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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Weddings... About my brothers new GF?

200 replies

littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 14:13

So I’m getting married next Saturday (7th) 😬 and my Mum told my brother, without asking me first, that he could invite his new girlfriend to the wedding.
Now technically her coming isn’t a problem, it would be lovely to meet her, it’s the logistics.
She lives 25 miles away from where I live/where the wedding is taking place and she has no form of own transport to get to the wedding without my brother picking her up. This would be fine, however, he is an usher so has quite an important part and needs to be here early.
What’s been suggested to get around this is that he picks her up early and she then comes to mine with her little girl (not his, obviously, that’s not a problem though, different thread for that but he’s commendable!) and sits with us whilst I get ready and then walks to the wedding (it’s not far, 5 mins on foot)

I really don’t want this! I have never met her as they’ve only been together about 6 weeks and I just feel it would be strange having someone I don’t know watch me getting ready for my wedding!! To me this is something intimate and should be shared with only the bridal party.

AIBU about this?!

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 29/06/2018 14:55

Your DB needs to sort this out with his GF. It is a total imposition to ask you to have her and her DC hang around as you get ready for your wedding.

Original poster
littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 14:56

I think he is commendable because he’s only 23. I don’t know many young men that would be willing to enter into a relationship with a girl who has kids.

OP posts:
LoveInTokyo · 29/06/2018 14:57

YANBU.

Your mum was BVU to invite her in the first place. You absolutely do not have to let someone you don't even know encroach on your special day by being there while you get ready. That is something for you to share with your bridesmaids/nearest and dearest.

I don't see why a £50-60 taxi fare is a big deal. Let her pay it. Or let your brother pay it. I can't remember the last time I went to a wedding where I didn't pay at least that much to travel, or where I didn't have to pay for a hotel on the night of the wedding.

Attending weddings is (usually) expensive. If she can't afford the taxi fare she doesn't have to come.

ShapelyBingoWing · 29/06/2018 14:57

Just tell your mum that if she wants her invite to stand, she has to arrange it so that the GF arrives at the venue at the same time as the other guests or stays with your brother. Say it's your wedding morning, not a meet and greet and you don't want to be feeling the need to play hostess to people you're only just meeting while the focus should be on you and how you're feeling.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/06/2018 15:04

My brother is acting like I’m being mean and unreasonable

Do you have anyone else who can step in for DB's usher duties if necessary? Because if this is his attitude, he might well go AWOL while picking up his GF, getting her and her child into the car, finding a parking space near the church and other general fannying around

happypoobum · 29/06/2018 15:04

Well as DM organised this, she can pick up the slack and deal with the GF.

I think it's quite cheeky to invite a GF he has only had for 6 weeks and is a total stranger. Most people do not want strangers at their wedding/in the photos.

You need to stand your ground on this.

PotatoesDieInHotCars · 29/06/2018 15:04

Can she come down the night before and stay with your mum/brother?

diddl · 29/06/2018 15:04

Does your brother even want her there?

Could she stay the night before with your mu or your mum pick her up & "look after" her-since she's the one who invited her!

supersop60 · 29/06/2018 15:07

If I were the GF I should feel very uncomfortable about sitting around in the bride's house while she's getting ready, especially if I didn't know her. Much better to take her child to a park (run off some energy before the wedding). Stick to your guns OP!
Oh, and have a lovely day!

FizzyGreenWater · 29/06/2018 15:07

Your brother is calling you unreasonable for wanting your wedding morning to be as you planned it, rather than ending up with a total stranger watching you like a lemon because people think it's ok to go round inviting strangers to your wedding?!

No, I'm afraid £50-60 for a taxi is very much an option, like I said, looks like your mum has landed herself with a bill. She should have talked to you. It's utterly twatty that she didn't. I hope she does feel sheepish, she should. Tell her to speak to your brother and tell him to shut up and that yes SHE is the one who fucked up here, and then tell her that it's a taxi please, you don't care how it's paid for but you expect them to sort it without telling YOU that you have to rearrange your own wedding morning plans.

3stonedown · 29/06/2018 15:07

I wouldn't worry about hurting her feelings by saying no. Any sane person doesn't want to watch a stranger get ready on her wedding day. She probably feels as awkward as you

AnneLovesGilbert · 29/06/2018 15:09

You don't have to let her come. You don't know her and didn't invite her. Your brother acting like a petulant child is hardly going to make you want her there.

The whole thing is ridiculous. I can't understand why when your mother mentioned it you didn't say no straight away.

