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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

966 replies

whatwouldbe · 06/06/2018 05:37

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

OP posts:

Jaxtellerswife · 06/06/2018 07:41

Cruel? I think people are misunderstanding what cruel means.
Holiday club will be fun. There will be activities that your child can opt in our out of and chillout areas. Tons of children go to them full time, please don't feel bad for keeping a roof over your child's head

user1488397844 · 06/06/2018 07:42

I am in the same position to you OP I will be working all of the summer holidays with no days off as my employer is unable to grant me any leave. This is further complicated by the fact my childminder is on annual leave for 2 weeks and I'm having to organise extra childcare for DD (4) It is frustrating but I don't feel guilty, I am doing the best I can and she's far happier at childcare with other kids than she would be at home with me all day if I gave up my job and had no money. Kids are resilient and yours won't be the only ones there all day. I'll be trying to do fun things in the evenings such as late night ice cream etc.

sexnotgender · 06/06/2018 07:43

My daughter went to holiday clubs as you describe and was absolutely fine. I had no choice either! She did have the odd day with grandparents but the majority was in the club. As a single parent I had no other choice.

ErictheGuineaPig · 06/06/2018 07:44

I'm in the not cruel camp too. The school holidays are a break from school - a break from sitting at desks and on carpets and homework and assemblies. A break from school work. A holiday club will still give your kids all that. You say they liked it last time too so that's good! Nothing to beat yourself up for at all op.

RedSkyAtNight · 06/06/2018 07:45

What sort of holiday club is it? There are some that are full on activities that I can see would be exhausting to do for 6 weeks, while others are more relaxed and if DC just wants to sit and do very little, they can. Ideally you'd pick a mix of the two. How old are your DC and (if old enough) what to they think about it? There was certainly an age (maybe 6-9) where the DC positively begged to go to holiday club so they could see friends.

HagueBlue2018 · 06/06/2018 07:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CrumpetandSausage · 06/06/2018 07:47

Wow, so many of the responses on here are insensitive. No wonder there is such a thing as “mummy guilt”. Your kids will be fine in holiday club. They will be busy but it is not tiring in the same way as school because they are not having to learn in the same way as school. Down time is possible and their days will be full of play and hanging out with other kids. Better than watching telly/playing on a tablet at home. If your friends and family have an issue then they should offer to mind them on one or more days rather than piling on the guilt.

I guess this means you will be able to take leave in the October or Christmas holidays instead.

SamHeughansLeftEyebrow · 06/06/2018 07:47

Well, if you are cruel, then so am I. My children have an 8 week holiday. I usually take the first and last as AL, which leaves a 6 week block. For several years, they have gone to holiday clubs almost every day of it. I try to mix it up, so one week footie camp, another multi sport, another water sport etc. Where possible, I take up offers of play dates (people know I struggle to reciprocate, but will always look after others at weekends). The club I use most is very free flow, lots of downtime, access to woodland and playgrounds, better than any day stuck at home with me!

They have always had a wonderful time.

GruffaloPants · 06/06/2018 07:50

It is not cruel. Such a loaded word for your family/friends to use

It will be fine. My DD went to Easter holiday club and loved it. They had downtime, and a quiet chill out zone with wee tents in it. I'd I shine most clubs do something similar.

Plan a nice holiday for some other time so you've got something to look forward to.

BakedBeans47 · 06/06/2018 07:50

I wouldn’t say it was cruel. Why can’t you get any holiday though? It’s a pretty shit employer that won’t let people take holidays at the time most people want to take them. Is it particularly busy seasonally, or NHS or similar?

NotTakenUsername · 06/06/2018 07:51

No not cruel at all. Unfortunate? Bad luck? Maybe.... but not cruel.

I’d second the suggestion to take them out of school for a holiday if you can afford to when you can take your leave.

But this is life. Sometimes it sucks, and sometimes it feels unfair. Hopefully next year will work out better for your family.

Definitely not cruel.

theluggageslegs · 06/06/2018 07:52

OP, it sounds like you’re doing a grand job in difficult circumstances. Your children are very lucky.

Sending children to childcare in the summer is categorically not cruel.
Having to work during the summer is not unusual in lots of jobs and areas - often it’s the busiest time of the year and retaining staff year-round relies on making a good profit during the holidays.
If only OP had thought of looking for a different job eh because it is always that simple.

