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...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?
642

Legbreak · 21/06/2018 21:57

She definitely doesn’t see and it makes me feel better and is always at home, not out and about etc. My DSis thinks it’s appalling.

OP's posts:
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nostaples · 27/06/2018 21:36

Gunpowder in many people's views, in conventional society, 'releasing a bit of tension' by swearing at a toddler is not OK.

If grown-up people can't find other ways of releasing tension I seriously think they need some sort of help.

Can you imagine if ANYBODY else in any other situation 'released tension' by swearing at anybody let alone a vulnerable person, a child, so why is it ok for an adult in a position of power, authority and responsibility to do it to a child?

Oh, I'm feeling a bit tense in this bus queue so I'll just swear behind the back of the pensioner in front of me. In what world would that be OK? So why on earth is it OK to do it to a toddler?

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GunpowderGelatine · 27/06/2018 21:38

Gunpowder, personally I don't even think fuck off to my children. It's just not how I think of them or how I think.

Aw bbz how sweet, #mummygoals.

Well I do think fuck off to mine (but I'm quite a sweary person anyway, and I have to think it is I don't actually swear around my kids).

But do you really need somebody to explain to you why your thoughts are different from what you actually do/ say? Come on!

Well, you think doing something where people can't see is exactly the same as doing it if they can see, so why is thinking it different? Again, the children are unaware, so even though they're unaware, you think it still has a detrimental affect on them?

Is it OK for me to have an affair behind my husband's back as long as he never knows??

What's with some of you people? Do you have no moral code whatsoever?

Who are you talking to with the last bit Confused

Stop making daft comparisons. A short mini outburst that no one will ever know about is not the same as having an affair FFS

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GunpowderGelatine · 27/06/2018 21:39

Gunpowder in many people's views, in conventional society, 'releasing a bit of tension' by swearing at a toddler is not OK

No one is swearing at a toddler.

How many times!

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nostaples · 27/06/2018 21:39

Enthusiasm, of course it is different being a parent and a teacher, but it is ALWAYS wrong to swear at a young person in my view.

I would expect most parents to treat their children BETTER than their teachers would, not worse.

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EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 27/06/2018 21:41

nostaples you really are coming across as ridiculously sanctimonious

No one is saying above actions should be in a manual on how to parent perfectly but thankfully most on here recognize that at times they may do this and being the perfect loving ideal patient enthusiastic parent isn’t possoble for us all the time

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nostaples · 27/06/2018 21:42

Gunpowder, wake up, the OP gives her toddler the finger.

The fact that it is behind her back is a moot point. As it would be if I had an affair behind my husband's back.

By the way she gives her toddler the finger to make herself feel better and not to 'release tension', not that that would be much better.

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EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 27/06/2018 21:43

No one is swearing directly at their child

As you know

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nostaples · 27/06/2018 21:43

Enthusiasm, the parenting continuum from perfect to swearing at a toddler is a long one.

Just because most parents would not swear at their children does not mean they are saying they are perfect.

You might like to ask yourself why you THINK this is what they are saying.

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GunpowderGelatine · 27/06/2018 21:43

No. One. Is. Swearing. At. A. Toddler 🤦🏼‍♀️

I'm half expecting the next post to be "if I MURDERED someone and know one ever found out would that be OK!!!"

...to sometimes give toddler DD the finger behind her back?
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GunpowderGelatine · 27/06/2018 21:45

nostaples, the OP doesn't sweat at her toddler, she's swears about her toddler. It's different for reasons already explained

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nostaples · 27/06/2018 21:48

'No one is swearing directly at their child'

The parent stuck her finger up at her child.

I'm just not sure how you can say that isn't swearing at her.

In your world if somebody can't see what you're doing then they're not doing it?

So, it really is OK for me to have an affair 'behind my husband's back' as it won't affect him?

Sheesh!

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nostaples · 27/06/2018 21:49

And there are other posters saying they directly swear at their kids e.g. one called her son a 'dick'.

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EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 27/06/2018 21:51

Oh no Shock

Well lets hope she rushed her child off to therapy that’s if social services are not involved

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missmorleyme · 27/06/2018 21:58

Some people are so precious. I definitely put my fingers up to my dc behind their backs, especially when they have been horrors all day. I'm not swearing at them and it doesn't translate into swearing either, so long as the dc are oblivious to it.

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nostaples · 27/06/2018 22:03

Children and adults will find it easier to get on in the world if they can articulate their feelings without insulting others or swearing. You can trivialise the issue if you like but I'm sure we all know how hurtful it can be to be on the receiving end of offensive language.

