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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the bride if I’m invited to her wedding?

393 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 08/06/2018 13:29

I know this would sound entitled as the only wedding I have to be obviously is mine but my work colleague is getting married. We are a team of 4 people and we are quite close at work, we chat, etc and I drop her off on Fridays as well when she’s going to her parents as it’s not just on my way ( she does not drive and stays with her fiancé the other days). We’ve literally talked about it this wedding since she got engaged last year. I even once followed her to the wedding venue. We go for lunch together, meal out, etc like I thought we were close.
Basically, 2 weeks ago, she gave the other 2 people in the team an invitation card to the wedding, I was there but she didn’t give me one. I still dropped her off last Friday as well and we have had lunch together almost every day this and last week and still no invitation card for me.
The other ladies have been checking for dresses online that they’ll wear but I can’t really.
Could I ask if I’m invited to the wedding or can I be invited and not have a card? I know you ladies will be honest and that’s why I’m asking as i’ll be dropping her off today and I’m sure we’ll talk about the wedding. Am I just been silly?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tohaveandtohold · 08/06/2018 13:40

It was on a Friday that I drop her off normally, she asked if I could take her there first before going home.

OP posts:
Forumqueen · 08/06/2018 13:40

A similar thing happened to me with a good friend where she had invited one of our mutanl friends and not me. It really hurt at the time I was going to ask her why wasn’t I invited but hubby persuaded me not to. Instead I just asked her how wedding plans were coming along and gave her some advice on Her planning she then sent me and invite and funny enough I didn’t want to go after that, it’s not nice when some one you consider a friend doesn’t invite you to their wedding but if she doesn’t want you there it’s her loss...

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 08/06/2018 13:41

I'd ask her, actually. It's so rude in this situation that I'd either a) think it was an oversight or b) think she's a total dick who needs to be put on the spot.

stripesandsilver · 08/06/2018 13:41

I say ask her.

DingDongDenny · 08/06/2018 13:42

People are weird about weddings sometimes, like brides are flameproof and can act like dicks with nobody mentioning it in case they get upset

In any other social situation if someone acted like this the advice would be to call them out on it

I don't think it's any different here

Shadow666 · 08/06/2018 13:42

The sensible side of me says take her aside and ask her. If she says no, then tell her you are disappointed and feel a bit used so won't be giving her lifts anymore.

In reality, I'd just silently seethe and make an excuse not to help her anymore.

Rachel0Greep · 08/06/2018 13:42

I was once in a situation where others were discussing the invitations they had received from a colleague. I hadn't received one but it turned out to have been delivered to the landlord, who lived downstairs.

I dunno, OP, what I would do in your situation. I think I would say, next time she mentions it, 'I take it I'm not invited?'

Iamagreyhoundhearmeroar · 08/06/2018 13:42

So you drove her to the venue at her request, not “followed” her? Confused

allthgoodusernamesaretaken · 08/06/2018 13:43

Deep down I think you know you're not invited. It's unkind, but you have to accept it, I think

RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb · 08/06/2018 13:44

Yes, I’m also confused by the “followed”. Assume you mean you drove her there.

I’d say sod etiquette and ask too. It does sound a bit strange that she hasn’t invited you based on how close you sound.

MintyChops · 08/06/2018 13:44

Ask one of the colleagues to find out, very casually.....

Strax · 08/06/2018 13:44

Please ask! We my DH genuinely forgot to invite one of his old friends to our wedding. He was invited to the stag do but somehow got missed off the wedding invite list. We only realised afterwards and were absolutely mortified. I wish he'd mentioned it beforehand!

ThatsWotSheSaid · 08/06/2018 13:44

Are the others invited to the whole thing?
Is she closer to the two she’s invited?

Crunchymum · 08/06/2018 13:45

If you spend that much time together then just ask.

Although I'm sensing this is a very unequal and one sided relationship (and you OP are the one who does all the giving?)

NotAnotherUserName5 · 08/06/2018 13:45

So she asked you to drive her to this wedding venue, but leaves you out and invites the rest of your team right in front of you?

No one said anything? Surely you were all thinking it was odd?

And the other two are seemingly rubbing your face in it by talking about shopping for dresses.

Sorry OP-these don't sound nice people Sad

HollowTalk · 08/06/2018 13:45

Did she give out the invitations to the others while you were sitting there?

HollowTalk · 08/06/2018 13:46

Have the other women mentioned whether you're invited? Did they ask you to look at dresses, too? If not, are they assuming you're not invited?

Bettyfood · 08/06/2018 13:46

I would have to say something.

HollowTalk · 08/06/2018 13:47

Sorry, just re-read it and have seen that she gave the invitations to the others in front of you. She really has a nerve, doesn't she?

I would leave this afternoon without giving her a lift.

TorviBrightspear · 08/06/2018 13:47

Based on all the info, sounds like you've done a lot for her, but not got an invite. Unless it's the case that your colleagues got an evening invitation, and yours will be a full invitation...

But if it is the case that you've not been invited, I'd stop the lifts and anything else, pronto.

BackforGood · 08/06/2018 13:49

I'm normally of the "If you haven't had an invitation, you're not invited" thinking, and also "You can chat about your plans to people without them being invited" thinking, but, from all you've put, it does seem odd that she would ask the other 2 and not you, and I think I'd make an exception in this case and ask, as it does seems very strange.

RatRolyPoly · 08/06/2018 13:49

Accidental though it may have been, you did sound a bit nutty when you said you "followed" her to a wedding venue... When you have lunch together does she know you're there? Or do you follow her to the restaurant keeping only just out of sight?

Ah, I'm only teasing. Get one of your colleagues to ask her if you're invited; don't ask her yourself.

ALiensAbductedMe · 08/06/2018 13:50

I would ask one of your colleagues to ask her.
Or if you feel cheeky I would mention how colleagues were looking at dresses and then say something like "obviously I would be looking with them but you didn't give me an invite!" Say it with a big grin.
I would never normally ask or say anything but in this situation she would have to be very mean to have not not invited you, and to hand out invites to others in front of you, so there is no harm in causing her a little unease.
Is there any chance the colleagues were invited to reception and there is a full day invite still to come for you?

bonnyshide · 08/06/2018 13:50

Yes I think you should ask, it's very odd if she hasn't asked you so I think she needs to clarify

Dvg · 08/06/2018 13:51

I Would ask because if its a no then she must have been using you unless there's a bigger reason the other 2 are invited... plus it might be a mistake! I cant understand why she would invite the other part of the team if she spends more time with you as friends :S

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