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AIBU?

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Original poster

Did this woman think she was going on a date with my husband?

234 replies

poopsqueak · 25/06/2018 17:55

Right. This is a weird one.

Husband has a hobby. This woman sort of partakes in a similar hobby (think musician/dancer) so crosses paths with my husband and me on occasion.

I have met her on occasion. Not got a great vibe and felt a bit scrutinised and she was a bit patronising to me.

She sent him a fb message last week saying she had a 'spare' ticket to a gig and would he like it because it was sold out. Kind I thought but we had actually already got tickets to this gig.

It obviously sounded off to him because he showed me the message and said 'she'll be going with (mutual friend) and thought I might like to go, maybe he suggested me?'

I was like Hmm thinking hmm you are being kind assuming a big group are going. So he messaged her back saying 'yes me and Poop are already planning on going, see you there thanks for the thought etc.'

Anyway we went to the gig and she turned up at the venue next door, by herself and sits with us. Very dressed up. I asked (cringing at this now) 'who are you meeting are X and X coming?' And she replied 'no, just you two'

AIBU to think she thought she was going on a date with my husband? It's just made both of us (myself and my husband) feel a bit uncomfortable tbh.

OP posts:
tiredybear · 25/06/2018 22:09

OP, stop trying to get the haters on this thread to be reasonable. you won't win. it's really hard to put into words why you felt it was off, so people will try and make you the bad gal. However, both you and you OH felt it was off, so it was off, end of. Trust yourselves!
If you ended up being the gooseberry because you had no one else to go with, you'd make a joke of it, acknowledge it and move on, removing all awkwardness. she didn't, so she isn't trying to expand her social circle!

buckeejit · 25/06/2018 22:22

Supporting the op is one thing but acknowledging that someone is not necessarily a brazen hussy for offering a spare ticket. It smacks of yellow bird syndrome & the hysteria seemed to be gaining momentum. I've done just this a number of times with acquaintances , some of which are married men! I don't find it weird at all, but I would find it odd if their partner was frosty & acting off with me.

I'm not dismissing the vibes op is receiving & if I was her, I'd trust the vibes, but the rest of the story is just assuming the worst of someone, when it is potentially (& more than likely imo), just kindness, which we need more of. Suspicion is already in abundance!

ReadingRiot · 25/06/2018 22:28

She had a spare ticket, so probably someone had let her down. She offered it to someone she thought might enjoy the show, he didn't need it but was going anyway so at least there'd be someone she knew there.

How could she have thought it was a date, when she knew you were going?

I've been out with a man tonight Shock We invited others but they couldn't go. I promise you neither of us thought it was a date.

Original poster
poopsqueak · 25/06/2018 22:31

What is yellow bird syndrome? I've done some googling but can't find anything?

OP posts:
MummyMuppet2x2 · 25/06/2018 22:33

I'd be wary. Her behaviour does seem irregular at best.
Watch her. It may be nothing, but worth keeping an eye open....

SleepingStandingUp · 25/06/2018 22:35

Oooh maybe she really brought two to start with with the express intention of inviting the DH. I bet that was her plan. Woo him with her dancing and steak him away.
Def not try and recovery the cost / not waste a ticket she'd bought for someone else so she didn't have to go alone. Nooooo.

MrsGrindah · 25/06/2018 22:57

Ah, they are swingers! That explains it

MrsGrindah · 25/06/2018 22:57

Sorry couldn’t resist

buckeejit · 25/06/2018 23:01

Sorry-bit obscure reference maybe-yellow bird is from from the crucible. There is no bird but when one person says they see it with conviction, everyone else agrees & suddenly sees the non existent bird.

Whatever her motives, you know your dh is being open about her communications. Perhaps she directed conversation towards him as he seemed friendlier. Perhaps not. I just think she'd have to be two kinds of crazy to hold any hope of furthering a relationship with him, with or without you there.