Lethaldrizzle · 06/06/2018 07:52

It's not insensitive to say some parents do things differently. I just would not do a job that would not allow me to spend any time in the summer holidays with my kids. Sod that. I would change jobs.

letstryagainaaahhhh · 06/06/2018 07:53

The only other alternative would be paying for a nanny at home. Would that be remotely feasible for a week or 2 financially? If not then they will be surrounded by kids and having fun all day at the kids club. It could definitely be worse! Just make the most of your weekends together and stop feeling guilty. You are clearly doing your best and I'm sure your children feel this.

endofacentury · 06/06/2018 07:54

It is not cruel! I had to do it many times too. I was a single parent and relied on holiday clubs otherwise I wouldn't have been able to work. I was competing with other mums to get annual leave during the holidays and we just had to take it in turns. My daughter spent all of her primary years in holiday clubs, they don't actually remember it once they are older. Do not feel guilty, you have to keep a roof over your head and keep your job!

UnbornMortificado · 06/06/2018 07:54

It's hard, life's unfair sometimes and you are doing what you need to keep your DC fed and housed. People shouldn't be commenting in RL when they aren't prepared to help with a solution.

Its certainly not cruel but I'm sorry it's worked out so unfair for you. FWIW the only reason my DD isn't in nursery 5 1/2 weeks (I can only get 3 days off) is because I have family who can help, so just luck basically.

NotARegularPenguin · 06/06/2018 07:54

Could you ask if you could work through your lunch and finish an hour later and compress your hours into 4 days so you all get one day a week down time? Not sure if that would work with kids clubs hours or not?

Thebluedog · 06/06/2018 07:54

I had to put both my dc into holiday club during school holidays and they loved it.

They do need downtime, but the holiday club will give them travel time and rest time.

My kids actively ask to go to holiday club now I’m in a position to be at home with them more.

I don’t think it’s cruel at all. You have to work to provide for them so sometimes it’s a case of needs must

BetterEatCheese · 06/06/2018 07:55

Maybe a nanny or au pair would sit better with you? Or a childminder?

A friend of mine uses a Spanish au pair and she is brilliant and cheap as she is here learning the language and it benefits them all

Thebluedog · 06/06/2018 07:56

Not travel, ‘play time and tv time’

UnbornMortificado · 06/06/2018 07:56

Oh and I used too spent the full holidays in nursery kids club (my mam was a single parent, no family able to cope with all 3 of us) it was fine. I remember lots of fun at weekends and I promise I'm not scarred by the experience.

ScottishDiblet · 06/06/2018 07:57

Hello! We are a working family and our daughter absolutely LOVES holiday camp and would not see a summer in holiday club as any problem at all. You are not doing anything wrong and holiday club is a lovely environment of fun and friends and activities for the children. Do not feel guilty. You are not doing anything wrong. Xx

Jeezoh · 06/06/2018 07:57

They’ll be fine!! They’ll be fed, watered, entertained and looked after. Failing to see how it’s cruel. You’re a parent 52 weeks of the year - you can spend quality time with them in the other holidays and just keep weekends low key in the summer. I honestly wouldn’t give it another thought xx

cakecakecheese · 06/06/2018 08:00

What is cruel are the people telling you it's cruel. What do they expect you to do, quit your job and feed your kids with air? How many kids spend a large proportion of the holidays sat at home in front of the telly or an iPad? At least yours will hopefully be doing some interesting and fun activities.

There's not much you can do about it now but if it's feasible maybe it might be worth thinking about looking for jobs in other companies that are a bit more flexible so you don't have this next year.

DarklyDreamingDexter · 06/06/2018 08:00

Tell people to piss off with their stupid remarks if they are not going to offer any practical help. Do not feel even slightly guilty - holiday clubs can be great fun. My kids bloody loved them when they were that age. They do lots of fun activities and once or twice a week do (optional) day trips out to zoos, jungle jims, even theme parks. The DC will have a great time.

Browse around and find a good one, or even more than one to mix it up. I sometimes booked holiday clubs near where I lived, or near where I worked to see which they liked best and for a change of scene. My kids loved their summers and were never heard to say 'I'm bored'.

Excellent previous suggestion for a few mini weekend breaks starting Fridays. Premier Inns do some cheap family rooms all over the country.

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