06/2018 14:18

Is your mum getting ready with you?

FizzyGreenWater · 29/06/2018 14:18

Looks as if your Mum just opened her mouth without checking (about someone else's wedding, which is shocking even if it is her DD's!) and landed herself with a sizeable taxi fare :)

Fishface77 · 29/06/2018 14:18

Tell your mum to sort it.
Stress that you don’t need.

PuddlesOfBud · 29/06/2018 14:19

No, that's weird. YANBU and your brother will understand if you explain.

Sciurus83 · 29/06/2018 14:20

Oh hell no! That's crazy, your mum should not have done that

QuackingHell · 29/06/2018 14:21

Yanbu. Just say you don’t want a stranger there to witness your pre-wedding jitters or sillyness or crying for joy. You shouldn’t have to justify why you don’t want a stranger and her child in your house while you get ready for the biggest day of your life. I fainted the morning of my wedding (because my wedding dress was too tight not nerves!) and I wouldn’t have wanted anyone other than my mum to see that, in case they misconstrued it as a wobble. Just politely repeat “I’m sorry but that won’t work.” She can sit in a coffee shop if needs be! You’re not being rude, you need privacy! Even my lovely SIL didn’t barge in on me, she got ready and my MIL’s round the corner and came to meet me once we were all ready!

PretABoire · 29/06/2018 14:22

My DP was an usher at a wedding and I just went to the church early with him and stayed out of the way, got some lovely photos of guests arriving!

borlottibeans · 29/06/2018 14:23

I would imagine she must be feeling quite uncomfortable about this arrangement as well - as you say it's a very personal moment and she barely knows you. Could you tell her (via your brother?) it's all going to be a bit chaotic at yours but perhaps she and her daughter might enjoy x nice cafe/park/? near the venue? That would give her an easy out.

swimmerlab · 29/06/2018 14:27

Can't she wait at the venue with your brother?

I think it's a bit off for your Mum to invite her when they've only been together 6 weeks! I

It's great you're so laid back about it but I don't think you're being unreasonable not wanting here there whilst you get ready.

Tomatoesrock · 29/06/2018 14:27

Yanbu. If your mam has arranged this, I would let her meet the GF early. I would hate a stranger there while I was getting ready, it is a very memorable day so I would say no.

Crunched · 29/06/2018 14:27

Your Mother should pay for a taxi. However if not, the woman can order her own taxi. Your DB has committed to his role and I’m sure he will not want to be dashing around anymore than his gf wants to sit in on such a significant occasion with no one she knows whilst entertaining her lo.

Littlecaf · 29/06/2018 14:30

Have you spoken to the gf about it? She might pick up on the fact you don’t want to her there when you’re getting ready and just sort herself out with a taxi etc. I know I would (and so would most normal people!) it might not be that much of a problem?

Original poster
littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 14:31

Aw I’m so pleased you’ve all agreed!! I was starting to feel like some mean bitch!!
I haven’t really spoken to my Mum since this happened at the weekend as I’m to angry.

Taxi isn’t really an option because of the distance it would be around £50/60.

Hmmm she could wait around before the ceremony but he’s going to be getting ready with the groom about 2/3hours before hand so she’d have quite the wait in a cafe or park!!

There’s not a single other guest that lives that way. It’s a 45 minute trip on country roads, each way!

I’m hoping that the sheer logistics of it will just put her off and she’ll say she’s not coming.

OP posts:
Hissy · 29/06/2018 14:31

Mum/Bro
I am NOT comfortable with someone I have not yet met properly watch me get ready/dressed for my wedding.

I suggest she gets a taxi to the venue for XX.XX time and I'll catch up with you/her at some point in the day.

00100001 · 29/06/2018 14:33

Suggest that

  1. She just gets a taxi or
  2. she goes to the church with Brother and waits there
angelnix · 29/06/2018 14:33

Can she just go to the venue early with him? We have some lovely photos that guests who arrived early took, could she do something like that?

MaMaMaMySharona · 29/06/2018 14:33

Isn’t up to her to get herself to your wedding? I’ve never expected anyone (family or otherwise) to supply me with transport.

Justmuddlingalong · 29/06/2018 14:34

Leave it up to your DM to sort. It was her who caused the issue, so she can deal with it. Don't dwell on it, it's not your problem, so relax and enjoy the build up to your big day.

00100001 · 29/06/2018 14:34

"Txi isn’t really an option because of the distance it would be around £50/60. "

Not really your problem, you didn't invite the woman, so how she gets there is of no concern to you. If your Mum wants, she can pay?

Hissy · 29/06/2018 14:34

Taxi isn’t really an option because of the distance it would be around £50/60.

Erm... How much are YOU actually forking out per person all in already, to have an invite issued to your wedding without even so much as an 'alright if we...?'

She gets a taxi to the venue for the start of things and if that is too much, she really doesnt have to attend.

It is, after all, not even an invite not a summons.

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