HollowTalk · 25/06/2018 23:03

I love how she's a feminist and after asking your husband on a date, spends the night patronising you. WTF does she think feminism's all about, then?

cakedup · 25/06/2018 23:12

Nah sorry, no way would I invite a married man out, to a gig, just the two of us. I'd be inviting the wife as well, so "I have a spare ticket, if you and your wife would like to come you only need to get one ticket" type of thing. None of my friends would either. Yes, men and women can be friends but there have to be certain boundaries.

shinycat · 25/06/2018 23:16

Well dodgy.

What a sly cow. Hmm

shinycat · 25/06/2018 23:17

So yellow bird syndrome is the same as the emperor's new clothes?

SleepingStandingUp · 25/06/2018 23:22

Yes, men and women can be friends but there have to be certain boundaries.
Bot those boundaries for should be around fidelity not marriage.

My single male friend invited a married female friend to his home town for drinks and dinner, and all day thing, her catching last train home. Husband is not invited. Can he be trusted note because he's a man not a scarlet woman or are they secretly having an affair ??

blacksax · 25/06/2018 23:44

Oh your spidey senses are finely in tune OP - it seems to me that she might very well be a groupie.

DeckSofa · 26/06/2018 00:17

I haven't read any posts suggesting or implying all single women are untrustworthy or that men and women can't be friends.

I'm seeing people, including the OP obviously, who are uneasy about this situation and person, from the information given. It doesn't add up.

Leggylavender · 26/06/2018 02:06

The truth is that in the real life mostly everyone would feel like you do OP and her friends would totally understand. Mumsnet is a parallel universe.

Madeline18 · 26/06/2018 03:02

I think it really depends on if your spidey senses are going off, what you should think.

My ex had several good female friends and it didn’t bother me if he spent time with them just like I have male friends that I sometimes catch up with for a drink etc.

However my spider senses went off when a friend of one of his good female friend (she knew he had a partner and we had socialised together several times at events mutual friend had organised) asked him if he wanted to go to bar to watch a match with her. He asked me if I wanted to go too, I normally wouldn’t but this time said yes as something just seemed off to me and as soon as he replied saying we would both go, all of a sudden she wasn’t interested in attending...

PyongyangKipperbang · 26/06/2018 04:06

She derived her self-worth by "winning" men who were spoken for. It was just a massive ego thing for her and would often dump the men soon after they had left their partner and declared their undying love for her

I used to know someone exactly like this. She spent her 20's chasing after married men, the more taken the better and as soon as she "won" him, she would dump him and go after the next one. She would take great pleasure in out doing the wife in terms of dress/hair/make up when she knew they would be somewhere together. She would talk to us (knew her via work) about the "state" the wife was in, and how much better she looked, she would make sure she was wherever she knew the couple would be, looking stunning. So the idea of this woman doing that isnt outrageous to me and I would advise OP to trust her spidey sense on this one.

(I dont know where she is now, but the last I knew of her she had genuinely fallen in love. He left his wife, they got married and had twins. Then he had an affair and left her and the kids, as he had done with his first wife. I would like to say I felt sorry for her, but tbh I just felt that she got what she deserved.)

Barbaro · 26/06/2018 05:57

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LeighaJ · 26/06/2018 10:59

GinnyWreckin

I completely agree with your post.

I'd also like to add that the 'cool girl' doesn't exist outside of the movies so people should stop telling the OP to be one. Also the woman in question doesn't sound like she wants to just be friends.

SalemBlackCat · 26/06/2018 11:37

I think people are missing a fundamental point her. The girl seems hostile to the wife. She shut her down twice. And then ignored her and only spoke to the husband, despite poopsqueak making an effort to include her. The hostility is not coming from poopsqeak.
The woman;

A) offered a spare ticket to husband obviously hoping to be alone with him
B) shut down and ignored the wife, froze her out and paid attention only to the husband.

It is clear as day she is interested in him.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 26/06/2018 11:40

I think this sounds fine. Not weird at all.

SharpieHorder · 26/06/2018 11:56

It's a while ago now, but Linda McCartney always joined her DH on his tours, knowing how the groupie culture operated.

TuTru · 26/06/2018 11:59

Dunno if she thought it was a date, but I do think she is going to be a bit of a problem for you. Try and lose touch xx

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