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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the bride if I’m invited to her wedding?

393 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 08/06/2018 13:29

I know this would sound entitled as the only wedding I have to be obviously is mine but my work colleague is getting married. We are a team of 4 people and we are quite close at work, we chat, etc and I drop her off on Fridays as well when she’s going to her parents as it’s not just on my way ( she does not drive and stays with her fiancé the other days). We’ve literally talked about it this wedding since she got engaged last year. I even once followed her to the wedding venue. We go for lunch together, meal out, etc like I thought we were close.
Basically, 2 weeks ago, she gave the other 2 people in the team an invitation card to the wedding, I was there but she didn’t give me one. I still dropped her off last Friday as well and we have had lunch together almost every day this and last week and still no invitation card for me.
The other ladies have been checking for dresses online that they’ll wear but I can’t really.
Could I ask if I’m invited to the wedding or can I be invited and not have a card? I know you ladies will be honest and that’s why I’m asking as i’ll be dropping her off today and I’m sure we’ll talk about the wedding. Am I just been silly?

OP posts:
ememem84 · 08/06/2018 13:31

Don’t ask!

Shadow666 · 08/06/2018 13:31

Wow! I don't think you should ask her and I wouldn't be dropping her off either. She's been using you. Not nice.

Smidge001 · 08/06/2018 13:31

That is really weird OP.
I think you'd better ask really. Probably would have been easier to do when she handed the cards to the other two "Where's mine?!" with a cheeky grin... But too late for that now. Just take the plunge and ask if you're invited too.

Skarossinkplunger · 08/06/2018 13:31

If you don’t have an invitation you’re not invited.

rookiemere · 08/06/2018 13:32

Sod etiquette - I'd ask her and put her on the spot. If she's invited your work colleagues and not you then she's a cheeky bizom after all you've done for her.

PinkHeart5914 · 08/06/2018 13:32

She didn’t give you an invite so isn’t it obvious you aren't invited? Take the hint

helpconfused · 08/06/2018 13:32

Why did you follow her to the venue?

therockinggazelle · 08/06/2018 13:32

Ouch. No don't ask and stop giving her lifts!

moreismore · 08/06/2018 13:34

I would start talking about the outfit you’ve bought for her wedding and wait and see what she does... Grin

HollowTalk · 08/06/2018 13:34

Could one of the others ask her and tell you what she says? It would be very unfair of her to ask two out of the three of you.

Frankly, if she doesn't invite you, I would stop the lifts pronto. I'd feel I'd been used.

BuntyII · 08/06/2018 13:35

I would say something like, oh what time is the wedding maybe I'll stand outside the church to see you come out. Then she'll either say why you are invited, or it's at 1pm then you know you aren't Confused

MarcelMarceau · 08/06/2018 13:35

I'd die from curiosity if I didn't ask. Oy oy where is my invite??

Bourdic · 08/06/2018 13:35

Yes ask her - given the situation you’ve outlined she should have thought about how to handle not inviting you. She’s a grown up being thoughtless, call her out on it and ditch the lift

Aprilshouldhavebeenmyname · 08/06/2018 13:35

If you aren't invited I would invoice her for every
single
lift.....

therockinggazelle · 08/06/2018 13:36

Dont ask to stand outside the church! That's humiliating

NotAnotherUserName5 · 08/06/2018 13:37

You followed her to the venue, as in stalked her or came with her op?

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 08/06/2018 13:37

She handed the other two their invitations right in front of you but didn’t give you one?

Yeah... sorry but I don’t think you’re invited Sad

JustGettingStarted · 08/06/2018 13:37

You're not being silly to be confused. Considering how much time you spend together and the amount of involvement you've had in the planning process, it's definitely odd that she hasn't invited you, yet has invited two other colleagues.

As for whether you should ask... That's tricky. I think you should assume that you are not invited and then proceed on that basis.

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/06/2018 13:37

Can you elaborate on you following her to the wedding venue?!

SparklySeashell · 08/06/2018 13:37

Now usually I'd be in the camp of 'of course you can't bloody ask!' but I do think that this one is a bit different and you're going to have to...

LilacIris · 08/06/2018 13:38

Oh OP, I wouldn’t ask and I don’t think you are invited. She sounds horribly rude to have given out invites in front of you considering all you two do together when you are not included.

PandaPieForTea · 08/06/2018 13:38

Ask - you need to know where you stand.

CocoAndTheChocolates · 08/06/2018 13:38

You're obviously not invited and should simply ask why not?

littlemisscomper · 08/06/2018 13:39

Just ask one of your other colleagues to casually check with her if you're invited and let you know.

rainbowstardrops · 08/06/2018 13:40

Are you close enough to either of the other two ladies so that one of them could mention in passing to her asking why you haven't been invited?

Totally shoddy to invite 2 out of 3 I'd say - especially as she's still cadging lifts from you!!!