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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dear SAHMs

198 replies

Figuringitout · 16/06/2018 22:48

AIBU to ask you how you feel about this division of labour:
For context, kids are 6 and 3.
Working parent works full time - busy / stressful job which involves work in evenings and weekends and has much less 'free' time than SAHP. Working parent does all night wakings and early mornings (as they are up for work) plus most weekends. WP does all laundry, manages all bills and general organising e.g payment/equipment for clubs, birthday party buying etc. WP also does food shopping/meal planning.
SAHP does majority of tidying, all school runs, hoovering, gardening, cooking and cleaning up
Jobs like cleaning bathroom, loading dishwasher, general tidying are shared.
Does this sound fair?

OP posts:
Fruitcorner123 · 16/06/2018 22:50

we need to know how many children thare are and what their ages are.

MagicalMysteryTourer · 16/06/2018 22:51

SAHP sounds like they have a fucking easy ride!!!!

MagicalMysteryTourer · 16/06/2018 22:51

@Fruitcorner123
It says

AlpacaHat · 16/06/2018 22:51

Fruitcorner123 - read the second line of the OP

Jammycustard · 16/06/2018 22:52

Night wakings and mornings should be shared at least.
Sahp needs to do more cleaning and possibly more admin.

Punder · 16/06/2018 22:52

we need to know how many children thare are and what their ages are.

It's actually in the very beginning of the OP. Did you just read the title?

FusionChefGeoff · 16/06/2018 22:52

So WP does all the thinking basically.

I'm not taking too much of a leap here to guess that WP is female??

gamerwidow · 16/06/2018 22:53

Fruitcorner the very second line says their are 2 kids 6 and 3
OP I think your set up sounds very fair are you happy with it if not which bit is contentious and can it be outsourced.

NapQueen · 16/06/2018 22:54

Does SAHP or dc have any additional needs?

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 16/06/2018 22:54

But do the children still wake a lot at night? My eldest is 3 and if one of us was in charge of night wakings for her alone we’d be a bit redundant! Ditto the very early mornings. We all get up at 6.30-7 here.

I don’t think the sahp is necessarily getting an easy ride. Depends on this^^.

Eliza9917 · 16/06/2018 22:55

I think the sahp needs to be doing more, especially nights & mornings.

Strawberrybelly · 16/06/2018 22:55

Yeah that's not fair at all. The SAHP has a much easier ride than the WOHP especially considering one child is in school all day.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea · 16/06/2018 22:56

Why are 6 and 3 year olds waking in the night?

Fruitcorner123 · 16/06/2018 22:56

Grin ooops sorry I missed that.

SAHP should be responsible for a bit more IMO. I am surprised the WP doesnt get one of the lie-ins. If the 3 year old is at home full time then they shouldn't be responsible for loads of the housework as they have a child to care fornbut if the 3 year old is at pre school/nursery then they should do more.

fascinated · 16/06/2018 22:56

Sahp should do a lot more

MagicalMysteryTourer · 16/06/2018 22:56

"SAHP does majority of tidying, all school runs, hoovering, gardening, cooking and cleaning up"

Tidying and cleaning up are the same
Gardening happens what, weekly? And is a pretty chilled non essential.
So basically all the sahp does is school runs, hoovering, cooking and tidying? Really unfair division. If i were the working one i would be really pissed off

tenbob · 16/06/2018 22:56

SAHP isn't doing anything close to a fair share

Singlebutmarried · 16/06/2018 22:57

Sheesh.

I think the SAHM is having an easy ride.

If you are a SAHM, that is what you are. Not a ‘Oh I’ll just get up once DP has gone to work and has sorted the kids out and got up in the night so I can sleep’.

You’re staying at home. So you take on the role of child care through the week, and at 3 and 6 they’ll be out for a reasonable amount of time at nursery/school.

This man is a fucking saint.

Summerthunder · 16/06/2018 22:57

WP sounds like they have too much on their plate but it’s hard to know as ‘gardening’ can take hours or be very light work depending on the garden size and style. I’d expect the SAHP to do most of the night wakes but if it’s every night they will need some nights off with WP covering (maybe at the weekends).

How does it feel? Do you feel like you are both working equally? R there any reasons why it might be hard for SAHP to get things done with the kids around?

Strawberrybelly · 16/06/2018 22:57

I will also hazard a guess that the WOHP is a woman because they are also doing all the wife work.

LadyOdd · 16/06/2018 22:57

I think it’s fair especially with a 2 year old who needs supervision. Although SAHP would be kind to do more of the night wakings as WP has to be up early and STAHP could do a little more of the busy work like meal planning.

troodiedoo · 16/06/2018 22:57

Guessing you are the working parent OP? I'd be interested to hear the other side. But if you feel it's not a fair division then you need to discuss it.

Original poster
Figuringitout · 16/06/2018 22:58

3 year old wakes pretty much at least once a night - but often a quick settle.
No additional needs

OP posts:
Musicalstatues · 16/06/2018 22:58

Wow! I’m a sahm with kids the same age and the only thing I don’t do in that list is the gardening!! Dh does less hours than the wp in the op from the sound of things but he would think I was taking the piss if I expected him to do that much when I was at home all day.
I too would probably assume that the wp is female here.

LadyOdd · 16/06/2018 22:59

And dishes, ordering food online