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...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?
642

Legbreak · 21/06/2018 21:57

She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

OP's posts:
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speakout · 29/06/2018 11:14

I fail to see how making a distasteful gesture behind someone's back could be classed as fun.

Do you think if your child did that to a teacher at school and was spotted by the headteacher that gesture would be laughed off as "fun"?

Teaching your child to swear behind someone's back is neglectful- and likely to get that child into trouble in the future.

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YummySushi · 29/06/2018 11:59

Just because mumsnet is congested with women who can’t utter few words without swearing and saying the F word, doesn’t mean this is the “norm”. If those women were out together in a coffee shop, they wouldn’t be swearing as much. Because everyone knows it’s antisocial to be that sweary. Somehow the keyboard inspired a lot of women to let out some suppressed frustrations, and that’s why mumsnet makes it look like this is the “norm”.

But I would say, if those mums dealt with their frustration away from the keyboard swearing, they might have better things to say than the constant condescending things we see on mumsnet.

Part of me thinks that all the non - sweary Mums ho elsewhere because like nostaples, they end up being ganged up on by frustrated mums.

So therefore, swearing to me, is a sign that someone is out of control emotionally... not something I would like to pass on to my kids.

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MariaMadita · 29/06/2018 12:20

My own moral code is that there is right and there is wrong - not I am in the right as I'm not caught doing wrong.

It's not as black and white imo.(there's also the famous grey. Also, it really depends on the situation)

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KappaKappa · 29/06/2018 13:09

So therefore, swearing to me, is a sign that someone is out of control emotionally... not something I would like to pass on to my kids.
Oh to be so perfect Grin

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UserX · 29/06/2018 13:17

Oh to be so perfect grin

Not swearing at your child falls under lowest acceptable level parenting, not “perfect.” It’s actually not that difficult not to swear, if you manage at work & daily life, you can probably manage not to swear at your toddler. But I guess toddlers are an easy target.

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QueenPeeBeePee · 29/06/2018 13:52

But I would say, if those mums dealt with their frustration away from the keyboard swearing, they might have better things to say than the constant condescending things we see on mumsnet.

That's interesting - because I know who's been most condescending on this thread!!

Hint - It's the people with a stick up their arse.....

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QueenPeeBeePee · 29/06/2018 13:54

Anyway, off to the park to stick my fingers up at all & sundry.....

Grin

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BatShitBuns · 29/06/2018 13:58

I have not RTFT but assume the pearl clutchers were out in force.



YANBU btw.

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Bbbbbbbb2017 · 29/06/2018 13:59

I quite often mutter (you little sod) when the youngest lottle darling is indeed being a little sod. He has yet to hear me :D

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KappaKappa · 29/06/2018 14:18

Not swearing at your child falls under lowest acceptable level parenting, not “perfect.” It’s actually not that difficult not to swear, if you manage at work & daily life, you can probably manage not to swear at your toddler. But I guess toddlers are an easy target.

This is wonderfully over dramatic! Grin
Firstly, the post I was quoting was referring to swearing generally. Secondly, OP is not teaching her child terrible wicked swearing ways!
I sometimes swear under my breath in a work or daily life context. This does not make me out of control but it does make me a human being who gets frustrated. I’ve never sworn at somebody but doesn’t mean I don’t and can’t swear in other contexts.

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BatShitBuns · 29/06/2018 14:20

My parents always swore in front of us and yet I managed not to swear at school and also manage not to swear at work (except when my boss used to swear like a trooper and it was acceptable).

Don't understand people who get po-faced about swearing, it's only a bloody word.

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UserX · 29/06/2018 14:26

I’ve never sworn at somebody but doesn’t mean I don’t and can’t swear in other contexts.

Please check the thread title. The discussion is about swearing at your toddlers. I’m not po-faced about swearing but I don’t think it’s acceptable to swear at toddlers.

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KappaKappa · 29/06/2018 14:34

The discussion is about swearing at your toddlers.
This discussion about sticking up 2 fingers behind a toddler’s back not screaming and swearing in a toddler’s face.

