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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weddings... About my brothers new GF?

200 replies

littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 14:13

So I’m getting married next Saturday (7th) 😬 and my Mum told my brother, without asking me first, that he could invite his new girlfriend to the wedding.
Now technically her coming isn’t a problem, it would be lovely to meet her, it’s the logistics.
She lives 25 miles away from where I live/where the wedding is taking place and she has no form of own transport to get to the wedding without my brother picking her up. This would be fine, however, he is an usher so has quite an important part and needs to be here early.
What’s been suggested to get around this is that he picks her up early and she then comes to mine with her little girl (not his, obviously, that’s not a problem though, different thread for that but he’s commendable!) and sits with us whilst I get ready and then walks to the wedding (it’s not far, 5 mins on foot)

I really don’t want this! I have never met her as they’ve only been together about 6 weeks and I just feel it would be strange having someone I don’t know watch me getting ready for my wedding!! To me this is something intimate and should be shared with only the bridal party.

AIBU about this?!

OP posts:
confusedscared2018 · 30/06/2018 23:10

Why is he commendable???

Grobagsforever · 01/07/2018 07:50

Meh. Wouldn't bother me. She can chill in another room surely. But then I am of the view that literally nothing matters about a wedding apart from the fact you get to marry the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. That already makes you very lucky and privileged and therefore extending a bit of random kindness to the GF seems very minor to me. You're putting a dress and make up on, not having minor surgery. Chill.

Original poster
littleemma1 · 01/07/2018 07:54

Having explained everything to my brother on Friday night, he had the discussion with her yesterday about travel, waiting around etc and she has politely declined the invitation.
We’re goinf for lunch today so that should be interesting!

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 01/07/2018 08:07

Oooh are you being painted as bridezilla?!

confusedscared2018 · 01/07/2018 08:15

You sound like you don't like the girl before you've even met her!! Definitely a bride Zilla

spotthedot · 01/07/2018 08:19

I don’t think you sound like a bridezilla, I think you sound like someone who doesn’t want a stranger hanging around while you get ready for your wedding!

Original poster
littleemma1 · 01/07/2018 08:24

Thank you @spotthedot. I’m really trying not to be a bridezilla!!!
Even after lunch today I still won’t want her coming to mine as to me, you don’t know someone after one lunch time meeting.
I was always more than happy to accommodate her at the wedding as well as having her and DD sleep at mine afterwards so I don’t think I’m being mean.

OP posts:
Original poster
littleemma1 · 01/07/2018 08:26

@icelollycraving I hope not!!!

OP posts:
Sarahjconnor · 01/07/2018 08:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grobagsforever · 01/07/2018 08:28

Actually why has the brother met the daughter after only six weeks? That is more the issue here...

CanineEnigma · 01/07/2018 08:29

Hardly bridezilla to not want a girlfriend of 6 weeks to be hanging around while you get ready.

KatieKat88 · 01/07/2018 08:30

I had something similar but my brother was much more reasonable! DB and GF had been together for 6 months by my wedding and she was clearly important to him so I wanted her there if she was happy to attend, but they needed to travel from the city where they lived (an hour away) and so were coming to my parents' house to get ready which I where I also was. I think I'd only met her once before, liked her but obviously didn't really know her! Luckily I was only doing hair there and did make up/ got dressed at the place we stayed at after the wedding so I didn't mind that, but wouldn't have wanted her there for the whole getting ready bit. They aren't together now but it was an important relationship for DB and I'm glad she was there - she was in massive group shots and individual ones with DB but no close family ones, so I think it worked out well all round.

KatieKat88 · 01/07/2018 08:31

Also you're definitely not being a bridezilla OP!!

eloisesparkle · 01/07/2018 08:32

littleemma1
You are definitely not a bridezilla.
You are being more than accommodating inviting the gf and her dd to your wedding and allowing them to stay in your home after the wedding. That's really kind of you.
Enjoy your lunch and remember she POLITELY declined so that says something.

confusedscared2018 · 01/07/2018 08:49

It was more the comment of her having a daughter and that making your brother 'commendable' that confused me?! Why is he commendable because his gf has a child?

Buggeredpelvicfloor2013 · 01/07/2018 08:49

So glad it's sorted for you, that would definitely have overshadowed the start of the day for you. Anyway congrats on your upcoming nuptials and I hope you have an amazing day xx

Quantumblue · 01/07/2018 08:51

Good outcome. Don't think about her again/-they might have broken up by next weekend--

ohreallyohreallyoh · 01/07/2018 08:53

Actually why has the brother met the daughter after only six weeks? That is more the issue here

Yes, that was my first thought. Certainly not commendable as suggested in OP’s first post.

Hygge · 01/07/2018 08:56

@Grobagsforever - "Actually why has the brother met the daughter after only six weeks? That is more the issue here..."

That's been my thought as I read the thread.

Six weeks is very soon for the brother to have met his girlfriend's daughter, let alone bringing her to meet the whole family as well.

I'm not sure how old the little girl is but it seems very soon for her to be meeting her mums new boyfriend's entire extended family.

OP your Mum was wrong to invite them. I'm glad you've had it out with her. Was it likely that your brother was pushing her to ask you if his girlfriend and her child could come?

Looking at it from both sides, I would have felt very uncomfortable with this. I do find it hard to talk to people I don't know, so even meeting once before the wedding wouldn't have made me feel comfortable. Not as the bride or the guest.

I would have hated being alone in a house with people I didn't know while my boyfriend was elsewhere. I would equally have hated feeling like I had to make a stranger feel comfortable when I had no idea what to say to them and other things to concentrate on.

I think you've been put in an impossible position but have handled it well.

Mummyoflittledragon · 01/07/2018 08:57

I hope she really did politely decline and that it goes well today. Please let us know.

5000FingersofDrT · 01/07/2018 09:02

You are not a bridezilla, OP.

Having read your update about the 'immediate family, bridal/groom party' going out for breakfast the morning after the wedding - had the GF + child stayed over at your house with Db, they'd have to have been included in the breakfast group. Would have been the polite thing to do but would you have been OK with that? (Hypothetical question, as it appears not to be happening, but just wondering)

Oxfordblue · 01/07/2018 09:19

You ANBU. Thanks I'd uninvite her & be telling DM yhr invites are closed!

Original poster
littleemma1 · 01/07/2018 09:32

I am also concerned about the DD being so involved with my brother already and her mums willingness to meet all of us but, is it my place to say anything?

@confusedscared2018 as I’ve said previously. He’s 23, she’s only 20. I don’t know many boys who would take on that responsibility at a young age and so quick into the relationship. It’s my opinion and I’m entitled to it.

Will update you all later!!

OP posts:
Aragog · 01/07/2018 09:35

Why doesn't she just go to the venue with your brother, even though it's a bit early? That would be a more sensible option surely. If it was me, I'd no way want to be sat watching the bride get ready when I'd never met her. I'd go to the venue and give my child a bit of time to have a run around outside etc.

Nothisispatrick · 01/07/2018 09:40

For goodness sake, are these people not adults? It is not down to the bride to sort out everyone else's travel and logistics.

DP and I went to a wedding yesterday in a different town. I was a bridesmaid so busy all morning, I did not ask if DP could go and hang out with the groom all morning. Instead, DP did some shopping, had a nice breakfast, had a pint and read his book, then met us at the town hall at the set time.