To have told DH that I really don't care about his mother's opinion?

[LeaveMeBMan]

We're redecorating. I wanted rid of the dark red themed living room so stripped the wallpaper and told DH I was painting the main wall a pale green and the other walls white. I've got rid of the dark wooden flooring and replaced it with distressed white oak.

DH came back from his mother's at weekend saying "she doesn't like your ideas on the walls, she thinks it will make the room look cold". I said "oh right".

On Sunday I got the car keys and told DH I was off to buy the paint. He said "oh? Thought you were going to wallpaper?". I said "what made you think that? We've said all along we would immulsion to brighten it up". He said "yeah but then my mum said it would look really cold remember?" So I said "yeah she did, and I disagree".

So he said "what do you're still going to plow ahead with your plans no matter what anyone else thinks?" So I got irritated and said "I really don't care what anyone else thinks, why would I?".

DH is very much a people pleaser and likes to think other people like his house, clothes, choice in car etc whereas I really couldn't give a shit. I do have aspergers so not to drip feed which is maybe why I don't factor in other people's opinions but DH is now in a mood over it saying I'm pointlessly stubborn and antisocial.

Am I in the right not to care?!

kary - yes I admit it was a little tongue in cheek
But I was in my own mind, highlighting the nonsensical idea that ‘yes means yes forever, and you’re not allowed to change your mind, even if you have qualms about your original decision’
I wasn’t comparing paint colour and Brexit directly, that would be really vacuous...more a nod to the ridiculousness of binary decision making whatever the cost.

P.S. was it really the most hilarious thing you’ve EVER read on MN??
Maybe it’s because I’m Italian and don’t get the British ( presuming you are British) humour?

The Werneth yes!! We have the ‘vert de terre’ in our garden room, it’s so beautifully calming, I love it

We have the exact colour scheme you are going for and MIL said she didn't like it either, we did it anyway and guess who has now done her living room the same????

I am.entirely with you on this OP

@LeaveMeBMan , goodness, this I have asked him again, he's still saying he likes it but is worried that other people might think it looks cold. would drive me mad. I would just take him at his word that he still likes it and suggest any visitors bring an extra jumper if they think it looks cold. Sigh.

onalongsabbatical it's "no one", not "no-one".

Saltypeanut usually because it is not worth the hassle of having an opinion.

Alternative spellings both can be used.

Incorrect

Is he honestly saying that when he visits someone's house and the decor is not to his exact taste he feels upset and offended?
Does he feel offended and upset when people go on different types of holiday to him?

Tell that to the publishers that require you to use that form then.

There is very little absolutism in the English language. Most people's 'rules' are merely conventions that are often far less accepted than they believe.

He's being ridiculous, particularly about holiday destinations.

In our house we agree something needs to be done, I go away and find a few options I like and show DH. DH then picks the option he likes and we go ahead. This can be anything from a new set of water glasses to the names of our children. He likes to have an input, I get to present only options I like.

YANBU

Your DH should have spoke up sooner if he wasn't happy with the choices you made. Crack on.

Tell that to the publishers that require you to use that form then

I don't know any that prefer it with the hyphen. I'd imagine they are few and far between.

HeadsDown

Maybe ask him again what he really thinks have an open and frank discussion? Just because he liked the idea initially doesn't mean he hasn't changed his mind since then?

So not only does does she have to take responsibility for all the thinking but also has to chase him for his opinions? Bullshit.

Your colour scheme sounds lovely and your m i. l's input is unnecessary. Your husband sounds as if he wants an easy life and his voice is going unheard, he sounds so intimidated by the two of you. Your choices may be the only ones that matter but don't forget your husband is just as important and needs to be heard.

As long as you two like it it's no one else's business!

There seems to be a bit of the story missing here with regards to how your in laws see their relationship with you. Do you think there might be things you haven't picked up on and it's got to a bit of a boiling point without your being aware? Maybe your dh is shielding you from some of it?

I don't know any that prefer it with the hyphen. I'd imagine they are few and far between.

I work with books. Sometimes authors/copy-editors use 'no-one', even if it's against the publishers official house style – when questioned, the publishers sort of shrug and say 'Go with it as long as it's consistent.'

I grit my teeth and do so.

Why does this thread keep being hijacked by people who think they know about grammar/spelling - or think they have to correct people on this thread?? Very odd.

(OED has 'no one'. Chambers has both 'no one' and 'no-one'. @Stepdaddy is correct that plenty of things people think are 'rules' in English aren't. Or they're outdated.)

OP, do you think he changed his mind, because of his mother's opinion? Or do you think he changed his mind independently and used his mother as a way of passively-aggressively telling you that he'd changed his mind without coming out and saying 'I've changed my mind'?

Which do you think is most likely coming from him?

This is why I don't post nothing any more, the spelling and grammar police go wild!