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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why some women think it's not there job!!

230 replies

Damnivy · 07/06/2018 18:19

Ok so this doesn't apply to those women who can't/shouldn't be doing these things. And I'm not saying this is about all women. (I also know a man like this).

I'm so bored of listening and watching women who can't do things for them selves.
Like.. washing windows (outside), Mowing the lawn, getting in the loft, putting flat packs together, putting diesel in their car. All things iv heard that are apparently a 'man's job'.
Other things like, my SIL never being able to sort her baby out on her own, while out, always dragging DB of to the baby change, if she needs changing, although if it's my DBs turn to change the baby he goes and does it alone.
My sister apparently can't do the food shopping alone as she can't push the trolley and shop at the same time. She also refuses to do any decorating as it's a 'man's job' and even though she has never tried doing it, just knows she wouldn't be able too.
Makes me wonder how some women would ever cope alone.
I'm not saying my DH doesn't do these things, but I would never ask him to cut the grass, fill my car ext.. unless I had a good reason. We split things like most couples, if he is working more hours one week, I do most of the house/childcare stuff, if I'm working more hours then he does it.
I know I sound judgy, and I probably am, I would never say anything about this to them as I don't like to interfere, just really annoyed after watching my sister acting like she cant do anything today!
I wasn't brought up independent, I come from a family who mostly all have these views, many women in my family have never worked, as they belive they should be home with the children. Iv learnt to be independent.
Why are some women like this, and what things have you heard women say they can't do, as they cant/wouldn't be any good at/or class it as 'men's job's'.

OP posts:
MrsJacksonBrodieTheSecond · 07/06/2018 18:22

Your sister and sil sound fairly pathetic. There are things on that list that I don’t do because dh does them, there are things on that list that dh doesn’t do because I do them. If you’ve agreed a certain division of labour that works fairly well then I wouldn’t assume a woman is pathetic or incapable. Rather that she has jobs she prefers to do and has no interest in practicing doing a menial task that someone else will do instead.

BeyondThePage · 07/06/2018 18:23

I'm guessing your SIL has never lived alone? I do any jobs that need doing because at some times in my life there has been nobody else to foist them off onto share them with.

hidinginthenightgarden · 07/06/2018 18:25

I don't do the bins or DIY. DH is better at DIY and our bins have to be lifted up a step that is too big for me to lift a full bin over.

Plenty of things DH doesn't do - nothing to do with gender role just the roles we fell into.

Cornettoninja · 07/06/2018 18:27

I don't believe in mans/women's jobs really but dp seeems to have an inability to notice housework and I have back issues so I delegate a lot of the heavier stuff to him since he's not proactive in any other area.

How old is your sil's baby? I haven't been able to use a baby change since my dd was mobile because she would wiggle off and hated the things. Another pair of hands/entertainer was very welcome.

Buzzlightyearsbumchin · 07/06/2018 18:28

Your SIL and Dsis are weird. I know no women like this at all.

Sounds like their partners indulge them quite a lot.

TERFragetteCity · 07/06/2018 18:29

Why are some women like this, and what things have you heard women say they can't do, as they cant/wouldn't be any good at/or class it as 'men's job's'.

i don't know - I have no friends or family that do this. Why don't you ask them why they are like that and let us know?

TheSecretMole · 07/06/2018 18:32

I also don’t know anyone like this. I get that you need a bitch about your sister, OP, but don’t lump it in with women generally. Some people are whiny, don’t want to do certain tasks, blah blah blah...

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/06/2018 18:34

I know quite a few couples where neither does any DIY and that really confuses me. Even if you’ve always rented (so no opportunity to change much) if you can’t fix things in your home you’re so dependent on others to do it for you and that must be expensive and a hassle.

ValyrianSteelChastityBelt · 07/06/2018 18:37

I get you op! I know the sort 😏
You should have seen their face when I told them I drove too when we were abroad and didn't leave it up to DH ..... "you mean? you managed it? 😱🤯😱"
fuck right off.

applesandpears56 · 07/06/2018 18:39

Yanbu - I find it pathetic that some women don’t drive and rely on their husbands to ferry them and the family around. You rarely find a husband that doesn’t drive and the wife driving everywhere.

