Did this woman think she was going on a date with my husband?

[poopsqueak]

Right. This is a weird one.

Husband has a hobby. This woman sort of partakes in a similar hobby (think musician/dancer) so crosses paths with my husband and me on occasion.

I have met her on occasion. Not got a great vibe and felt a bit scrutinised and she was a bit patronising to me.

She sent him a fb message last week saying she had a 'spare' ticket to a gig and would he like it because it was sold out. Kind I thought but we had actually already got tickets to this gig.

It obviously sounded off to him because he showed me the message and said 'she'll be going with (mutual friend) and thought I might like to go, maybe he suggested me?'

I was like thinking hmm you are being kind assuming a big group are going. So he messaged her back saying 'yes me and Poop are already planning on going, see you there thanks for the thought etc.'

Anyway we went to the gig and she turned up at the venue next door, by herself and sits with us. Very dressed up. I asked (cringing at this now) 'who are you meeting are X and X coming?' And she replied 'no, just you two'

AIBU to think she thought she was going on a date with my husband? It's just made both of us (myself and my husband) feel a bit uncomfortable tbh.

Was the other ticket for the friend?

very odd op, your spidey senses are probably right about her....but your DH sounds as surprised as you....keep her at arms length..(at least)

Why would she think she was going on a date when he told her you were both going?

Did the mutual friend drop out and that’s why she had a spare ticket?

Your DH told her beforehand that he was going with you so I don’t think she’d have thought she was going on a date with your DH. It just sounds to me as if she’d no one else to go with tbh.

No, she can’t have done. He told her she was bringing you.

Does she not normally dress like that?

But your husband told her you and he were going together so i doubt she thought she was going on a date with him.

Maybe the others didn't want to go so she wanted to tag along with you two?

In what ways does she patronise you? That would annoy me and maake me want to avoid her.

Maybe she interpreted the 'see you there' as a 'You've told me you're going alone so you can tag along with us'.

I think you should keep an eye on her. It does sound like she got 2 tickets and wanted to take your husband. How embarrassing for her that he was already going with you. What does your DH think?

She offered the ticket to him before he said he already had a ticket with me. So he didn't take the spare ticket. But if he had said yes, I'll have it, and went along they would have been there alone.

Well, obviously at the point she was getting ready she knew you were going, so her clothes etc must just be what she likes for a night out.

She either was going with someone who dropped out and couldn't get rid of the ticket, or it was a fabrication to try to go out with your husband that failed. If it was the latter I would think she would come up with an excuse not to go once he told her you would be there.

So it's more likely it genuinely was a spare ticket imho.

Yeah maybe, quite weird! Doubt she’ll make that mistake again.

But the fact that she went anyway, knowing you’d be there, suggests she understood the situation.

I'm confused - your husband said straight away that you were both going, so why would you suppose she'd think it was a date? Dressing up when you are going out for the evening isn't something you only do on a date. Unless there's something other than this, and a previous instance of your finding her 'a bit patronising' I think YABU.

My husband is a bit weirded out about it tbh. He doesn't know her that well and she has been going to all his bands gigs. That's not unusual though, her type of dance friends always go and dance at these gigs.

I just know my spider sense was up and his top as he showed me the messages with a puzzled face.

Hmm l dont know it could be she was going with one friend genuinely who dropped out and if its a shared interest with your dh naybe friend suggedted him or she automatically thought of him. But having said all that we should trust our instincts sometimes, we have them for a reason, to mainly warn of predators so who knows she could be after your dh.

I wondered if she thought she was inviting him on a date (before he said he was already going)

Last comment was to screamingvalenta

I understand what you are saying poop, even though some seem to have difficulty in understanding. Yes I think this OW had deliberately tried to trick your H into going on a date

I think if she really had intended to ask him on a date, she would have backed out of going at all once she heard he was actually going with you. If you genuinely fancy someone, the last place you would want to be is on a night out with him and his wife! You would feel stupid and awkward all night. The fact she can be relaxed in your company probably means she doesn't care.

It sounds like she's one of those types that has slightly different boundaries - i.e thinks nothing of being "new friends" with a married man. Not my style, but there are women like this. I would take no notice.

@poopsqueak Ah, I see now. I thought you meant when she actually turned up, as you'd commented on what she was wearing.

You haven't said anything to suggest your husband would have given her the impression he'd be interested in a date. You've mentioned that you've met her before (so presumably your husband introduced you) and his first reaction when she mentioned the gig was to bring your name into the discussion - this isn't the behaviour of a man who might be open to a fling. She'd either have to be very deluded, or your H. would have to behave very differently when you're not around, to think he'd be up for a date.

I hear you too Poop, especially when your DH feels the same way.
You're both on the same page, so it'll be fine.

How was the evening? Did she stay with you all night? How was she towards you?

'yes me and Poop are already planning on going, see you there thanks for the thought etc.'.

Maybe she quite literal and though see you there meant exactly that-‘see you there

Well she corrected me on the improper use of some feminist jargon at the start of the evening which was nice.

Then we got into the venue and she went off and stood by herself at the side. We said goodbye at the end but it was all a bit awkward. I began feeling guilty for leaving her but then kind of had a word with myself about her not being my responsibility.

When I said she was patronising the first time I met her she told me she thought I was an 'absolutely amaaaazing dancer' when I am at best an infrequent shuffler and she is literally a professional dancer. So weird.