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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the bride if I’m invited to her wedding?

393 replies

Tohaveandtohold · 08/06/2018 13:29

I know this would sound entitled as the only wedding I have to be obviously is mine but my work colleague is getting married. We are a team of 4 people and we are quite close at work, we chat, etc and I drop her off on Fridays as well when she’s going to her parents as it’s not just on my way ( she does not drive and stays with her fiancé the other days). We’ve literally talked about it this wedding since she got engaged last year. I even once followed her to the wedding venue. We go for lunch together, meal out, etc like I thought we were close.
Basically, 2 weeks ago, she gave the other 2 people in the team an invitation card to the wedding, I was there but she didn’t give me one. I still dropped her off last Friday as well and we have had lunch together almost every day this and last week and still no invitation card for me.
The other ladies have been checking for dresses online that they’ll wear but I can’t really.
Could I ask if I’m invited to the wedding or can I be invited and not have a card? I know you ladies will be honest and that’s why I’m asking as i’ll be dropping her off today and I’m sure we’ll talk about the wedding. Am I just been silly?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 08/06/2018 14:06

There was one thread where the OP was organising a present for the woman, then realised she wasn't invited.

amusedbush · 08/06/2018 14:06

Surely nobody would be so rude as to invite two of their three colleagues?? Shock

JustDanceAddict · 08/06/2018 14:06

Def not invited if she gave invites to colleagues in front of you. I’d get a colleague to ask though just in case & cease lunches/lifts.

Juells · 08/06/2018 14:07

so many threads blur after a while, though!

I remember the ones where I've burned with vicarious indignation and become far too emotionally invested 😂

MixedHerbs · 08/06/2018 14:07

I would steer the conversation round the dresses and then say "X from tho frock has ordered a lovely dress, I hope she'll bring it in and model it for me so I get to see her in it".
And hope the bride to be says "what the fuck are you talking about? Of course you'll see her in it at the wedding. They have the 'normal' invites but you will be getting one of the very special ones in the post because of all the favours you do for me".
Yeah, yeah, I know....
Then I'd bog her the bog off and drop her like a hot brick.

And anyone knows that beyond primary school, invitations should be posted in the post, like, in a post box, to avoid all these sorts of issues. If you can afford a fancy frock and fancy customised invites you can afford an effing postage stamp. Rant over.

MadMags · 08/06/2018 14:08

It seems very weird!

Did she hand them invitations in front of you? It's just such an odd way to behave that I'd wonder if there have been crossed wires.

PrincessScarlett · 08/06/2018 14:08

If bride gave the other two their invites in front of you that's a bit off if you are not invited. I think you just need to mention it and ask if you're invited as you've just been invited somewhere else on that date.

As you've not had an invite it looks to me that that you've been used and the other three do not hold you in the high esteem that you hold them in. Shitty behaviour from the bride. Unless she has form for being ditzy and forgetful.

BigusBumus · 08/06/2018 14:08

I worked similarly closely with a woman years ago. We planned her wedding at every stage together whilst at work and lunchtimes etc. I was pregnant at the time and the date of her wedding was set to just after my due date.

I said to her one day, in front of some other colleagues, 'don't bother inviting me and my husband as I think I will be too massive to attend and it will be too far away'. She replied, horrified, that she hadn't intended inviting me at all!! I wanted to ground to swallow me up.

Original poster
Tohaveandtohold · 08/06/2018 14:08

To answer some of the questions, the other girls thought I was invited or that I would have been invited as they thought we are closer than they are and that’s why they were talking about dresses to wear.
I told them I don’t have an invite and one told me to ask and the other said not to like maybe she’s just missed it, etc as it looked odd and that’s why I came here to ask really.
Thanks for your replies and I’m definitely asking her this evening. As silly as this sound, I just want some closure.
The lifts will stop soon anyway as we’re almost completing our house purchase so I won’t be living close to her parents anymore. I’ll update this post later.

