Did this woman think she was going on a date with my husband?

[poopsqueak]

Right. This is a weird one.

Husband has a hobby. This woman sort of partakes in a similar hobby (think musician/dancer) so crosses paths with my husband and me on occasion.

I have met her on occasion. Not got a great vibe and felt a bit scrutinised and she was a bit patronising to me.

She sent him a fb message last week saying she had a 'spare' ticket to a gig and would he like it because it was sold out. Kind I thought but we had actually already got tickets to this gig.

It obviously sounded off to him because he showed me the message and said 'she'll be going with (mutual friend) and thought I might like to go, maybe he suggested me?'

I was like thinking hmm you are being kind assuming a big group are going. So he messaged her back saying 'yes me and Poop are already planning on going, see you there thanks for the thought etc.'

Anyway we went to the gig and she turned up at the venue next door, by herself and sits with us. Very dressed up. I asked (cringing at this now) 'who are you meeting are X and X coming?' And she replied 'no, just you two'

AIBU to think she thought she was going on a date with my husband? It's just made both of us (myself and my husband) feel a bit uncomfortable tbh.

I think you are totally overthinking this.

It sounds like the best thing would just be to give her a wide berth in future. If she has been eyeing your husband as a potential conquest, the failure of her spare ticket ruse should now have disabused her of any romantic notions. A positive is that your husband has handled this impeccably.

I’d take it at face value, I don’t understand why you feel threatened by her. From reading it seems that she is just trying to make friends, like previous posters have said she might not know many people with the same interest or most of her friends are all busy having babies etc.

Ahhhhhhhhh I see now...she gave the impression she was always going with someone...and was asking if your husband wanted to tag along with them, but when she showed up was alone.

I see your point more now.. could be coincidence though...did you or your husband ask where mutual friend was?

I wondered if she thought she was inviting him on a date (before he said he was already going)

No, that's what you thought. She was offering a spare ticket, that's all.

Could she not have just wanted to dress up if she doesn’t get out much and maybe trying to meet some other guy if she is single- she may have wanted to use your husband and you as wingmen!

You’re reading way too much into it.
Emarrassingly so.
If she was looking for a date she wouldn’t have turned up knowing you’d be there. Most people dress up when they’re going out.
Mountain out of mole hill.

Yeh I think you’re way overthinking this
She just had a spare ticket and thought he might fancy it
Nothing unusual?!

Honestly, OP, this woman can’t do anything right. You clearly don’t like her, which is fine — you’re not obliged to like anyone, and it’s your husband she clearly thinks of as a potential friend — but it sounds to me as if what sounds to me like bizarrely old-fashioned views about opposite-sex friendships are warping you and your husband’s view.

There’s absolutely nothing in what you say to suggest she has designs on your husband. Her dancing friends go to his gigs — it’s not her stalking him. She knew you were coming to this event, so she wasn’t dressed up in expectation of a date. She didn’t monopolise you and your DH, but went off and did her own thing. She paid you a compliment you chose to read as patronising, but it’s equally possible she was just trying to nice, surely?

And as a pp said, there’s no evidence she’s sexually interested in your husband. I go to stuff with a male friend all the time, and because I know him from work and we live a long way apart, I’ve only met his wife twice.

She might have been dressed up hoping to meet someone, or she might like the opportunity to get dressed up.

Perhaps she's hoping to make new friends or find a Boyfriend via your DH's mates, or someone who'd come over to speak to him (if he's well known).

Tbh, this is what puts me off joining any type of hobby group, as a single Woman.

If she posted on here asking for friends, she'd get told to do what she is doing.

Fair enough if you don't like her, you don't have to like her but that doesn't mean she was up to anything. Dp is involved in music and I find that musical types tend to be less uptight about get-together invites and social barriers generally.

Just as an aside I really don't care about her hobby or even going to all his gigs with her dancer friends (that's what they do)

Gigs are public events so she will be here. He also plays at this particular type of dance competitions so they will bump into each other etc

I dress up even if I'm going to meet a female friend (I'm a straight woman). I love a night out, get to dress with my best clothes, put some make up on. This woman did nothing wrong and perhaps she thought it was ok to tag along with you guys. And you might think she doesn't not know you don't like her but I am sure she knows that. Your views or her are quite strong and she might have noticed that.

I agree Birds - I'm single and I hate this idea that we are all out to get 'your man' - to me it reads thus:

Hi - fancy a ticket to this gig - I have a spare

• no I have one - me and my wife are going

on the night - oh high - mates dropped out so I'll sit with you for a bit ...

nothing more

Sorry hit the button too soon. I personally would not invite a married man to a gig. Unless he's an old friend and my DP is not available to go with me. And I would totally mention "if you not have any plans with your wife/girlfriend/partner". Of course men and women can be friends but life is hectic, people work hard and look forward to spend some spare time with their SO. Maybe she thought that she could be friends with your husband. I don't think she fancies him but she's only awkward and invitited the wrong person to go with her.

She sounds horrible. What sort of person makes sarcastic, unkind remarks about someone else's dancing? And yes, I think she was/is trying to engineer something between her and your DH. I think she was trying to set up a "date", and thought you wouldn't realise. But when she found out you were both already going, she felt it would be too obvious if she didn't spend time with your DH after all if you were also there I also feel that if she seemed really dressed up it could mean nothing, but I'm afraid my suspicion is that she was trying to outdo you and compete with you.

I get worried about her intentions
You really don’t need to worry about her intentions though do you?

Thank Christ you had a ticket eh OP?!

There was a similar thread a while ago, I can't remember what happened in that situation.

No idea what she thought was happening OP, it could all be completely innocent on her part. But if not, you said your husband finds this as strange as you do, so you don't have anything to worry about. He's obviously not interested in her and it sounds like you both made that clear.

@DeckSofa you alright there love?

Lavender I think you are on the same page as me.

I have male friends, DH has female friends but they are long established or mutual and we all know each other.

But I too wouldn't invite a married man that I've known only briefly to gig alone either.

But I too wouldn't invite a married man that I've known only briefly to gig alone either.

I wouldn't either. But I don't understand your point about her clothes, since by that point she knew you were both going.

He needs to block her.
And not reply to any messages.

She thinks she’s better than you, hence critiquing your radfem and being scathing about your dancing, and she believes she’s a better partner than you for your DH.

Let your DH know she’s got him in her sights and it’s not a compliment!
She’s stalking him, and in her mind she’s in competition with you.

So, OP, are you saying that married men are entirely off-limits as friends unless their wives chaperone all encounters? Or that married men are ok as friends, but a coffee or a drink would have been a better way of initiating a possible friendship?