is it cruel to send the DC for 6 weeks in the Summer hols to the holidays club

[whatwouldbe]

I am unable to get any annual leave over the summer which means DC will have to spend the entire summer school hols (6 weeks) in a holiday club. 8:30 - 17:30.

it wasn't planned like that, I was hoping to get 1 weeks off in between but could not.

Several friends and my mum told me that this is cruel. That the DC need a break and downtime. I have no friends who could have the DC for a few days and no family to help (my mum is ill and cannot physically do it).

DC dad cannot have them either (long backstory).

working from home is not an option in my line of work.

It is not a choice for me. I really wanted to spend a few days with them at home. It's not only shit for them, it's alse shit for me. all friends have nice holidays planned and we cannot even have some chilled days at home. but there is nothing I can do.

please tell me you have done it too and that it is ok. I feel really awful after DM and some friends made these remarks.

It isn’t cruel! Holiday clubs are designed to be fun and a good one will allow quiet days, chill out time as well as adventure and fun.

To the poster who said that children need down time in the same way that adults do - nonsense! Yes, a break from school routines is good, but they don’t have responsibilities at work and home in the way that adults do that necessitate a ‘break’. School (for most) is not like ‘work’ as adults know it.

Do what you can, OP. You are working hard for your children. Maybe the weekends can be extra special (with less housework and more picnics?)

It is one summer and they need a roof over their heads. Hopefully next year will be different. You will all be ok.

I have a lot of American friends Where annual leave is so minimal. I have noticed that they treat the weekends as mini vacations. Lots of fun activities and spending time outside. Could you do something similar? Turn the summer weekends into a special time?

If money is tight & you have a garden how about buying some cheap camping gear and camping out a lot. Fill a paddling pool with water and think of fun things to do.

My kids used to love obstacle courses. A few toys round the garden and the stopwatch on my phone and we were ready to go.

Is it ideal? Maybe not.

Will they be OK? Yes.

I live in Southern Europe and this is the norm here Summer is the peak tourist season, everyone’s working 24/7 and most children are in holiday clubs 8-6.

You do what you have to do.

Do they enjoy it?

A friends children spent 4 week in holiday clubs and hated it, so she gave them lots of space at the weekends and the evenings to do things they really enjoy. Obviously if they like it then ignore!

Rather than holiday clubs, could you look into a childminder? At least they’d get some downtime in a home-from-home environment.

If it helps OP, my DD who is much older but also has complex special needs, loves her holiday club so much that she doesn’t want to actually go on holiday!

I am the first to pander to my kids and be pfb about all of them, but ffs get a grip people! 6 weeks ina professionally run holiday club where there will be fun activities, a choice of stuff to do (I assume cooking/crafts/computers etc) and the option to watch tv and chill is not sending the kids up a chimney or leaving them home alone.

The kids will be more than fine; this is adults imposing their feelings into children where there is no need. The kids won’t be thinking that they work hard and need to chill; they’ll be having fun and working together as a family to contribute to what the household needs to have happen.

Please stop beating yourself up OP. As you’ve had to explain many times, there is no alternative to you being able to be at home with them, but there are plenty more horrific alternatives in life for the kids, so don’t worry about them. You’ll be there for mornings, evenings and weekends, which is probably more than lots of parents manage x

No, it’s not cruel ffs. Occasionally if someone comes out with something like this, I just tell them I need my job all year round. On the months you don’t break even because of childcare, it keeps you in s job for all the other months.
Look, it isn’t great as holiday club can be exhausting but look on the positives, at least you have holiday club, I’d be throwing it back to these unhelpful idiots, that having it means you don’t have to rely on friends and family, as then you’d clearly be far deeper in the shit.

They'll be fine. You'll be fine.

Could you mix it up a bit? Are they old enough for something like a pgl holiday? Depends on the nature of DC's special needs i guess

I would shut down the comments from your so called friends and your family, if they can't help then they should keep quiet.

Your dc will enjoy holiday club number one. Number two you need to keep a roof over their heads and food in the cupboards, it isn't ideal but hardly the end of the world.

You have bank holiday in the August I would plan something super fun for that weekend, even if it is camping in the garden or in the countryside. You could leave early on Friday and surprise them.

I would also scatter early finishes throughout the holidays to collect them early or drop them off. Make weekends super super special.

Plan fun picnic dinners after work, allow them to stay up a little later with you for star gazing. Try and use every ounce of time with them in a really fun way.

I would be 'off' work for one day at least whatever excuse you decide on.
Your work is important, so are your dc. One or two days off won't kill you/them.

Honestly, they will be fine!

In the US where holiday entitlements are so low it's unbelievably common for kids to spend the entire summer at sleep-away camp where they get no down time at all and they manage fine.

You're doing what you have to under the circumstances and much as you would obviously prefer to take the holiday if you could, they will certainly be fine without it.

I looked into childminders but none is willing to have my disabled child and I really don't want to split the children up (i.e. one childminder and one holiday club). They would hate it and it would be extra dropping off/picking up for me too. I am trying to keep things simple .

but I feel a bit better after reading all the responses. thanks

I don't see how you are being cruel when you have no choice. I think for an introverted child it isn't ideal but it's obviously the inly real option on the table.

Can you talk to the people who run the club, reassure yourself they will have a regular option to veg?