OP posts:
ISeeTheLight · 08/06/2018 14:09

I'd ask.
Does she know your address? Maybe she's posted it to you instead? clutching at straws

RideOn · 08/06/2018 14:09

Normally I'd say you aren't invited! In these circumstances you have to ask!
You are not being silly if she has invited your 2 colleagues and you work as a team of 4!

TheBogWitchIsBack · 08/06/2018 14:09

Jesus no way would I say anything. My pride wouldn't allow me to. She's obviously been taking the piss with regards to lifts and being taxi'd about when it suits her.
If you didn't get an invite then your aren't invited. Leave it at that but if I were you and stop allowing her to use you as her personal taxi service.

Myotherusernameisbest · 08/06/2018 14:10

That is really really odd. I would ask her. Just say something like 'not long til your wedding now! By the way, I know the other 2 are going, am I actually invited as I haven't received an invitation'. If she hasn't invited you its really odd and totally ok to put her on the spot.

Fivelittleduckies · 08/06/2018 14:11

If you’re not invited I think it’s incredibly insensitive of her to have handed your other friends their invitations in front of you. She doesn’t sound like a good friend to you at all Confused

44PumpLane · 08/06/2018 14:11

Could she have put your invite in the post?

2 of our christening invites went awol when we posted them and two good friends just thought we hadn’t invited them while we just thought they didn’t fancy it.... until a very confused conversation after the fact with one of them and a message from a different mate asking if X had been invited as they were a bit upset.

We were all a bit irritated about the lost post but pleased that no one had been a dick with regards to not inviting/not answering!!

Steeley113 · 08/06/2018 14:11

I’d ask, I’d say ‘this is really awkward but am I invited?’ If it’s a no, I’d say I’m really hurt and then I’d leave sharpish and not give her a lift. That would probably be the end of it for me. It’s just plain mean.

DailyMailFail101 · 08/06/2018 14:12

What a horrible situation to be in, it must be really awkward, maybe she thinks your so close that you don’t need an invite???? Please let us know how you get on.

HoppingPavlova · 08/06/2018 14:12

Usually I would say it’s pretty simple as if you don’t have an invite you are not invited.

However, I had an experience where I did not receive an invite from someone I considered to be a good friend. Everyone else was invited. I didn’t ask about it and no one else asked as it was ‘awkward’. Wedding cake and went. I obviously cooled the friendship as I couldn’t understand it. They then seemed to cool in return. Later they told people I had not even bothered to rsvp or mention it and obviously had some problem with them as I had cooled the friendship. I told people that was rot as I had not been invited so I had no idea what they were on about etc. Friendship broken.

A few years later my grandmother, who had been living with us, died. She was very dotty. While cleaning out her things I came across the wedding invite in one of her handbags. She must have gotten hold of the mail one day and squirrelled it away - no rationale reason as she had dementia.

lollypop13 · 08/06/2018 14:12

I wouldn't not be able to ask to be honest and if she says no she's not very nice.

HoppingPavlova · 08/06/2018 14:13

*came and went

Doremisofarsogood · 08/06/2018 14:13

I probably wouldn't dare ask in real life but would be desperate to! Maybe after a glass of wine?! Good luck if you do ask her later and it sounds like you've got a decent reason to stop the lifts anyway (although you could always tell her it's because she's a bitch if it turns out you're not invited!)

Motherduckling · 08/06/2018 14:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gillybeanz · 08/06/2018 14:14

I hope OP is travelling home alone after work.
what a cuntish thing to do.

Juells · 08/06/2018 14:14

Perhaps the colleagues have been given invites to the evening do, but not the wedding itself? Clutches at straws

@BigusBumus

She replied, horrified, that she hadn't intended inviting me at all!! I wanted to ground to swallow me up.

She should have buttoned her lip and said "Oh that's a pity, you'll be missed" 😡

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/06/2018 14:14

Good on you for asking. Glad the lifts will be stopping. Good luck with the house purchase.

Hollowtalk, Juells
There was that thread and a wedding thread at about the same time, a few days before. I remember discussing the wedding thread on party invite one. So many threads, so many cheeky fuckers.