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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weddings... About my brothers new GF?

200 replies

littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 14:13

So I’m getting married next Saturday (7th) 😬 and my Mum told my brother, without asking me first, that he could invite his new girlfriend to the wedding.
Now technically her coming isn’t a problem, it would be lovely to meet her, it’s the logistics.
She lives 25 miles away from where I live/where the wedding is taking place and she has no form of own transport to get to the wedding without my brother picking her up. This would be fine, however, he is an usher so has quite an important part and needs to be here early.
What’s been suggested to get around this is that he picks her up early and she then comes to mine with her little girl (not his, obviously, that’s not a problem though, different thread for that but he’s commendable!) and sits with us whilst I get ready and then walks to the wedding (it’s not far, 5 mins on foot)

I really don’t want this! I have never met her as they’ve only been together about 6 weeks and I just feel it would be strange having someone I don’t know watch me getting ready for my wedding!! To me this is something intimate and should be shared with only the bridal party.

AIBU about this?!

OP posts:
Snappedandfarted2018 · 29/06/2018 16:27

I was 23 with a child when I met dh we have been together 8 years married for 4, so it is unfair to right them off. That being said her being there isn’t appropriate and her dd more so, as pp said don’t be surprised if she comes dressed as a flower girl

eggsandwich · 29/06/2018 16:30

Are you having evening guests, maybe if you are you could say she’s welcome to come for the evening that way your brother won’t be needed and he can drive and pick her up if he wants her there but he’ll have to abstain from drinking during the day so soft drinks only for him.

This way your making a token gesture as to the fact she’s his girlfriend and he can sort out the travel arrangements you have more than enough to think about.

hammeringinmyhead · 29/06/2018 16:31

I don't care how magical it is - it isn't up to the bride's mother to invite a stranger round on the morning of the wedding. As her mum has found out, OP would have said no if she had bothered checking first.

Imsosceptical · 29/06/2018 16:31

I think that’s an unreasonable comment.. I would imagine she’s actually pretty terrified but brother wants her there.. she’s obviously been ‘vetted’ by Mum who approves and likes her and has insisted, don’t push the blame on her, have a word with mum and bro before judging her.

Imsosceptical · 29/06/2018 16:33

Yes, I agree, Mum was out of order but we shouldn’t take it out on the poor girl and her daughter.

keyboardkate · 29/06/2018 16:33

Some points...

Before your Mum put her foot in it, did DB say anything to you about inviting the new GF at all?

Forget it anyway my love, it is NOT your problem it is hers and your DBs. Let them sort it between them.

I would NOT have her at yours whilst you are getting ready. That is a private, emotional and personal time with people you know and love. You do not know this girl.

I'd say the girl would probably be happy not to go myself. Especially if she has to make her own travel arrangements to and fro if DB is more interested in the footie than getting her to be with him and be at the wedding.

Just let them sort it out yourselves, it is not your problem. And if it escalates get DB to speak to Mum.

I hope you have a lovely day and congratulations!

Harrykanesrightsock · 29/06/2018 16:33

Nope. I think the girlfriend is barking to contemplate this. If my boyfriend told me I was to sit with a bride to be on her wedding day for a few hours in her house before I’d met her, I’d laugh in his face. She must have very thick skin.

MoreAndLess · 29/06/2018 16:33

Op you don’t sound bonkers but everyone else does. 😕

keyboardkate · 29/06/2018 16:34

Let them sort it out THEMSELVES, sorry. It's the heat.

Belindabauer · 29/06/2018 16:40

Why do people open their mouths and make offers to people without checking first
your mum is in the wrong.
Let her and your db sort it out.

hammeringinmyhead · 29/06/2018 16:41

It is entirely possible the GF has been bending the brother's ear because she has decided whether she gets invited or not is indicative of whether his family accepts her. A family friend has got engaged to a woman exactly like this after 6 weeks.

DuchyDuke · 29/06/2018 16:44

Why can’t your mum take care of her?

Velvete · 29/06/2018 16:49

YANBU- please just say no.

If they want her there they have to find a solution that doesn't inconvenience you. How can they even think that's an acceptable thing to suggest?

Nodnol · 29/06/2018 16:57

He’s been dating her less than two months and he wants her and the kid there. CF! You are a better person than me op, I’d have made my mother rescind the invitation totally.