Mix56 · 29/06/2018 15:10

its not your family's responsibility to provide transport for the guests. There must be a friend, or family member, or bus she can take.
or your brother can collect her. How old is she 16 ?
You are right to not want a perfect stranger in your wedding morning photos, she may be history next week.
Not your problem.
Have a great day !

Whatshallidonowpeople · 29/06/2018 15:12

Why on earth does anyone, including the bridal party want to "watch you getting ready "?

HollowTalk · 29/06/2018 15:13

The thing is, it's very likely that he won't be with her for long. It's ridiculous to include her in your wedding day preparations.

It's down to your mum to sort out, now. Your brother is being a dick. And your husband-to-be shouldn't have to put up with her, either. Your brother needs to fork out for a taxi for her if he wants her there that badly.

FizzyGreenWater · 29/06/2018 15:14

Oh and if there's any more argument or comments to you, I suggest you say, right, that's it, patience at an end, please tell GF that she isn't invited. I'm happy to explain my decision at a later date, by the way please be aware that it will certainly include descriptions of how my own brother started harassing me about my wedding plans.

Hissy · 29/06/2018 15:15

Your brother is 23 and lives at home. He knows FUCK ALL about anything and will be in that woman's life for a few months TOPS.

You have kids, you are getting married and it's your fucking wedding.

He can be as affronted as he likes (he might have to look the word up) but HE is being a dick. Inviting someone he's known for minutes to his sisters wedding without so much as a do you mind, and you DM is a twat for encouraging him. He might not know the way of the world, but she bloody does.

Just say no. Put your foot down, and say NO.

JustVent · 29/06/2018 15:17

Why can’t we watch your brother get ready?

Why does she have to be with you? Suggest that to him?

heyduggeee · 29/06/2018 15:18

I don't think yabu at all!
You would feel awkward on the day where you should be relaxing and getting excited for the day ahead. I would feel I'd have to keep her entertained as she'd be the 'odd one out' on the morning.
Surely she has friends/family that could help her with transport on the day!? Explain she is more than welcome to attend the wedding, you are looking forward to meeting her and getting to know her, but becoming part of the bridal party isn't an option and she needs to sort travel arrangements.

BackforGood · 29/06/2018 15:20

YANBU AT ALL.
I wouldn't invite a girlfriend of 6 weeks to the wedding either. It would be a definite NO about her coming to sit in your house whilst you are getting ready - even without the child.
It really isn't your problem.
Make it clear that - as your Mum has already invited her, you will accept she is coming to the wedding, but that she is not invited to the house first and that DB's duties are still what they always were, so, if she really wants to spend the day at a stranger's wedding, then it is up to her to find a way to do so. This really isn't your responsibility.

Mitzimaybe · 29/06/2018 15:24

There's no way I would have had a stranger with me when I was getting ready for my wedding - and the stranger's child possibly causing all sorts of mayhem - no, no and thrice no.

Their problem, they can sort, but you & H2B shouldn't have to deal with it. Are there other ushers? Can you drop your DB as an usher?

Puzzledandpissedoff · 29/06/2018 15:27

Make it clear that ... DB's duties are still what they always were

That's all very well, but short of kidnapping him there's not really a way to force petulant DB to be there suitably early if he'd rather be faffing round his girlfriend - which is why I asked if anyone else could fill in for him if it comes to that

Original poster
littleemma1 · 29/06/2018 15:28

My Mum is meant to be staying with me the night before as she’s giving me away so I would like her with me so staying at hers isn’t an option. She lives 20 miles in another direction.

H2B and DB are staying at future MIL’s the night before so also not an option.

I think I’ll put my foot down and say he has to stand up to his responsibilities in the wedding, if she really wants to come and meet the family she absolutely has to find her own way.

I just don’t want to sound mean, unreasonable, or worse, a Bridezilla!

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 29/06/2018 15:29

A 23 yo wants to dump his gf of 6 weeks and her young dd on you, the bride, the day of your wedding so he can get ready at his leisure with your dh2b and watch the match.

Can I just say how ridiculous it is that she’s already allowed a boy (not man) she’s known 5 minutes access to his child.

He does realise this is your wedding doesn’t he? Sounds like he has spoilt brat syndrome to me. This is not the action of a man. These are the manipulations and whining of a boy. Tell him to eff off. I’m sure he has a mate or can find a more suitable wedding guest, who would be willing to house them for a couple of hours and perhaps bring them to the church.

You are already meeting him half way by allowing her to come in the first place. At this rate he will be demanding the marital bed next.

Bananasinpyjamas11 · 29/06/2018 15:29

Yanbu it’s up to her to sort herself out. And no not wait in your house either. Just say sorry but no can do.