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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the bride if I’m invited to her wedding?

393 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 08/06/2018 13:29

I know this would sound entitled as the only wedding I have to be obviously is mine but my work colleague is getting married. We are a team of 4 people and we are quite close at work, we chat, etc and I drop her off on Fridays as well when she’s going to her parents as it’s not just on my way ( she does not drive and stays with her fiancé the other days). We’ve literally talked about it this wedding since she got engaged last year. I even once followed her to the wedding venue. We go for lunch together, meal out, etc like I thought we were close.
Basically, 2 weeks ago, she gave the other 2 people in the team an invitation card to the wedding, I was there but she didn’t give me one. I still dropped her off last Friday as well and we have had lunch together almost every day this and last week and still no invitation card for me.
The other ladies have been checking for dresses online that they’ll wear but I can’t really.
Could I ask if I’m invited to the wedding or can I be invited and not have a card? I know you ladies will be honest and that’s why I’m asking as i’ll be dropping her off today and I’m sure we’ll talk about the wedding. Am I just been silly?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 08/06/2018 20:45

Glad you asked. It does sounds strange and not something I’d do personally. But we are all different and she replied without missing a beat so I would imagine she was probably telling the truth. Don’t assume your colleagues spoke to her. Besides, you can tell them on Monday it was a misunderstanding and if one of them blurts something out, you’ll know it wasn’t.

bearbehind · 08/06/2018 20:46

There's a difference between being cynical and being realistic.

There's nothing to suggest the OP is best mates with the bride.

There's a group of 3 colleagues, 2 got invitations and 1 didn't.

It's much less of a stretch to think the 3rd wasn't originally invited than it is to assume they didn't need an inviatation to know they were invited.

ChikiTIKI · 08/06/2018 20:48

I feel awful about what I suggested now. How can I say I'm a nice person when I assume other people are not?

Glad it worked out for you OP.

eats humble pie

Ifonlyfor1day · 08/06/2018 21:00

Great update, start dress shopping. I would have been very confused too x

Gabilan · 08/06/2018 21:04

Sounds like pure baloney to me...

Sounds odd to me. My bet would be that someone else at work had a quiet word with her and pointed out how bad it looked.

Aridane · 08/06/2018 21:07

Glad you asked

RyvitaBrevis · 08/06/2018 21:09

Hooray! Phew! It is strange that she didn't say, "I'm out of paper invitations, OP, I'm afraid yours will have to be verbal," but never mind.

Motoko · 08/06/2018 21:21

But OP said in her first post that she and the bride were close, that they have lunch together as well as meals out. The other women don't have such a close relationship with the bride, which even they mentioned.

So, it would be wrong to assume that OP wasn't invited, when the other two were.

MrsHathaway · 08/06/2018 21:57

If the bride was short of physical cards then she'd not have sent them to close family.

I don't know - close family are more likely to want to keep them as a memento, whereas friends will eventually recycle them. We made sure my parents had one to keep, even though they were the hosts so it was from them and we weren't inviting them as such.

But if you did decide not to send someone a paper invitation (and I can see the logic of not formally inviting your best man etc) you'd surely drop them a text or email with the details?

SpandexTutu · 08/06/2018 22:08

Great outcome. Well managed!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 08/06/2018 22:56

Glad you asked her and got the answer you wanted. I had an awkward situation this year when I admired an invitation on a friend’s noticeboard and she said it was to a mutual friend’s wedding. I didn’t get one. Weeks later the bride chased me for an rsvp and said she’d sent one and it must have been lost in the post.

user7469322 · 08/06/2018 23:29

@Juells
@HollowTalk

This post perhaps?

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3242116-only-1-not-invited-to-wedding

lisasimpsonssaxophone · 09/06/2018 01:05

It does sound like these were probably save-the-date cards rather than invitations. Is that right?

Would have been much easier if she’d just explained at the time when she handed the others theirs, but no harm done I suppose!

Lizzie48 · 09/06/2018 01:43

I'm glad it's been sorted, good thing you asked her.

icelollycraving · 09/06/2018 07:05

Glad you have it all sorted. It sounds a massive wedding! If someone can afford that size wedding, surely they can afford enough invitations.
Enjoy dress shopping Smile

burnoutbabe · 09/06/2018 07:09

It does sound like just a save the date.
Surely no one skips the actual invites as that had all the detail of timings?
And how would you know if invite was for you or you/other half or kids as well? And who was rsvping and their food choices?
This only makes sense if it's a save the date that wasn't given out.

ferrier · 09/06/2018 07:17

Some people really do like to think the worst of people they've never met.

Bride may well have loads of family but not a lot of close family so op is closer and much more involved than the majority of bride's family or friends. Op didn't have a gut feeling that she wasn't invited. She was totally perplexed and dismayed by it. I'd suggest that the relationship is exactly as she thought it was, or even that the bride thinks rather more of op than op realised.

Petalflowers · 09/06/2018 07:27

Wow, thank you for the posters who asked and replied about placemarking. I always assumed people placemarked so,the thread would appear on their own list,and so they knew how far down they had read. Didn’t know you could actually bookmark a thread.

SoupDragon · 09/06/2018 07:36

Didn’t know you could actually bookmark a thread.

You can’t if you are usingMN Classic View.

flumpybear · 09/06/2018 07:43

Glad you're United - but strange she'd not made it clear - very strange !!

AlbertaSimmons · 09/06/2018 07:49

Absolutely brilliant save from the bride-to-be. Quick-thinking, positive, saved the day, well done her. Obviously OP wasn't invited. Not enough printed invitations my arse. Hmm

Puremince · 09/06/2018 07:52

When we chased up someone who hadn't RSVPd to our wedding invite we found out that her invite hadn't arrived, and she'd been upset and wondering why she wasn't invited. Apparently she'd cried herself to sleep when she realised everyone else had got their invites.

Weirdly her invite turned up much later, with a clear postmark showing it had been posted at the same time as everyone else's.

AndInOtherNews · 09/06/2018 07:59

I would have to ask, awkward situation either way but if you don't ask you'll never know!

AndInOtherNews · 09/06/2018 08:02

First time ever I didn't read right to the end! Happy ending then OP.

extinctspecies · 09/06/2018 09:18

Pleased for you OP and glad I was wrong.

It's very odd though, I've never heard of anyone not giving everyone an invitation to a wedding. Strange etiquette.