Did this woman think she was going on a date with my husband?

[poopsqueak]

Right. This is a weird one.

Husband has a hobby. This woman sort of partakes in a similar hobby (think musician/dancer) so crosses paths with my husband and me on occasion.

I have met her on occasion. Not got a great vibe and felt a bit scrutinised and she was a bit patronising to me.

She sent him a fb message last week saying she had a 'spare' ticket to a gig and would he like it because it was sold out. Kind I thought but we had actually already got tickets to this gig.

It obviously sounded off to him because he showed me the message and said 'she'll be going with (mutual friend) and thought I might like to go, maybe he suggested me?'

I was like thinking hmm you are being kind assuming a big group are going. So he messaged her back saying 'yes me and Poop are already planning on going, see you there thanks for the thought etc.'

Anyway we went to the gig and she turned up at the venue next door, by herself and sits with us. Very dressed up. I asked (cringing at this now) 'who are you meeting are X and X coming?' And she replied 'no, just you two'

AIBU to think she thought she was going on a date with my husband? It's just made both of us (myself and my husband) feel a bit uncomfortable tbh.

Ginny your post has more projection that than a cinema.

Do you think she has a weird stalker type crush on your DH? That's what Im reading into the situation.

In the real world op most people would feel exactly as you do. They arent friends. Your husband clearly isnt interested in being her friend and her inviting him out the blue is strange when hes married...and not her friend! Mumsnet is like a different planet.

@PimlicoWaif This!

Most people would feel the same as you IRL OP.
It's not normal for a random woman (because that's technically what she is) to invite another woman's husband on a date. It just isn't and yes that's what she is doing.

No, most people are reasonable and don't imagine everyone who wants some company to a gig so a ticket doesn't go to waste are actually out to STEAL YOUR MAN.

It would be interesting to know if the "mutual friend" actually knows anything at all about the ticket. Personally I'm guessing it was a lie.

If she was hoping for a date I would have thought that she wouldn't have bothered to turn up once she knew that you were going.

Perhaps there never was a spare ticket & she just wanted to know if your husband would be there, or perhaps people did drop out & she went as she knew that someone she knew would be there.

Still, he's not interested so her intentions don't matter.

Sorry did she know he was married?

Pimlico I think it's fine for married people to have friends of the opposite sex.

But they aren't really friends IYsWIM, he plays music at events she dances at. Acquaintances at best. The mutual friend is organiser of said events and plays with husband in a band.

I think we (as in me and my husband) assumed the mutual friend must have been going because that's the connection between her and him. She never said mutual friend was going. Just that she had a spare ticket and would he like it. As I say it was us who assumed mutual friend was going. They were never going, they were on hol actually.

Yes of course she knows he's married and we have a child. She's met me before and he posts lots of family pictures on fb so it would be very unlikely.

Poop, does your husband play Latin music by any chance?

She is very young still. It might just be a faux pas to do with her youth and inexperience rather than her having had a calculated plan to steal away your dh.

Why would your husband need a ticket to an event if he is a musician? Don’t they get complementary tickets anyway! I think she definetly wants to hang out with you both

No, Jazz. So Lindy bop/swing dancing.

Ha ha we did get free tickets!

Urgh how awkward unless she was a good friend of your husbands she was clearly asking him out on a date .

Apologies I didn’t RTFT thoroughly but I guess yes I would be suspicious in RL but think it’s odd she still attended all dressed up if she had intentions to strike up an affair with your husband right in front of you!

At a stretch I guess she might think maybe if I put more effort into my appearance he might see me as more attractive? Hard to know really... just keep an eye on it.

I think a lot of you are very naive. Just because you wouldn't try it on with a married man doesn't mean all women won't. Plenty do, just look at the ow posts on here. I know someone who the majority of her boyfriends/one night stands have been married men.

OP she has a crush on him for certain, but I think she's embarrassed herself enough now by inviting him out and you being there. She probably won't try anything again, but keep an eye out. If you see her again just be polite to her.

Holy bajeezus, I can't believe how many people really think that a woman tried to get a married man on a date & then gatecrashed his date with his wife, all because she was kind enough to offer a spare ticket. How dare she be dressed up for a gig!

A sold out event means that this would have been pre-planned & surely she would have thought that he might already have a ticket?

I'm all for listening to your instincts if they've had a great track record but it sounds far fetched & jealous unnecessarily.

I would love to hear her side of events on this

@Barbaro

I think you are very unreasonable. Just because you would "try it on" with every man you meet doesn't mean every woman would.

Not RTWT, but...

Even as a gauche 23/24yo I would have never dreamed of INVITING A MARRIED MAN, who I don't really know, to a gig. It looks like a come-on. It is a come-on. She could have sold the ticket instead if none of her own friends, family, social circle (and related - people often sell tickets via friends of friends on social media these days so have access to a much wider number of people) could come.

I think she offered the ticket to OP's DH as a bit of a carrot and turned up looking glam in case OP did not accompany her DH for one reason or another.

Wow some people going out of their way to paint some random woman as a Scarlett seductress man stealer. I really doubt she's after your husband op.

Honestly, sounds like she was let down by someone so went and stood at a gig with people she already knew. Really nothing unusual or weird about that. Would've been weirder if she stood by herself with you guys being there.

I don’t mean to be nosy but are you quite well off! If your husband is an impoverished musician it would be hard to believe she is after him, more believable if he is successful.

bukeejit I know a lot of married men, but I wouldn't invite just them alone to a gig with just me. It's inappropriate.

She isn't a long standing friend of OP's DH or something, she knows him a little through a shared hobby but they don't have any particular friendship from the sounds of it.