Did this woman think she was going on a date with my husband?

[poopsqueak]

Right. This is a weird one.

Husband has a hobby. This woman sort of partakes in a similar hobby (think musician/dancer) so crosses paths with my husband and me on occasion.

I have met her on occasion. Not got a great vibe and felt a bit scrutinised and she was a bit patronising to me.

She sent him a fb message last week saying she had a 'spare' ticket to a gig and would he like it because it was sold out. Kind I thought but we had actually already got tickets to this gig.

It obviously sounded off to him because he showed me the message and said 'she'll be going with (mutual friend) and thought I might like to go, maybe he suggested me?'

I was like thinking hmm you are being kind assuming a big group are going. So he messaged her back saying 'yes me and Poop are already planning on going, see you there thanks for the thought etc.'

Anyway we went to the gig and she turned up at the venue next door, by herself and sits with us. Very dressed up. I asked (cringing at this now) 'who are you meeting are X and X coming?' And she replied 'no, just you two'

AIBU to think she thought she was going on a date with my husband? It's just made both of us (myself and my husband) feel a bit uncomfortable tbh.

It sounds like she had hoped for a date, but then thought it sounded like she was invited to join you.

So she wasn't with you?

Poor woman - sounds like she cannot do anything right. You clearly don't like her (and made it obvious) so don't see her again. Easy.

When I said she was patronising the first time I met her she told me she thought I was an 'absolutely amaaaazing dancer' when I am at best an infrequent shuffler and she is literally a professional dancer. So weird.

Sounds like she was just trying to be complimentary about you

Then we got into the venue and she went off and stood by herself at the side.

So she came and spoke for a while then went off by herself? It would have been weirder if she didn't talk to you.

She wasn't with anyone. I think she came to sit with us and maybe got scared off. She stood with us initially (my husband in between us ) then moved away after a while.

The gig was sold out and I know that if she couldn't get a friend to come then she could have sold it.

I'm just now very wary of her!

I know I'm meant to be 'cool' with men and women being friends but when it's my husband and a new woman and she's inviting him out alone I get worried about her intentions.

Buzz it wasn't like that though. She looked me up and down while I was dancing and said it with a patronising tone.

Maybe I'm too trusting but I'm thinking that she's a bit lonely and intent on expanding her circle and/or going out more. If she's rather socially awkward (without meaning to be spiteful, it sounds like she is) she may have only a small number of friends. If she's aged 25 or older, the chances are that the majority of them are coupled up/pregnant/parents which makes finding "going out" buddies a lot harder. Turning up to a pub to meet a married couple who you barely know doesn't sound like the work of an OW-in-waiting, it sounds like the work of someone who's a bit isolated.

I don't know she's about 23/4 and my husband and I are early 30s. So not old and isolated.

But if he had said yes, I'll have it, and went along they would have been there alone
But a woman can invite a male friend somewhere alone and it not be a date. I'm heading down south to spend all Saturday with a male friend. He invited me. There will be alcohol and food and fun. It isn't a date just because we are make and female

Male

I know you can have male and female friends.

If she went to stand with you for a bit and then wandered off, I'd interpret that as meaning she was receiving less-than-friendly vibes from you, and perhaps felt a bit in the way.

So men and women can be friends bit they can't be alone??

Maybe true. Screaming. I felt quite threatened. Before the venue she mostly talked to my husband apart from correcting me on my radfem knowledge.

Is your husband like really , really hot, or just really big headed?

Sorry, that was mean but tbh, it sounds like
she wanted to go to the gig
her mate had let her down
she offered ticket to your dh as she'd rather not go alone
your dh said you and he were going - she took it that she could go with you both
you and he got all weird about it and she felt like a gooseberry so she went off on her own

YABU

Sounds to me (in my opinion) you got it and her all wrong and she is trying her best, albeit a bit of a weird way.

