To ask the bride if I’m invited to her wedding?

[Tohaveandtohold]

I know this would sound entitled as the only wedding I have to be obviously is mine but my work colleague is getting married. We are a team of 4 people and we are quite close at work, we chat, etc and I drop her off on Fridays as well when she’s going to her parents as it’s not just on my way ( she does not drive and stays with her fiancé the other days). We’ve literally talked about it this wedding since she got engaged last year. I even once followed her to the wedding venue. We go for lunch together, meal out, etc like I thought we were close.
Basically, 2 weeks ago, she gave the other 2 people in the team an invitation card to the wedding, I was there but she didn’t give me one. I still dropped her off last Friday as well and we have had lunch together almost every day this and last week and still no invitation card for me.
The other ladies have been checking for dresses online that they’ll wear but I can’t really.
Could I ask if I’m invited to the wedding or can I be invited and not have a card? I know you ladies will be honest and that’s why I’m asking as i’ll be dropping her off today and I’m sure we’ll talk about the wedding. Am I just been silly?

I wouldn’t be able to ask, I would be to embarrassed! Desperate almost!

I think I would say something like ‘how’s the wedding plans? You’ll need to let me know how it all goes’ etc etc

If you were invited (but she’s somehow forgot to actually give you an invite) she would say, ‘but won’t you be there?’. And if you aren’t invited she’ll say ‘will do’.

Clutching at straws I'd either say she wants you as a bridesmaid ( although I'd expect her to have arranged that before invites sent!) , they've been invited to the evening and day invites haven't been sent yet, or yours is in the post..

I think she would have some gall not to invite you. Am watching this thread for the hopefully positive outcome...

How strange OP ! Weddings make people behave oddly though. Firstly, are the other 2 who were invited senior to you? I know a few colleagues have invited their directors over closer colleagues.
Secondly, could she perhaps be saving money of an invite for you because she is assuming you know you are invited?

I was in a sort of similar situation with my (step) sister actually... done all the talking about the big day, even went dress shopping with her and (step) mum and then of course came the bridesmaids. Despite me thinking I was being pretty involved in the wedding, including the preparation of asking her friend's and our sister to be bridesmaids, I wasn't asked to be one but I was never completely sure because of how involved I was; it became clear when they all went dress shopping. I wasn't even included in the family photos at the wedding! Like I said, weddings make people crazy.

Mistakes do happen. I was organising a friend’s hen do and she gave me a list of people to invite. One of them sent me a confused message back saying that she didn’t understand why she’d been invited since she wasn’t invited to the wedding! I rather awkwardly checked with my friend and she was horrified. The uninvited friend was of course on the guest list, but they had somehow managed to miss her when posting the invites.

I think you need to ask cos from your description it sounds like you get on really well and if the others have an invite I think you're is stuck at the bottom of her bag forgotten about.

I don’t think it would be rude to just ask. It would be rude for her not to invite you having asked other colleagues.

Well I hope it's just an oversight, but it doesn't really sound like it.

Could it be they are invited to the evening, and you the whole day? That's the only reason I can think of for such breathtaking brass neck.
I'd have to ask in this circumstance - You are good enough to eat with on a daily basis, and you ferry her around to wedding venues, but she's invited the other 2, but not you... in front of you?! Surely, SURELY, people don't do this...

It does sound like a misunderstanding if your colleagues thought you were invited. Maybe she thought she had already given you your invite? Is it just you having lunch with her every day or do other people eat with you?

You could get one of the others to ask.

I hope it was a mistake :( Seems a bit cruel really

You so need to ask.

I would guess she has tiered her invitees. Friends and family first, those all went out ages ago.
Friends I know from work - they may have only been invited recently

Any one who now tells me they won't be coming Ill be giving out very late invites to the randoms....

If I were you privately Id be quite hurt. Publicly Id pretend nothing happened. Im sorry but you might get the last level, or you may get nothing. Im not entirely sure which might be worse.

Id be dropping her like a hot brick as well. That emotional vampire needs to get back in her coffin! You are clearly worth a lot more than you are getting.

I'd have to ask probably in some back handed way like 'have I done something to upset you? It's just I'm a bit confused why you'd inside x and y to your wedding and not me'.... good luck!

So as far as you can see - she has a similar work relationship with them as she does with you, but on top of that you also give her free lifts?
Then I would ask...
"Look I know this might be awkward but I need to ask something - you invited a and b in front of me to your wedding. Does this mean I'm not invited?" Leave the pause to her.
Then depending on her answer but am guessing it will be something like - limited spaces, you know how it is, really sorry if I could I would, etc. I would just leave it.
And then keep cancelling Friday lifts until she gets the picture. "Sorry I need to go the other way this week and can't give you a lift", "Off to pick something up - other direction to you, can't do this week", "Dentist this week - sorry can't help" until one day its time for the "Look this doesn't really work anymore does it - you need to sort yourself out on a Friday"

If it happens that you aren't invited, I hope you can see that it was very mean and deliberate to hand out invitations to others in front of you. So you'd probably do well to distance yourself as much as possible. Hope the conversation goes well later.

Ask her later when you’re alone with her in the car. Believe me, it will be more awkward for her than you, and she probably won’t scrounge a lift again. And don’t forget to update us!

id ask. Nothing to lose.

Embarrasing if you do, embarrassing if you dont, but at least if you do, then youll actually know

I'd ask! She's probably banking on you being too polite to ask. Sod that! If you're not invited stop the lifts and lunches. Don't provide a gift or sign the card.

If she hasn't invited you she has some balls...accepting lifts etc and then ignoring you over her two other colleagues...def ask!

I woulden't ask, but I would not be doing any favour for her, and would distance myself from her. Just be professional, that's it. She sounds like she is using you for lifts, no more now.

I wouldn't ask. And I wouldn't wait till the house purchase to stop the lifts, either. I'd make an excuse for this evening and then tell her you won't be able to offer them any more and she needs to make other arrangements.

Methinks you've been used.

Do NOT give her a fucking present or contribute to a whip round, either.

Two possibilities. First, this is a mistake. She didn't realise she hadn't given you an invitation along with the others.

Second, she's an awful cow who doesn't care if you see others getting invited when you are being pointedly left out.

I agree with a PP that you need to get colleagues to check for you, or to do what junglebook suggests and just ask her straight up.