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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weddings... About my brothers new GF?

200 replies

littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 14:13

So I’m getting married next Saturday (7th) 😬 and my Mum told my brother, without asking me first, that he could invite his new girlfriend to the wedding.
Now technically her coming isn’t a problem, it would be lovely to meet her, it’s the logistics.
She lives 25 miles away from where I live/where the wedding is taking place and she has no form of own transport to get to the wedding without my brother picking her up. This would be fine, however, he is an usher so has quite an important part and needs to be here early.
What’s been suggested to get around this is that he picks her up early and she then comes to mine with her little girl (not his, obviously, that’s not a problem though, different thread for that but he’s commendable!) and sits with us whilst I get ready and then walks to the wedding (it’s not far, 5 mins on foot)

I really don’t want this! I have never met her as they’ve only been together about 6 weeks and I just feel it would be strange having someone I don’t know watch me getting ready for my wedding!! To me this is something intimate and should be shared with only the bridal party.

AIBU about this?!

OP posts:
00100001 · 29/06/2018 14:35

"she could wait around before the ceremony but he’s going to be getting ready with the groom about 2/3hours before hand so she’d have quite the wait in a cafe or park!! "

... solution right there!

KickAssAngel · 29/06/2018 14:35

Talk to your brother & let him know that she & daughter are welcome, so long as 1. He is still around to do everything he needs to do & 2. She/daughter are not in the house as you get ready.

Then leave it up to him & g.friend to work around that.

Have a separate chat with your mum about inviting people to your wedding without asking first!

UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername · 29/06/2018 14:36

Your mum has lost the plot a little, and needs to sort it out herself. You shouldn't have to be babysitting two strangers on the morning of your wedding!

Jaxhog · 29/06/2018 14:37

Noooo! This is your special day, so you don't want a strange woman and child there while you get ready. Since your DM and DB have invited her, it's up to them to sort her out. And if that means taxis etc. then they pay for that. Not you.

Amazingly thoughtless of them to even suggest this.

MagicNumberyThings · 29/06/2018 14:37

Can you say you don't want guests to see your dress before you arrive at church? It used to be considered bad luck where I grew up.
You could claim to be superstitious about it. Bridesmaids and your mother don't count. They are supposed to help you get ready.

Mookatron · 29/06/2018 14:37

It's tricky, because if it lasts she will be a part of your family. But I don't think yabu. Is she happy with the arrangement, because I wouldn't be in her shoes!

What if this became your h to be's problem and she went there instead? There is no way (sorry to tell you) they are going to take 2-3 hours getting ready. You could get her kid to help hand out order of service sheets and ask the girlfriend to take pics of the guests arriving? And pretend you had been wondering who to ask so it works out really well...

Ginger1982 · 29/06/2018 14:37

Could she not go with your brother and help the boys 'get ready?' Help with buttonholes etc? Might make for some nice pics.

Crunchymum · 29/06/2018 14:38

YANBU

but why is it commendable that your brother is seeing a woman with a child? Confused

AndNoneForGretchenWieners · 29/06/2018 14:39

What about a bus or train? If she has only been with your brother a short time, how did she get about without him before she met him?

Crunchymum · 29/06/2018 14:40

Good point about the GF.

If it were me, I'd be mortified as to what is being suggested.

Jaxhog · 29/06/2018 14:41

H's only known her 6 weeks!!!

TBH, they are totally unreasonable for even asking. You don't need this extra hassle.

Hissy · 29/06/2018 14:42

They've been together not even a couple of months and he's clearly been introduced to this child already, she's coming to the wedding with the kid and your mum thinks this is all tickety boo?

Nothing commendable there, it has slow-motion car crash written all over it.

By any chance is your DB still living at home and your DM is desperate for him to move out?

Justmuddlingalong · 29/06/2018 14:42

I would be incredibly uncomfortable in your DB's GF's shoes. And would have politely declined the invitation. Your wedding, after she's only been with your DB 6 weeks is not the time or place to meet all the family. And the logistics of her getting and being there are another reason to decline.

hellosummer12 · 29/06/2018 14:42

They've only been together 6 weeks?? I'd say to your mum no, and to uninvite her. She caused the mess; she fixes it.

sockunicorn · 29/06/2018 14:43

she isnt your problem OP. Yes she can come (and you're very kind to include her child too - 2 extra guests). No she cant come to your house as you dont know her and she will be on every morning photo FOREVER. Your brother has to be with the groom. She can sort herself. Either he drops her off at aunties/grandmas that morning and she travels with them, or she stays in a local hotel the night before (may be cheaper than a taxi). its not your problem how the other guests arrive so why is she so different?

kaytee87 · 29/06/2018 14:44

Your mum invited someone you hardly know and her daughter to your wedding? Shock

You don't have to organise transport, let them figure it out themselves. You absolutely shouldn't have a stranger and their daughter with you on your wedding morning while you're getting ready.
Surely your brothers gf doesn't want to do that either?

Beehiveyourself · 29/06/2018 14:44

Can she just go to the reception and make her own wAy there? She seems to be getting more attention the you, the bride!

kaytee87 · 29/06/2018 14:46

I'm sure she can ask a friend for a lift if she really wants to come. If not, then tough luck, she can't come. Honestly, this is not your problem.

dontcallmelen · 29/06/2018 14:48

Can’t your dB pay for a taxi she is gf after all,or you Mum chip in with him to cover the costs, it’s not really your problem especially as you have never met her, all seems a bit odd.

Original poster
littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 14:48

To be honest I just don’t feel like eithe me or H2B should have to have her with either of us. I know it’s probably not going to take them 3 hours to get ready but they’re going to watch the match at 3pm (or some of it!) then head to the church as we get married at 4. I just don’t see why either or ya should have to accommodate a stranger.

They’re saying I can meet her Sunday and acting like she’ll then not be a stranger but I feel it’s still unfair of what’s being asked.

My brother is acting like I’m being mean and unreasonable, my mum is being very sheepish and apologetic.

OP posts:
DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 29/06/2018 14:49

I'd be inclined to say "Thanks but no thanks, mum!' I guess DM 'wants everybody to be happy' and DB is pleased to think everyone is being so welcoming.
Let DB or DM pay for a taxi for her to join you all at the wedding venue.

For all we know, gf herself might feel uncomfortable. As we used to say way back when, she doesn't know you from Eve.

Have a lovely day.

SoddingUnicorns · 29/06/2018 14:49

Your Mum and brother caused it, they need to sort it.

Justmuddlingalong · 29/06/2018 14:50

my mum is being very sheepish and apologetic. She should be bloody mortified.

Original poster
littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 14:50

@Hissy 🤣🤣🤣 no quite the opposite, she doesn’t want him to leave!!

OP posts:
twattymctwatterson · 29/06/2018 14:52

What's "commendable" about a man getting involved with a woman with a child? You make it sound like he's doing her a favour