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KappaKappa · 29/06/2018 14:36

Sticking up finger behind someone’s back doesn’t show that someone is emotionally out of control. That is over dramatic with an air of “I’m sanctimonious and clearly perfect”

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NotClear · 29/06/2018 14:56

Of course you're out of control if you do that.

If you can control yourself, go ahead and don't go sticking fingers up in secret at people when they're not looking. That's being in control. Being so irritated by them that you have to start gesticulating swearing to somehow release your frustration is not an act of control. It's an act out of control.

Don't try and paint it in a different colour. It is what it is. Might as well at least be honest about it.

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KappaKappa · 29/06/2018 16:42

It's an act out of control. Don't try and paint it in a different colour. It is what it is. Might as well at least be honest about it.
I completely disagree (and I say this as someone who hasn’t stuck my finger up at a toddler)

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SmileEachDay · 29/06/2018 16:53

Of course you're out of control if you do that

No, it isn’t.

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YummySushi · 29/06/2018 18:00

Sticking up finger behind someone’s back doesn’t show that someone is emotionally out of control. That is over dramatic with an air of “I’m sanctimonious and clearly perfect”

I honestly don’t understand on what basis do people think that if someone disagrees with an act that they do, it means that they’re claiming to be perfect.

To me, that also sounds like a camouflage for everything that doesn’t want to accept constructive ciritism... to me that really only sounds like you are the one that is insecure about ur imperfections. As I said, I’m more than happy to admit my flaws.

Worse even, this is constructive critisim on a thread for someone who is asking for constructive judgement/critism. The oversensitivity is a bit concerning

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KappaKappa · 29/06/2018 18:39

the oversensitivity is a bit concerning
What concerns you? I’d be interested to know.
I have plenty of imperfections which I’m well aware of. Incidentally I’ve never sworn at a toddler so my posts aren’t an attempt to defend myself. I just think OP is getting a hard time!

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YummySushi · 29/06/2018 18:46

kappa the op isn’t the one getting the hard time... the hard time is being given to those posters who are encouraging this behaviour and thinkng it’s funny..


Clearly the op wants to know the answer... so clearly people like me giving her their opinions should be expected.

so you say all this hostility is driven by compassion for OP?. Op u have my compassion, parenting is hard...


Moral of the story “ some of us, feel that even though parenting is hard and you must be doing your best... but it is better to avoid sticking fingers and resort to other means of destressing “.

Happy Kappa?!

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nostaples · 29/06/2018 19:38

'My own moral code is that there is right and there is wrong - not I am in the right as I'm not caught doing wrong.

You've obviously got far too much time to think about crap like this.

Maybe try being a little spontaneous & even (gasp) fun??'

If you think the idea of having a moral code is crap that doesn't speak very well of you. And once again, my family and I have loads of fun thanks. Our idea of fun would not be swearing at each other. In my view that is warped.

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nostaples · 29/06/2018 19:41

't's not as black and white imo.(there's also the famous grey. Also, it really depends on the situation)'

Nope, swearing at a toddler or child to make yourself feel better, whether it's behind their back or not, is wrong. Black and white.

Saying f off jokingly to an adult who understands it is a joke is clearly very different.

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MariaMadita · 29/06/2018 19:46

no

"whether it's behind their back or not, is wrong." In your opinion.

Anyhow. Whether you mentally swear or do it verbally behind someone's back... It's pretty much the same imo. (As long as the others person doesn't hear it.)

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nostaples · 29/06/2018 19:46

Just to be clear, I've never said I'm a perfect parent but even though I deal with unbelievably difficult children almost every day including many with all sorts of SN, I have never in my life sworn at one of them, not to their face, not behind their back, not under my breath.

And more importantly, as others have said, if I had done something crap as a parent I would not be boasting about it as something funny. I see the consequences of all sorts of crap parenting every day, it's really not funny.

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nostaples · 29/06/2018 19:47

Right, Maria, so if your husband has an affair 'behind your back' that's OK then?

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