AnneLovesGilbert · 07/06/2018 18:40

I know several women who are like this @TERFragetteCity OP isn’t making it up.

There are a few things on the list I don’t do but I could give it a go if I had to. I’m a dab hand with a paint brush or some sugar soap but I wouldn’t know how to fix a car. I always do the bins. DH could make a birthday cake but I enjoy it and find it easy. He mows the lawn because he likes it. I couldn’t be less bothered so don’t. But I could. When I lived alone I didn’t have a garden.

Not able to change the baby or do a shop is pretty weird. What if their husbands got ill?

I think it’s the unwillingness to give something new a go which is weird from the outside and must be quite scary on the inside.

nocoolnamesleft · 07/06/2018 18:41

No thanks. Spent many years of training to get to a good enough salary to pay other people to do most of those.

ValyrianSteelChastityBelt · 07/06/2018 18:44

Nocoolnames, if you were trying for smug... you actually landed on dickish.

kissthealderman · 07/06/2018 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueBug45 · 07/06/2018 18:45

Hopefully your female relations stay married or aren't widowed otherwise they will be in for a shock. Then again if their children aren't as useless as them they will be roped into doing it.

SnookieSnooks · 07/06/2018 18:45

I know lots of people like this. Men and women.

My (female) friend won’t fill up the car..... to the extent that she won’t drive to places because the fuel is getting low and her DH hasn’t had time to do to. How can you drive and not be able to fill up a car??!

My DP (male) will not clean vacuum, dust, tidy up (even his own mess). When our DDs were small he refused to change any nappies while out snd about because ‘you can’t take a baby girl into the gents’ Hmm

HerRoyalNotness · 07/06/2018 18:45

I think they just don’t want to do it, and act this way so they don’t have to

My friends are always gobsmacked when they see me decorating, painting outside fences, repairing things on the pool, sorting out shit for myself. Don’t know why, they’re all basic things. I was also out mowing the lawns at 38wks pregnant. But I just the type to get on with things, and if I can’t do it, or don’t want to, buy in some labour.

HerRoyalNotness · 07/06/2018 18:46

And actually I hate it when H fills us my car, it seems a bit insulting, as I if I can’t do it myself

grasspigeons · 07/06/2018 18:48

I know lots of people like this and it does puzzle me a bit as my DH can be away for 6 months. So when it comes to bins, decorating, building flat pack, lawns, breaking down I cant really wait for him.

But then, I cant change the biological fact that my DH is 18stone of muscle and 6ft 3 and I am 5ft 5 and about 10 stone of wobble so if its a physical job he does it quicker and easier and sometimes can actually do it when I cant.

user1499173618 · 07/06/2018 18:48

I don’t believe in man’s versus women’s jobs BUT my DH is extremely strong whereas I am not strong at all and I do therefore leave some of the heavier jobs to him.

50shadesofgreyismylaundry · 07/06/2018 18:48

I often say I can't do stuff because I can't be arsed. This includes computer stuff, DIY not including painting and heavy lifting/digging. If I let on I can do this then I'd end up doing everything.

McFugget · 07/06/2018 18:49

I can't say I know any women at all like this. Perhaps not many of the women OP describes have the skills to survive into adulthood?

OohOohMrPeevly · 07/06/2018 18:49

Valyrian - this is brilliant:

Nocoolnames, if you were trying for smug... you actually landed on dickish Grin

SnapCards · 07/06/2018 18:51

I just think everyone's relationships are different and that's fine.

I'd rather be 'indulged' by my husband, than be married to some of the useless, lazy fuckers you read about on here.

I'm sure I dragged DH off to help change the DCs while out and about, I enjoy his company and it makes a change to doing everything alone when he was at work.

People just have different strengths and likes/dislikes, what's wrong with that?

Fflamingo · 07/06/2018 18:51

I can do everything but it means I end up doing everything.
I think that possibly the feeble flowers are onto something.

I once asked DH to paint a window as it was high up and I don't like heights. He dribbled paint everywhere. Deliberate as he is very good at his hobby which involves handiwork.

Don't judge them but don't do anything for them yourself.