To have told DH that I really don't care about his mother's opinion?

[LeaveMeBMan]

We're redecorating. I wanted rid of the dark red themed living room so stripped the wallpaper and told DH I was painting the main wall a pale green and the other walls white. I've got rid of the dark wooden flooring and replaced it with distressed white oak.

DH came back from his mother's at weekend saying "she doesn't like your ideas on the walls, she thinks it will make the room look cold". I said "oh right".

On Sunday I got the car keys and told DH I was off to buy the paint. He said "oh? Thought you were going to wallpaper?". I said "what made you think that? We've said all along we would immulsion to brighten it up". He said "yeah but then my mum said it would look really cold remember?" So I said "yeah she did, and I disagree".

So he said "what do you're still going to plow ahead with your plans no matter what anyone else thinks?" So I got irritated and said "I really don't care what anyone else thinks, why would I?".

DH is very much a people pleaser and likes to think other people like his house, clothes, choice in car etc whereas I really couldn't give a shit. I do have aspergers so not to drip feed which is maybe why I don't factor in other people's opinions but DH is now in a mood over it saying I'm pointlessly stubborn and antisocial.

Am I in the right not to care?!

I don't know why you're getting a pasting on here OP. I'm with you. DH was happy with how the room was going to be decorated until mummy said no. Now he's in a tailspin because he takes her opinion as the default correct one,regardless of whether it actually fits in with what choices he would make.

My mum is a bit like your MIL. we get on well, but she gets very offended if I don't follow her opinion on something. She once stood in my bedroom and said "this mirror would be better by that wall". I said "oh, do you think so?" and continued with what i was doing. She stood looking at me for a good twenty seconds, obviously expecting me to move it there and then, then stormed out huffing "well clearly you're not going to listen to advice". I liked the mirror where it was for various light/makeup reasons, why the fuck would I listen to anyone else's advice on the matter?

Tell DH to stop being so reliant on his mummy's opinions on how he lives his life ffs. Can't believe he'd expect you to live in a room where the decor isn't to your taste just because his mum made a comment about it

If he likes it and is only stalling because of what other people would think, then YANBU. Why does he care?

Now that you mention the holidays it sounds as if your DH can't free himself from needing his family's approval. Are they generally overbearing & judgemental?

Have you asked him why it is so important to him what other people think? You like it,he likes it really can't see the problem.If You are not happy with it when it is done you can change it,simple

So his mother thinks your living room might look cold painted in pale green and white. And so it might, depending on the nuances you choose and on whether or not your put other stuff in there or just leave it empty, bare walls and all! Lucky for her she doesn't have to live there, isn't it?! (By the way I think it sounds really nice ).

As for PPs saying you sound forceful with your DH, I imagine I would to if a was forced to live with someone as wishy washy-sounding as him. To actually hide holiday pictures because family members prefer different kinds of holidays is ridiculous.

Crosstenant your mother sounds just like my step-mother!

That's a bit strange, why would you care what anyone thinks apart from those living in the house?

The problem here is your DH needs to care a lot less what others think about shit that isn’t their business!

You're going to be living there not his mother so do as you like.
Why the hell would he just assume you'd change your mind just because his mum didn't like it?
I'd feel pretty put out that he immediately trusted her opinion over yours.

It sounds as if DH was raised by a very forceful woman and then married someone very similar. Not surprisingly he lacks self confidence.

Oh and my living room is pale green with cream carpets and it’s bright, cheerful and airy

Your DH sounds a bit of a wet lettuce!
I’d be asking him if he’s had written permission from his mum before he has sex next time he gets frisky.
As for the spelling, being told it’s emulsion not immulsion is done to prevent you from future embarrassment. Like it or not, we all judge people, poor spelling means an instant judgment of poor education or too lazy for some. No need for you to be rude to someone for trying to help you.
Your green and white scheme sounds fresh. Don’t worry what MIL thinks, it’s your home.

Sounds like he agrees with his mum and thinks the room will look/feel cold and a bit ‘soulless’ but is intimidated by you, so is doing (with his mum’s thoughts), what you’re doing here with us in MN - garnering support for ‘his’ opinion.
Maybe he knows you have a tendency to plough ahead and make what ‘you’ think is the right choice - whereas he’s slightly more into negotiating and making joint decisions?

Spot on Loon

YANBU and your DH needs to grow the fuck up. Hiding FB posts because he'e embarrassed about people's opinions on his holidays? If he's that upset by it maybe he can leave you to go to Vietnam and go to Benidorm with his family if that's what he wants.

And he's worried what 'other people' AKA his mother might think of your living room? Does she live there? God forbid If not then she doesn't get a say.

What a baby he sounds.

Just go ahead and paint with the colours you've already agreed with DH. Paint doesn't last forever so you can always rethink in a couple of years.

Anyway your colour choices sound good, green is supposed to be calming and restful. once you add pictures, furniture etc background colours will not stand out and you can move onto the next argument

Your dh sounds like a 10 year old who needs to fit in with the 'in' crowd.

Your DH sounds a bit of a wet lettuce!

Why are the fucking grammar police on this thread ?? Fuck off with your self serving egos!

Leave your first posts really made me laugh

I have the same colour scheme in my kitchen and it gets complimented on all the time.

His family just seem jealous !! Fuck em

Your MIL’s advice was unasked for; even if you had discussed it with her, her word has no legal force! Paint the walls whatever colour you like and enjoy.

.

Tell your Dh to tell your MIL that you don't much like her attitude/colour of curtains/house AND that you expect her to change them.

He’s being a div

Yeah.....go ahead OP - I mean who cares what your husband thinks?? Just go with what YOU think...he’s so pathetic/babyish/wet lettuce ish - who gives a shit? He needs “to grow the fuck up” and have the same opinions as you at all times.
Just go ahead with your choice - listen to the opinions of strangers rather than your own husband - perfect 👌

emulsion, not immulsion.
plough, not plow unless you are from the United States.
your, not you're in the context you used it.

It's an Internet Forum read by many for whom English is not their first language. It is important to at least try to use correct spelling and grammar and to point out errors for their benefit.

Every day presents learning opportunities. Grab them enthusiastically, do not reject them.