Had a ticket spare, asked a man if he wanted it, he said he was going with his wife.... we run in the same circles and gave me the impression it was ok to tag along with them both at the concert. Once I got there the ‘wife’ comentted on my dress and said who else am I meeting here....how awkward!!!!! I just assumed her husband told her I had a spare ticket with no one to go with as I offered it to him and he told me that him and his wife would see me there, but she was defiantly surprised to see me....maybe he didn’t tell her.

Later on she said when we first met I was patronising to her, maybe she thought I was but I’m hardly going to spend the evening with a women who I’ve knowingly insulted...whilst I’m alone and her husband is standing there....this made me nervous and as a last ditch attempt told her how great a dancer she is.....she is not, but she made me feel so awkward and that I’d been nothing but a pain for coming along when I felt I was invited with the ‘we’ll see you there commeny’ that I just wanted to give her any compliment to be nice and cool the hostilities. Plus if I’m honest....she was probably more pissed her husband didn’t tell her I was coming along.

That’s how I read it anyway. Your OH clearly seems to have never given her a reason to think it’s a date... she knew you was there, she got dressed up...so what, itsnt that what your supposed to do....so I don’t think she did think it was a date.
I think you’ve read it wrong OP

I dunno I'd probably take it at face value

her mate dropped out
she said spare ticket to dh
he said oh we're both going
she was on her own and assumed ok to go with you two

is what i would think

and also that we hadn't hit it off and so prob she's not going to become a close friend!

Sleeping you are missing context. And purposefully I think.

Of course men and women can be alone. But there is a world of difference between say old school friends meeting up for a drink in a pub in the day and a pretty much random woman asking a married man to a gig. I feel so anyway. Not sure about other people.

Sounds like she just doesn’t know many people and took your husbands comment about seeing her there as genuine, sad that you couldn’t have just been friendly to her. I don’t think her previous comment was patronising, sounds like she’s a bit socially awkward and was trying to be nice

She sounds strange. Maybe she's just a bit odd/awkward - or just quite patronising and unpleasant.

It's possible that she's interested in your husband, and so was yes, trying to invite him out on a "date". That might explain why she was very dressed up, even if she knew you were coming; perhaps trying to impress him?

Either way I wouldn't follow up with a second evening!

She sounds like a bit of a caaaah. I knew a woman who told me she would deliberately try to disrupt "dates nights" between a couple when she was interested in the man. Especially if she had made overtures and they had been rebuffed. She saw it as revenge and sort of "If I can't have him, then neither can you" type of attitude.

She derived her self-worth by "winning" men who were spoken for. It was just a massive ego thing for her and would often dump the men soon after they had left their partner and declared their undying love for her. Perhaps this woman is a bit like this.

Here's the thing. Her behaviour is immaterial if you trust your husband and by the sounds of his reaction, you should. She can play whatever sad little game she wants but as long as you are both committed to each other, then her behaviour is nothing, but at best, something to laugh at and at worst, a mild annoyance.

Be wary of her

Yep, sounds like she was putting it out there in a nothing ventured nothing gained kind of way. Cringe.

No Poop I just accept that any friendship is new at some point and genitals shouldn't make a difference.

Maybe ahe wa sarcastic about tour dancing skills, maybe ahe talked to dh than you because they get in better, hsve more in common than because she's trying to have an affair with him.

I'd assume me and Poop are coming too so see you there meant come hang with us. Otherwise I'd just say ah thanks but I've already got tickets, have a good night.

If DH started questioning the intentions of every male friend I make I'd be pissed off tbf

Hey Deandre I was nice to her. I certainly didn't comment on her dress. I thought she looked nice, just very dressed up. I even tried talking to her about things I know she is into (feminism) but she just shut me down and made me feel a bit stupid.

Also she doesn't know I think she was patronising when I met her so she definitely wouldn't have avoided me because of that.

In response to 'us your husband hot' well of course I think he is but he is no David Beckham. He is though quite well known in some music circles through his band.l and we have had a couple of people (men and women) have been quite forward with him.