It’s fine, OP. Lots of people do this. There will certainly be down time during the day and they can crash out when they get home. It certainly isn’t “cruel”. Jesus.

i would say its mighty fine for people to criticise without offering any actual practical help.
it sounds like you are doing a great job keeping a roof over your kids head on your own and looking after a child with additional needs.
holiday club is a change and not as full on as school
at least they wont be in a darkened room watching tv or gaming.
if you can get in the odd friday or monday that would be a bonus. can you book october half term?.

In the US where holiday entitlements are so low it's unbelievably common for kids to spend the entire summer at sleep-away camp where they get no down time at all and they manage fine.

Excellent point! And kids who don’t get to go are missing out!

Yes I would second the fact it is infinitely better for your dc to be socialising and playing rather then stuck inside on gadgets! They will make lots of friends and learn new skills. I would speak to the organiser and let them know you would like your dc to rest for some part of each day. It will be fine.

Your friends who are judging you, have they offered help? No? Then tell them to do one. You’re doing what is best for your family, what you need to do.

Like a poster said, maybe try take an early finish on a Friday. There is also the weekend to do stuff in.

As a parent of a chil with SN, I totally get how hard it is to get childcare for them. 💐Don’t beat yourself up, you’re doing fine.

It is clear from your posts that this wasn't your original plan but something you are going to have to do so I think it's important to figure on the best way of making it work.
Are your DC going to the same holiday club all summer? If so, it might be worth speaking to them in advance and checking how varied the programme will be. Not many other children will be there the whole time and they might get bored if every second Wednesday is "make a volcano" day or something although they could probably make pretty awesome volcanoes by the end of the week.
Also, what are your children like? Do they like to be in the middle of the activity or do they prefer being by themselves for a bit? If quiet, could you ask the holiday club if they could set up a corner with a couple of bean bags or something so that, if your children don't want to do an activity, they can read a book, play a game of cards or Uno, do some colouring or something?
Your children are going to be in a pretty unique position as the staff will really get a chance to know them. What do your children like doing? If one/either of them likes to take responsibility and is old enough, it may be that, towards the end, s/he is effectively helping to set up activities and that sort of thing and might be the sort of person that enjoys doing that.
It sounds as though your boss is completely inflexible but would it be possible for you to start an hour late or something once a week and - if your boss won't let you or you can't due to drop off/pick up requirements -
use up a day's annual leave over the summer by doing that. That would just give you a slightly lazier start to the day once a week.
Otherwise, is it possible for you to come up with some plans for after holiday club? No homework etc, light evenings, hopefully nice weather. Just a trip to the park with a picnic tea would be a bit different if you don't usually do it.

Have you used the holiday club before? I used one for the first time last week as a trial for the summer holidays as I've been worrying myself silly about what I'm going to do. My dd and ds absolutely loved it, they literally begged to stay for the later part (I originally only had them booked til 3.30) they can't wait to go back and are already talking about what things they hope to do.
It's such a relief that I won't need to feel guilty x mum guilt is awful! X

You just need to be a bit creative with the time you have with them. If it were me, factoring in the fact that you’ll be tired from work but will want to have nice chill time in the evening with them, I’d do stuff like carpet picnic in front of a movie as soon as you get in (each child gets their ‘night’ to choose, you dive in, grab pizza or buffet type stuff from the fridge and chill and have fun from the minute you get in the house).

Is it practical to grab a favourite takeaway on the way home one evening too?

I’m just thinking of ways to make it feel like special time when you are together; I imagine if the routine is different and seems more frivolous it won’t feel like a school day and will still be special?

And Id maybe try and avoid feeling like you have to then fill every spare minute at the weekend. The kids (and you!) will be busy all week so I’d make weekends obligatory chill out time. Get the kids involved in decision making too, but maybe have ‘rules’ like you aren’t allowed to get dressed before 11am, you ‘have’ to watch a movie at breakfast. Then if you normally have restricted stuff (screen time), have a free for all time where you ring a bell and everyone can just do what the heck they like (within reason of course; for mine this would be iPad/PS4 time-they’d think it was bliss if they felt they were in charge!).

I hope you all have a lovely summer OP. You sound like a wonderful Mom and you need to remond yourself (and a few others) that you’re doing this FOR THE KIDS! You’re not proposing a holiday without them, or leaving them so you can pursue something you’re interested in, it’s all for work. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad (believe me, the only people this affects are you and the kids, so everyone else can swivel!)

What unhelpful comments here. MIL is ill and can’t have the DC. My parents are overseas and also not well enough to look after them. Not everyone has grandparents childcare. You just have to get on with it. Stop listening to what others say. You are doing the best you can.

Could you try and finish early some Friday’s and then go away somewhere for the weekend as a little mini break? A weekend camping somewhere maybe, you don’t need to go far to make it feel like a holiday.

alienspaceship you need to get a grip.

Not having adequate food, neglect or mistreatment are cruel. Six weeks in a safe, supervised environment where they are catered for, with other children which should be fun, is not cruel.

It's not ideal. But its a perfectly adequate and safe childcare solution which millions of children will go through and its clearly outside the OP's control. What possible purpose is served by telling a clearly very stressed lone parent, who is doing everything she can to provide for her children, that she is "cruel"?

Whatever circumstances you find yourself in which allow you to provide such great childcare for your children, you might want to count your blessings and stop judging other people who don't have your advantages.