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...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?
642

Legbreak · 21/06/2018 21:57

She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

OP's posts:
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NakedBanana · 22/05/2021 00:52

Just be careful if they have a sibling and they catch you doing it! Which may happen. If you do it. Which I don't!!

Why would I do it with 2 fucking know it all teenagers in the house ;)

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BeeCool · 21/05/2021 20:47

I often roll my eyes and mutter "ffs" and my dc aren't even toddlers!

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KappaKappa · 29/06/2018 21:38

Happy Kappa?!

Thrilled Smile

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EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 29/06/2018 21:27

It is Shockers

But apparently comparable to having an affair you know becuase it’s done behind someone’s back Confused

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EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 29/06/2018 21:23

Grin I meant at me

Not at my behind Blush

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EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 29/06/2018 21:22

nostaples I am not naive enough to think that no one has stuck their finger up at my behind my back

I’m sure it’s happened on quite a few occasions

It’s not something I dwell on as I know at times I may annoy others

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Shockers · 29/06/2018 20:56

I thought the point of the action was that it was done in private to relieve frustration, rather than to humiliate or get a laugh in public.

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speakout · 29/06/2018 20:45

So if you were at a party and turned around to see your OH giving you the middle finger behind your back while some of other guests were seeing the "funny" side that would be fine?

If you think that is OK then you have some serious self esteem issues.

Because many of the guests would be cringing in their shoes wondering why you put up with such abuse.

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merlotmummy14 · 29/06/2018 20:27

Confession: have a 3 month old and when she cries while I'm changing her I say in the most soothing loving baby-ish tone of voice "if you think there's no orphanage out there who won't take You, you're wrong! Yes, you are!" My voice calms her down enough to stop crying (sometimes she even laughs at me) and she doesn't know what I'm actually saying (I hope)

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MariaMadita · 29/06/2018 20:25

No, I wouldn't.

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Shockers · 29/06/2018 20:23

If it was done with humour, it wouldn’t bother me from someone who loves me.

We’re all different.

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SmileEachDay · 29/06/2018 20:20

no

I wouldn’t. Because we aren’t talking about an act of extreme aggression. In fact, I’m pretty sure my sister, or my bff have done exactly that.

You are failing to understand what is being communicated- it’s a good humoured eye rolling kind of thing. But you’re completely entrenched in your black af white position. That’s ok though. You’re entitled to your view, your perspective.

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nostaples · 29/06/2018 20:15

I suspect some of you have so dug yourselves into the argument that you're unwilling to admit you'd be pretty upset if you turned round to find your husband or your mother giving you the finger to make himself feel better.

Most people would be upset by this.

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SmileEachDay · 29/06/2018 20:06

Quite honestly, I wouldn’t care about someone swearing behind my back. ESP not in the pretty good humoured way we are talking about here.

But we’re back to nuance again, and we’ve established that you’re not a fan, no.

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MariaMadita · 29/06/2018 20:03

I see what point you're trying to make, yes.

But you're unfortunately comparing two different things ("apples and oranges").

That's like asking whether I'd be ok with my husband murdering kittens behind my back (seeing as I wouldn't be too bothered by him mentally or silently swearing behient my back every once in a while.)

You would never use that line about any other wrong done to YOU

I would use that line if we were talking about someone swearing behind my back.

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nostaples · 29/06/2018 19:52

Maria, surely you can see that's not the point. Just because it's behind somebody's back does not mean it's OK. To many that's worse because you're being deceitful.

You would never use that line about any other wrong done to YOU so why is OK to take this attitude to a vulnerable person for whom you have responsibility, and supposedly, love and care.

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MariaMadita · 29/06/2018 19:49

no

Interesting comparison.

Is swearing comparable to breaking our wedding vows (and probably putting me and the LO at risk for STDS) in your opinion?

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nostaples · 29/06/2018 19:47

Right, Maria, so if your husband has an affair 'behind your back' that's OK then?

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nostaples · 29/06/2018 19:46

Just to be clear, I've never said I'm a perfect parent but even though I deal with unbelievably difficult children almost every day including many with all sorts of SN, I have never in my life sworn at one of them, not to their face, not behind their back, not under my breath.

And more importantly, as others have said, if I had done something crap as a parent I would not be boasting about it as something funny. I see the consequences of all sorts of crap parenting every day, it's really not funny.

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MariaMadita · 29/06/2018 19:46

no

"whether it's behind their back or not, is wrong." In your opinion.

Anyhow. Whether you mentally swear or do it verbally behind someone's back... It's pretty much the same imo. (As long as the others person doesn't hear it.)

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nostaples · 29/06/2018 19:41

't's not as black and white imo.(there's also the famous grey. Also, it really depends on the situation)'

Nope, swearing at a toddler or child to make yourself feel better, whether it's behind their back or not, is wrong. Black and white.

Saying f off jokingly to an adult who understands it is a joke is clearly very different.

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nostaples · 29/06/2018 19:38

'My own moral code is that there is right and there is wrong - not I am in the right as I'm not caught doing wrong.

You've obviously got far too much time to think about crap like this.

Maybe try being a little spontaneous & even (gasp) fun??'

If you think the idea of having a moral code is crap that doesn't speak very well of you. And once again, my family and I have loads of fun thanks. Our idea of fun would not be swearing at each other. In my view that is warped.

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YummySushi · 29/06/2018 18:46

kappa the op isn’t the one getting the hard time... the hard time is being given to those posters who are encouraging this behaviour and thinkng it’s funny..


Clearly the op wants to know the answer... so clearly people like me giving her their opinions should be expected.

so you say all this hostility is driven by compassion for OP?. Op u have my compassion, parenting is hard...


Moral of the story “ some of us, feel that even though parenting is hard and you must be doing your best... but it is better to avoid sticking fingers and resort to other means of destressing “.

Happy Kappa?!

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KappaKappa · 29/06/2018 18:39

the oversensitivity is a bit concerning
What concerns you? I’d be interested to know.
I have plenty of imperfections which I’m well aware of. Incidentally I’ve never sworn at a toddler so my posts aren’t an attempt to defend myself. I just think OP is getting a hard time!

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YummySushi · 29/06/2018 18:00

Sticking up finger behind someone’s back doesn’t show that someone is emotionally out of control. That is over dramatic with an air of “I’m sanctimonious and clearly perfect”

I honestly don’t understand on what basis do people think that if someone disagrees with an act that they do, it means that they’re claiming to be perfect.

To me, that also sounds like a camouflage for everything that doesn’t want to accept constructive ciritism... to me that really only sounds like you are the one that is insecure about ur imperfections. As I said, I’m more than happy to admit my flaws.

Worse even, this is constructive critisim on a thread for someone who is asking for constructive judgement/critism. The oversensitivity is a bit concerning

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