At DH's EBD school the kids swear all the time because many of them they have few boundaries, have had poor parenting, a lack of self-control and find it very hard to articulate or even identify their feelings. Many also struggle with empathy or have attachment issues so they would not necessarily understand how they are coming across as hurtful or care.

If you swear at your children to hurt them, that's reprehensible, swearing at them to make yourself feel better likewise, swearing at them because you think it's funny and so do they is not helpful for them in terms of helping them fit in with social expectations, with what is polite and respectful in society.

You can say or think that your children will know when it is and isn't appropriate but many don't and they will copy their parents' mode.

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nostaples · 27/06/2018 22:04

missmorley, do you also subscribe to the idea that it's OK to have an affair as long as your husband is oblivious?

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UserX · 27/06/2018 22:05

Of course it's not. Do you think if you bitched behind someone's back for example (which I'm sure you don't being perfect and all) it's the same as saying it to their face? No. Because they are not affected, they don't know what you've said, it has no emotional affect on them [disclaimer: not advocating bitching, it's an analogy]

WOW. Just WOW.

Also, what part of “give toddler DD the finger” do you not understand? It says it IN THE THREAD TITLE. The OP is literally swearing at her toddler. It is mean spirited and juvenile.

FWIW I don’t think “fuck off” to my children either, or to anyone else I care about. #lowestacceptablelevel

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UserX · 27/06/2018 22:08

nostaples if I were you I’d leave it. You’re never going to convince these people, all you can do is hope that none of their children turn up in your class.

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SmileEachDay · 27/06/2018 22:12

all you can do is hope that none of their children turn up in your class

Dunno why nostaples wouldn’t want my DC in her class - I mean, he’d rather be playing in a river or climbing a tree or getting really muddy than writing, but he adores reading and is ALL ABOUT THE SCIENCE!

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GunpowderGelatine · 27/06/2018 22:18

What are yo WOWing at UserX I'm confused? #soconfused #whyweusinghashtagsonmumsnet

nostaples if I were you I’d leave it. You’re never going to convince these people, all you can do is hope that none of their children turn up in your class.

🤣🤣🤣🤣 that's the most twee insult I've ever read here

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SmileEachDay · 27/06/2018 22:21

Gun
#becauseitmakesanonesensicaljudgeyputdowncool

Grin

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GunpowderGelatine · 27/06/2018 22:27

And there are other posters saying they directly swear at their kids e.g. one called her son a 'dick'

One thing I've come across on MN, and on a few occasions IRL is that some people are always so offended or so horrified by any swearing in any context. Which is odd to me as, like I said before, I'm a sweary person (away from kids/in my head). I love a good swear and think it's good for the soul! I also think it's not about the word itself, but the sentiment behind it.

Example:

Playful banter with a teen son who shares your humour, calling him a dick is something you'll both laugh at (as the poster in question stated they did)

Calling a child a dick in a snappy way because they've spilled orange juice and you've just about had enough of their clumsiness, is very different.

Similarly if my DH is winding me up or poking fun at me, I might say "oh shut up you daft twat" playfully. No harm done.

Calling him a twat in an argument to purposefully hurt him, is different

Shouting "fuck off" to a toddlers face because you can't keep your temper is not acceptable.

Waiting until their back is turned and doing a quick v-sign because it makes you feel better for a moment, where NO ONE will see - no harm done.

I always thought his was universally understood about the nature of swearing but I have found that some people ALWAYS think the sentiment is offensive and insulting, they can't read the context whatsoever. I have very little time for people this stupid. I also have very little time for people who compare a muttered swear word- that no one else has heard, will ever hear, will not have consequences dragging on for weeks/months/year's and will not potentially cause a great deal of pain and split up a family - to having an affair FFS.

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UserX · 27/06/2018 22:28

Gunpowder you started the hashtags-do you not even read your own posts? #itsliketryingtoarguewithatrumpsupporter #orabrexiter

I was WOWing at the idea that bitching behind someone’s back is ok, just because they’ll never know. Shows what kind of person you are. I guess I really shouldn’t be surprised— if you think swearing at toddlers is acceptable, anything goes.

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SmileEachDay · 27/06/2018 22:32

I can’t vouch for the peer reviewed studies referenced in this, but I mentioned the nuance of language earlier...

Sweary people cleverer, says science

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GunpowderGelatine · 27/06/2018 22:35

I was WOWing at the idea that bitching behind someone’s back is ok, just because they’ll never know.

🤦🏼‍♀️

Jesus wept. Do you only read half the posts?

I specifically said it isn't ok to bitch, but his was the best analogy I could think of (better than an affair one anyway).

With that in mind, do you agree the person being bitched about feels less hurt and pain if they never find out about what was said about them, than if they did?

PS my hashtag was being ironic, the humour clearly bypassed you

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