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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ask the bride if I’m invited to her wedding?

393 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 08/06/2018 13:29

I know this would sound entitled as the only wedding I have to be obviously is mine but my work colleague is getting married. We are a team of 4 people and we are quite close at work, we chat, etc and I drop her off on Fridays as well when she’s going to her parents as it’s not just on my way ( she does not drive and stays with her fiancé the other days). We’ve literally talked about it this wedding since she got engaged last year. I even once followed her to the wedding venue. We go for lunch together, meal out, etc like I thought we were close.
Basically, 2 weeks ago, she gave the other 2 people in the team an invitation card to the wedding, I was there but she didn’t give me one. I still dropped her off last Friday as well and we have had lunch together almost every day this and last week and still no invitation card for me.
The other ladies have been checking for dresses online that they’ll wear but I can’t really.
Could I ask if I’m invited to the wedding or can I be invited and not have a card? I know you ladies will be honest and that’s why I’m asking as i’ll be dropping her off today and I’m sure we’ll talk about the wedding. Am I just been silly?

OP posts:

WellAndTrulyCurbed · 09/06/2018 13:19

Awesome save by the bride. I wonder if someone spoke to her or whether she realised herself how mean it looked to have not invited you.

Hope it's a fabulous day/night!!

RubySapphireEmerald · 09/06/2018 14:12

But surely the bride would have noticed that when the others were talking about outfits etc the OP wasn’t joining in? that when they were talking about the wedding the OP was absent in the discussion? And she blatantly gave out the invites in front of the OP and didn’t say anything to her? Nothing at all? And has then acted surprised that the OP thought she wasn’t invited even though she has made absolutely no reference to her being there until last night?

If these had been posted invitations the lack of invite, lack of mention, lack of anything would make sense, but all this happened openly, publicly, and the bride has acted in the way she has to make herself look better and the OP look like a bit of a prat for assuming she wasn’t invited.

If the OP wants to go then whatever works for her. After all, the bride isn’t obliged to invite everyone even if they give them lifts home and such. But tbh you will never convince me that she actually intended to invite the OP and that this isn’t just a backtrack on her part. Not a chance.

Mercurial123 · 09/06/2018 14:18

I'd refuse to go and have a night out with my real friends.

Lizzie48 · 09/06/2018 15:52

There is no point pressing with the cynical interpretation, RubySapphireEmerald the OP has decided to give the bride the benefit of the doubt. After all, the other girls in the office themselves said that the OP was a closer friend than they were. I think the bride might literally have assumed the OP would take it for granted that she was invited.

Also, the OP didn't ask outright. She just said she was planning to go away at some point in September. If she wasn't planning to invite the OP, she surely wouldn't have said anything.

The OP has to work with this lady. There's no point in agonising about whether she intended to invite her or not. We'll never know either way, she's hardly going to say, 'Oh no, I didn't want to invite you', is she?? It just sounds as if you want to think the worst in order to keep the thread going.

Motoko · 09/06/2018 16:17

I agree Lizzie, and Ruby you're not the one in the situation, so it doesn't really matter what you think. It sounds like you want OP to end her friendship with this woman.

BackforGood · 09/06/2018 17:42

Glad you are invited.
Weird to have invited over 200 people (presuming some invitations would have gone to whole families) and not to have got one to you though. I'd have thought only immediate family and those in the wedding party were 'definites'

re Bookmarking
On the version I'm using, there are no '3 dots' but, as you hover over any post, the word 'bookmark' appears in the bottom right of that post. You just click on that if you want to, but the reason placemarking helps is that if you have your own posts highlighted, then you can easily see, at a glance, where you've read to. That's just for information to whoever it was that was asking, not advice

pollymere · 09/06/2018 20:10

Say could you have the ceremony details as you want to see her wed. I've had friends do this and most are happy to give ceremony details, but it does show you what you're invited to! She might then get embarrassed and produce an invite to the ceremony and the evening do, or the whole thing!

Hanifah96 · 09/06/2018 23:50

I only gave invites to people who needed/wanted to be formally invited and family who I didn’t speak to and wanted to just let them know as a formality with the address of the venue and time and date etc & asked friends ‘do you want an invite or not, you’re obviously invited’ lol.

Could be that she has just forgotten, with you seeing the venue and speaking about it a lot maybe she has overlooked you.
That being said... you missed the perfect shot to say ‘where’s my invite?’ When your co workers got theirs. Lol
Next opportunity, you should ask. And don’t be scared! What could you lose? If the answer is nothing, then do it!!
Personally, when I want to ask a question I think the other person will avoid I’ll send one message with the question and then answer after it so they don’t see the first one straight away! Trap her lol

Hanifah96 · 09/06/2018 23:51

Was meant to say ‘another after it’ not answer.

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 09/06/2018 23:58

You are not invited, and neither does she need to invite you. It is her wedding, and I myself think it's off to have work friends at small weddings- numbers are limited on both sides. My cousins had tiny weddings, I felt bad even going when I saw my cousin only was able to invite 4 friends, but all us relatives had to troop in. So don't take it as mean.

But I wouldn't ask, or even show I was sad. I would just understand and be happy for them. That's all. No other dramas. I mean people like to talk, and people have to draw a line at invites. My friend Lucy wasn't invited to a big wedding, so many of us went, and she was hurt and people mentioned that she was hurt for not being invited (it was a 3 day long affair, and i really thought of her, and hoped people would stop mentioning it, as I knew she'd be embarrassed, and also she is such a good person...

Shadow666 · 10/06/2018 00:00

Mountains, does it genuinely not occur to you that things may have progressed slightly over the past 16 pages of posts?

BackforGood · 10/06/2018 00:01

READ THE THREAD people.
OP told us she IS invited, at 7.25 on FRIDAY

Gabilan · 10/06/2018 06:28

It just sounds as if you want to think the worst in order to keep the thread going

It'll be the people turning up to a 16-page, 2-day old thread and commenting without reading any of it who do that.

Lizzie48 · 10/06/2018 08:33

And she actually didn't ask, she made a throwaway comment about going away in September. The bride's reply indicates that she genuinely wanted the OP there. If that wasn't the case, all she had to do was simply not say anything about the wedding and ask her where she would be going on holiday.

Floeer · 10/06/2018 09:04

Completely agree with Lizzie. All of OP's friends actions indicate that they are close and had just assumed she would know she was invited.

Applepudding2018 · 10/06/2018 19:17

OP glad you had a happy resolution.

To the posters who are continuing to post that she hadn't originally been invited and her colleague has changed at the last minute - why would you post something which is obviously going to be upsetting? You cannot possibly know this so just shut up if you can't say anything nice.

Gabilan · 10/06/2018 21:42

why would you post something which is obviously going to be upsetting? You cannot possibly know this so just shut up if you can't say anything nice

If we only ever posted about stuff we could be 100% certain of 99% of the internet would disappear, which might not be a bad thing, but would make MN quite quiet. It's not about trying to upset the OP, or prolong the thread for no reason.

I've known people who I thought I could really trust do some very, very hurtful things. Saying that maybe someone had given the OP's colleague a bit of a nudge to do the right thing isn't about being nasty. It's just a heads up to consider a different scenario and to be a little wary and protective. The OP, being in the situation may well have a very different take on this - but remember she did come on here in the first place wondering if she just hadn't been invited.

Sice · 12/06/2018 05:53

Don't ask her just watch and see how it plays along

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