He left

[WhatIsHappiness]

I've NC but I posted before about DH being confused, wanted a break, etc. This has been going on for 6 months, during my pregnancy, and last night he left us.
He said he needs space to think about what he wants but we are not getting divorced.

AIBU to tell him that I don't want him back? He made it clear that he doesn't want to separate so what is the bloody point of having a break? I still can't understand how someone could simply leave his DC (newborn and one in junior school) just like that!

((((((Madd Madd hugs)))))))

and play this song loud and on repeat. -

@Wilberforce42 waves
I'm feeding again!

@TheMaddHugger Thank you! sending hugs back

What a great tune! Just been added to my playlist and may need to share it with friends and family!

👋 now ds2 has joined us. Thinking of you today.

@Wilberforce42 Oh, it's a party now! 🎉🎊
Baby is back sleeping, I might as well get up and do some housework while they are both sleeping!

Baby is awake and feeding, but in the meanwhile I've got ready, put a washing on and made tea. I'm on a roll today!

It's worse than a death in some ways, cos the fucker is still there giving you a hard time.
I think it is ok to take a break if things are getting on top of you, but you would arrange it properly. He doesn't sound very well actually. His cousin is an idiot who should have told him to sort it out with you.
You are being amazing, holding it together for your kids. Cry if you want to.

Morning op!

My baby is a bit older than yours and no longer feeding at night, so I missed the party (boo).

Hope you manage to get some sleep today or tonight .

@Missingstreetlife I honestly think he's going through some midlife crisis or something. I was chatting to my mum this morning about it. She couldn't sleep, poor her!

@RhubarbRhubarbRhubarbRhubarb Morning! It's not too late, you can still join the party. It's feeding time again!! 😂

Morning WhatIsHappiness. Glad you found the Beautiful South song helpful, it seems to sum up how an awful lot of men behave.

Just remember that they all seem to follow the same script. This is likely to include things like turning up looking "seedy" or a bit unkempt, hoping you will take pity on them. Telling you how wrong they were, how much they love & miss you (or maybe miss the cooking, washing etc but not mentioning that ofc). Telling you how your "version" of the past is all in your mind, and theirs is the "correct" version. Mentioning good times, usually with a sad sigh & looking at you sideways. Threatening financially. Threatening to suicide even. Saying they will take the children away and never let you see them again.

Maybe not all of these, and not particularly in that order, but they are all common. I'm sure there are plenty I've missed as well, but I'm not long up & the cats are pestering me for morning fuss!

Yay! Glad I can join the feeding party. Ds has gone back to sleep, the party pooper . I’m just treating myself to a nice coffee though while he’s down. So rock and roll.

You’re doing great op .

I honestly think he's going through some midlife crisis or something.

Knock that on the head, it's distancing him from the guilt that is his alone, and the responsibility. He chose this. He isn't having a midlife crisis, he got fed up of responsibility and thought he'd try pastures new.

Next is going to come claims that you're loony, mad, erratic. I, and all the women I know whose husband left, have been accused of being mad. One friend even had her husband and his therapist trying to persuade her to sign herself into a psychiatric hospital 'for a rest'. It was like some gruesome Rosemary's Baby script. She was exhausted by the bullshit and gaslighting she was having to put up with, not having a breakdown. Next thing he'd have trotted it out as a reason to take her children away... "she's unstable".

If it is a midlife crisis.... are you going to take him back?

I agree with pp re trying not to think of it as a mid life crisis. Its almost like suggesting he didn't have a choice in the matter when in reality it sounds like he fancies someone at work and wanted to shag her. Besides, 30 would be remarkably young for a MLC!
I think you're doing amazingly well BTW OP

I agree re "mid-life crisis", it's just an excuse that gets trotted out to absolve them of responsibility.

I was also going to mention the "You're mental" accusation. You see it all the time on here, it's definitely part of the script. Usually used in conjunction with threatening to take the children.

Women don't get to have midlife crises. Women are just crazy.

You may be right op, plenty of men freak out at first baby too and then come back, but this different. So sorry for your loss. Why they don't go to counselling.... maybe feeling trapped, or whatever excuse but why don't they say? I know they go in a cave (men are from mars) but how long for? Can they really imagine you will just hold the fort and welcome them back, how could you trust him again?

Women don't have mid life crisis as we think about other people.

Women don't have mid life crisis That's because we all to busy looking after home/children and life/word, then to be consumed with our own importance.

Work not word.

Sorry like but woman do absolutely have mid life crisis. I certainly hit one when I had a complete meltdown on my 43 rd birthday.

It doesn't have to manifest as cheating though

Women don't get to have midlife crises. Women are just crazy

😂😂 so true! Suddenly I "became" controlling as he was "confused" and going through a "midlife crisis"!

I truly believe that "every cloud has a silver lining" and all that. Thanks to this mess, I am now closer to my brother, parents, handful of friends and his family. I'm actually overwhelmed by the support so far and started to believe that I didn't "make him leave" and "it's not my fault". We are all responsible for our own actions and choices. I am choosing to stay calm, even though it is easier said than done, for my children's sake, wellbeing and happiness.

Maybe one day (distant future), we could be together again, but he would have to move heaven and earth to show me that he's worth it. I am not holding my breath though. In the meanwhile, I'm looking after myself and my children as I've got nothing to be ashamed of.

@gamerchick would you mind me asking what happened?

It's my birthday in a couple of weeks!

It is not a mid life crisis!

There is buying a sports car and wanting to feel rejuvinated. Harming no one.

Then there is abandoning your family and sod the consequences. Life wrecking harm.

The two don't compare.