She’s barking to have a new boyfriend (and his family) around her child so soon.

AlfredDaButtler · 29/06/2018 16:58

Why can’t your mum take care of her?

Maybe the OP and her mum have plans of getting ready together?

Original poster
littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 17:02

I am obviously v angry at my Mum about it and now I’m trying to sort it out with my brother.

Not one of our family members lives next to her so she can’t go to anyone else’s, it would mean coming to the town where I live (I live in the countryside and it’s all little villages and towns dotted around!) and going to a member of DH2B’s family to wait around which is even more weird/unfair. All of my family members are driving as they all live in the nearby city (trying not to put myself here!)

She can’t go to my Mums as that’s about 20 miles away and then she herself about 25 miles away in a different direction again so still logistically difficult. As I said before mum and brother staying at mine/OH’s so no option for the night before either.

I don’t want my brother leaving to go and pick her up as we don’t get married til 4pm so he’ll be needed for photos until 5.30/6.00pm which means by the time he goes to get her and comes back it could be 7.30/8.00pm which is nearly half the reception.

I’ve asked him why she can’t get a friend or relative to bring her and he said she’s a young single parent with no help from parents or friends. I do feel sorry for her but I refuse to let it pull on my soft shite heart strings.

@Imsosceptical ours is very relaxed. We’re having a late ceremony and then basically just a big piss up party celebration and we’ve been very chill about the general guest list, times etc but we’re talking about someone I have never met, sitting with me in my own home whilst I get ready? I think you’d be lying if you think you’d be comfortable with that.

I don’t even know how she feels about it because I haven’t even had a conversation with her. Going to call DB tonight to try and discuss in mor detail.

OP posts:
Original poster
littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 17:03

@AlfredDaButtler correct. I’m only having my mum and 2 bridesmaids there whilst I get ready 😊

OP posts:
squeaver · 29/06/2018 17:11

I really don't think it should be up to you to sort it out.

But, if/when you do speak to your brother, don't offer him solutions. Just keep saying: It's my wedding day and this is not what I want.

UniversalAunt · 29/06/2018 17:13

Six weeks is far too soon, IMO, for single mum to be an add-on into new bloke’s sister’s wedding, let alone taking her DD as well.

What message does this give the DD?

Too much, too soon.

No doubt, your DB thinks the world of her, but if he believes this relationship is ‘the one’, then is he wiser to take things at a pace that lets the relationship build on firmer footings & bring his newly beloved & child into the family fold based on love & respect rather than a hissy fit at being told no.

UniversalAunt · 29/06/2018 17:15

Surely in his wisdom he can see this...

Chattymummyhere · 29/06/2018 17:18

That’s bonkers. I remember sil Just bringing her relatively new bf along to my young child’s birthday party. Not invited or even mentioned he was coming for the first time meeting him.

On our wedding he was invited to the evening part but ended up in every single family photo. They split up not long after and now every family wedding photo has her ex in but it’s also the most recent all family photo. She was pretty peeved when a family wedding photo was used in a memory type present but as I said it’s the most recent with every single family member in but she wanted him there and allowed him in the photos. I had no idea until I saw them after.

EWAB · 29/06/2018 17:18

Just call me a bitch but no way would I want a stranger at my wedding. He has known her weeks! And a child! What if child kicks off? Absolutely not. They might be lovely but it’s your special day (have the urge to call you Hun now so I’ll stop and you can all berate me for my lack of generosity)!

Original poster
littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 17:18

I do think it’s cute that he’s so smitten he wants to bring her but, I know he’s a soft bugger when it comes to the girls!
I’ve told him on several occasions to grow a back bone as he gets bloody trampled on by them 🙄

OP posts:
CornishMaid1 · 29/06/2018 17:32

YANBU and I would not like that either. 6 weeks is really soon and having a stranger and her daughter hanging out with you on your wedding day is odd. Any options for public transport?

I know this is mean, but given how your DM and DB are acting part of me is wondering whether you may end up with a classic stealth bridesmaid at the wedding!

LoveProsecco · 29/06/2018 17:32

I'm shocked at this! Your wedding day should be relaxed and exactly as you want it. Getting ready etc should be private and intimate & not have a stranger!